Sonic Mini Funnies
by ShinyShiny9
Summary: Attempting a mixed bag of Sonic randomness! Lots of little short stories about the funnier moments of life on Mobius. Just how gullible is Knuckles? How do you get a Chao on a bus? How do Sonic and friends really feel about Mephiles? Answers to all that and more, right here!
1. Earning Your Stripes

**A/N: Okay, so this is gonna be random. There are hundreds of little Sonic jokes I keep coming up with, and they never seem to fit into any longer stories. By now I've got so many spare jokes it's not even funny, so I figured I'd toss them all together here, like a hedgehog hodgepodge! Or a Sonic salad. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

It was a glorious early spring morning on Mobius. Tails had hauled the X-Tornado out of the workshop, and was busy giving it a full overhaul, top to bottom. Sonic was hanging around trying to help, and mostly getting in the way.

"Hey you guys!" called a voice suddenly. Sonic peered over the X-Tornado's wing to find Knuckles looking up at the plane.

"Hey Knucklehead! What's the story?"

"About that security system, Tails?" said Knuckles, with a disgruntled sigh. "It would sure be _nice_. The batgirl's been more persistent than usual, lately."

"Gosh, I'm sorry Knuckles." Tails appeared next to Sonic, rubbing his hands on a rag. "I can't come over right now, I'm in the middle of spring cleaning and tuning the X-Tornado. I promise I'll get to it as soon as I'm done here!"

Knuckles grunted in annoyance.

"Well look, if it'll speed you up, I can help out here. What do you want me to do?"

"Uh, thanks Knuckles, I'm fine," said Tails uneasily. "Why don't you . . . uh, why don't you ask Sonic if he needs any help?"

Knuckles shrugged and glanced at Sonic. Sonic nodded in reply and jumped down from the plane.

"Well, Tails does want to repaint this baby when it's done. I don't want to leave when he needs me"—from atop the X-Tornado, Tails rolled his eyes—"so do you think you could go buy the paint for us?"

"All right." Knuckles nodded. "What color?"

"Well, Tails wanted to give the Tornado a sportier look," said Sonic, swallowing a grin. "He's planning to paint it blue with red racing stripes. Could you get some blue-and-red striped paint?"

"Okay then," sighed Knuckles, turning to leave. "See you in a minute."

"Thanks, Knux!" called Sonic. He looked after Knuckles for a while, but the echidna didn't turn back. Sonic snickered and jumped back up on the Tornado, still chuckling.

"What's so funny?" asked Tails, looking up.

"Man, that Knucklehead is gullible," chortled Sonic. "I just sent him off to buy striped paint, and he fell for it! Boy, that's classic."

"Aw, Sonic," sighed Tails, putting down his wrench. "You shouldn't mess around with Knuckles like that. He can't help it if he's a little gullible."

"Then I can't help taking advantage of it!" retorted Sonic blithely. Tails sighed again.

"Oh, come on, Sonic. Knuckles may not be as gullible as you think."

"Seriously? When he falls for something like _that?_ He didn't even figure it out after a few minutes like some people would!"

"Well, we'll see," shrugged Tails.

A few minutes later, Knuckles' shout came once more.

"Hey guys!"

Sonic peered over the edge of the X-Tornado again.

"Sorry, but they had two widths in those colors." Knuckles held up two paint cans. "I didn't know if you wanted the broad stripes or the narrow ones, so I got both."

Tails glanced at Sonic, who was blinking down at Knuckles in mute shock. The little fox chuckled and got back to work.


	2. Class Act

**A/N: Ah, it's starting already! Expect to see Team Dark in these mishmashes. Frequently. How the scariest team in Sonic-dom wound up being one of the funniest, I don't know . . . but the really scary part is that all the crazy stuff in this chapter has actually happened in real life. o.O**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.! **

* * *

It was another long, drawn-out, frankly rather pointless G.U.N. meeting. Almost all the agents were required to be there, and they'd really catch if they weren't, so everyone was therefore there. Very dutifully. They were supposed to be taking notes too, but only a few teacher's pets were bothering. Shadow and Rouge were also present, looking like a "What's Wrong With This Picture?" game as they sat amidst a crowd of humans. Omega was at the back of the room, evidently paying attention like a good little robot. Or very large ton-and-a-half robot, whatever you prefer.

"Pssst," whispered Rouge, nudging Shadow. "Wake up. The lecturer's bound to see you if you keep on like that."

"I'm awake," retorted Shadow under his breath, opening one eye.

"Well then, to avoid having an eraser thrown at your head, you should try _looking_ that way too!" Rouge hissed. Shadow muttered something and began drawing small tesselating triangles on his notebook page, which was otherwise blank except for the day's date.

Rouge began drawing too. Presently she elbowed him again; when he gave her an annoyed look, she showed him a flightily-drawn pen sketch of Maria the hedgehog. He tilted his head and shrugged, mouthing "not bad," then went back to doodling triangles. Presently he realized that Rouge was constantly glancing at him. Before he could ask what her issue was, she nudged him again and showed him another sketch, this one of himself just as he was now—bored and doodling. She stifled a grin as Shadow studied the sketch without much enthusiasm.

"I'm not even angry now," he pointed out under his breath.

"I know, but you always look like that," Rouge whispered back.

Shadow rolled his eyes and declined to comment. And sure enough, a few minutes later he felt Rouge's elbow against his arm again, and she showed him yet another sketch—this one of the lecturer himself, comically stiff and upright, pointing smugly at some aimless figures on a blackboard. Shadow shook his head at Rouge in a "get serious, would you?" manner. Chuckling under her breath, she settled down and began randomly doodling emeralds and other gems. The clouds of sparkles on them were ridiculous.

The meeting dragged on. Everyone was getting bored out of his or her respective skull. The minutes ticked by . . . Shadow played aimlessly with his pen, twirling it in his fingers, clicking and un-clicking the retractable tip, bending back the plastic clip, twisting the little writing utensil this way and that.

It all happened very suddenly; one minute he was fiddling away, the next minute the pen seemed to vanish from his hand. He only registered where it was when he heard it bounce off the chalkboard in the front of the room. How the heck?

The lecturer glanced up startledly at the clattering of the pen on the floor, then looked grimly out at the room full of agents, of varying ages.

"What's going on?" he asked sternly.

_He doesn't know it was me,_ thought Shadow, trying to look innocent and praying that nobody else was giving him away by staring at him.

"Is somebody throwing pens at the front of the room?" asked the lecturer. No answer. Shadow mentally thanked any witnesses for keeping their mouths shut.

"I expect no more such incidents," growled the lecturer, turning back to the board and resuming the lecture. As soon as his back was turned, Shadow breathed a mental sigh of relief. He glanced at Rouge, only to find that she had slid way down in her seat with both hands pinned over her mouth, and was shaking all over with suppressed laughter. A lot of the other agents around them were also silently stifling their amusement. Shadow looked around bewilderedly, then realized he was pretty much the subject of the joke and reddened, sliding down in his seat as well.

"The look on your _face!_" whispered Rouge, once she'd gotten hold of herself. "Priceless!"

Shadow ignored her, scowling at the back of the head of the agent in front of him. Rouge elbowed him teasingly. Unamused, he elbowed her back, then she elbowed him back, then he simmered a few seconds only to catch her off-guard by elbowing her again . . .

This might have gone on for a while, if they hadn't been interrupted by a crash nearby. One of the young agents two spaces to their left had somehow managed to collapse the little fold-out tabletop from her seat, while she still had her notebooks and a novel and a plastic coffee mug on it. She and most of the agents in the vicinity froze as the lecturer again turned and gave the assembled crowd a warning look. As soon as he resumed speaking, however, a large proportion of the audience started stifling laughter again; it was all too silly.

"This section of the room seems to be good at embarrassing itself today," Rouge murmured to Shadow. He scowled at her irately and rolled his eyes.

Then, for good measure, there suddenly came a commotion of thumping and _singing_ from the next room. The meeting was optional for non-spy "heavyweight" agents, since they had a regular training meet that overlapped with the lecture time. Evidently, the training meet had just started, and evidently, singing military songs while training was the norm. Just when it seemed like things couldn't get crazier.

The lecturer continued lecturing, but his sentences were continually punctuated by strains of warlike ballads in a very badly out-of-tune male chorus. Eventually he broke off and glared at the wall separating the two rooms. Then he strode annoyedly out through the door. The minute he was gone the majority of the audience collapsed into laughter.

"Good grief," muttered Shadow. Meanwhile, dead silence suddenly fell in the next room. The agents got themselves sobered up quickly before the lecturer strode back in irately and resumed. Every now and then, however, a subdued but rebellious strain of song could be heard coming from the next room, and the thumping never abated at all. Throughout the rest of the meeting, Shadow and Rouge, and really all the agents, took care not to meet each other's glance.

After the lecture finally dragged to a close, Shadow attempted to melt off into the dispersing throngs of agents. No use; Rouge popped up right next to him as soon as he was out in the hall.

"Where do you think you're going?" she chirped. "We have to wait for Omega!"

"What's keeping him?" asked Shadow impatiently. Rouge rolled her eyes.

"He's still in the assembly hall, asking the lecturer for clarification on some of his topics," she said. "He _hasn't had enough yet!_"

"Unbelievable," muttered Shadow. He leaned resignedly against the wall and glanced off down the hallway, wondering if maybe Rouge was going to leave him alone.

Nooooo. Definitely not.

"Seriously?" grinned Rouge, taking up a place next to him. "What the heck were you _doing?_"

"When?" stalled Shadow.

"What possessed you to start throwing the writing materials around?"

"I threw nothing," retorted Shadow. "I bent back the clip on the pen, and somehow it rebounded . . . strangely."

"No kidding," said Rouge. "You _really_ need to work on your aim, though. You missed him by a mile."

Shadow snorted, but felt the corners of his mouth twitching as he realized the incident could have ended much more badly than it did.

"I have no idea how it works," he admitted. "I've been practicing; usually I can whack the Faker between the eyes any day, dead center. But I can never hit even _close_ to the lecturer. I'm beginning to think he has some kind of mystical aura that deflects projectiles."

"Waaait a minute. Wait. Are you a _double agent?_ Are you secretly out to assassinate that poor lecturer?"

"Of course. In front of nearly every agent in G.U.N. By catapulting pens at him," said Shadow sarcastically. Rouge gave up the charade and laughed. Shadow rolled his eyes, but allowed himself a rueful half-smile.

"Can I help, then?" asked Rouge, recovering. "I've never really used a pen as a weapon before, but I've heard they're mightier than swords. It would be good if I could learn . . . "

"All right. I have to keep practicing anyway, and I can teach you on the side."

"And we use Sonic for target practice, yes?"

"Of course."

"Poor Sonic," chuckled Rouge. Shadow snorted and looked away, smirking slightly.

A familiar clank-thump sound down the hall announced that Omega had finally finished probing the lecturer's mind.

"Took you long enough," said Rouge drily.

"My apologies. I wanted to be sure I correctly understood the material," replied Omega in his robotic twang.

"Honestly Omega," sighed Rouge, as Team Dark set off down the hall. "What the heck do you find _interesting_ in those lectures?"

"There is much to be learned from them," replied Omega. "Although I do not understand why you organics were all being so disruptive today."

"Shadow's trying to assassinate the lecturer!" said Rouge brightly.

"You know he'll believe you," hissed Shadow.

"Assassinate?" asked Omega, suspicion creeping into his robotic voice.

"By throwing pens at him!" continued Rouge, with a straight face.

A bit of silence.

"Does not compute," said Omega at last.

Rouge's laughter was still echoing down the hall long after Team Dark was out of sight.


	3. His Own Worst Enemy

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Infiltrating Eggman's base was not safe. That was something no one could deny. Sonic's forte was of course more of speed than sneakery, but when the volume of his breathing affected the very continuation of his breath, he could be plenty stealthy. Every quill, every strand of fur, stood on end with tension as he prowled the darkened halls of the Egg Fort. If he strained his ears, he could hear the infinitesimally soft sound of Tails's breath just behind him, and the faint _shlp, shlp, shlp_ sound of the rubber soles on his shoes unsticking from the floor.

In the darkness ahead, two even darker shapes loomed. Sonic paused, his eyes narrowing. Two passages . . . which one to take?

"Sonic," Tails's voice came murmuring in his ear. "Maybe we should split up."

"Won't that make us more vulnerable to sneak attacks?" Sonic whispered back.

"Yeah, probably. But we don't have time to search both passages!"

"Okay," sighed Sonic. "Be careful, big guy. Something about this place sends chills down my spines."

Tails nodded in grim agreement and padded silently down the passageway on the right. Sonic snuck down the one on the left. His breath seemed much too loud in the now-complete silence, and the darkness pressed in on every side.

Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he saw a dim glint of blue, creeping silently nearby. Sonic whirled.

"A-HA! Thought you could sneak up on me, huh?!"

Clenching his fists, the courageous hedgehog drove himself at the enemy.

Down in the other corridor, Tails heard thuds and a cry of pain. Stiffening, the little fox came running. He skidded up to the scene to find Sonic sprawled on the ground, with a ring of metaphorical Flickies circling his head.

"Sonic!" yelped Tails, kneeling at his side. "What happened?"

"Oww," groaned Sonic. "Stupid Metal Sonic . . . the jerk snuck up on me, and when I attacked him he bonked me on the head!"

"And then he just left?" asked Tails in disbelief. It wasn't like Metal Sonic to leave the job unfinished—though of course, Tails was exceedingly grateful that he had.

"Where'd he go?" he asked. Sonic sat up, rubbing his head.

"I dunno, but he came from that way." He pointed.

Tails glanced in that direction and scratched his head in puzzlement. There was nothing there but a solid wall and a large mirror . . .


	4. Omega On Buridan's Bridge

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or the songs mentioned!**

* * *

"Get him!" barked Shadow, shaking sweat from his eyes. Team Dark had been chasing one particularly stubborn rival agent for half the night. While the critter was a master of evasion, catching him was essential. Not only did he have valuable information about the forces threatening Mobius' general peace, but Team Dark would be in utter disgrace if the three of them combined couldn't catch one measly opponent. Easy for the folks back at HQ to say, though; they weren't the ones chasing smoke in a mirror.

And yet again, the shadowy agent slipped out of sight and temporarily disappeared. Team Dark fanned out and began poking through the grass and bushes, searching.

"Careful, Omega!" called Rouge, glancing up. "Don't fall off that riverbank there. You weren't built for swimming."

Omega buzzed disdainfully.

"My angular perceptors are perfectly capable of discerning a safe distance from which to—"

Suddenly the rival agent exploded from the tall grass almost under Omega's feet, and made a dash for it.

"Grab him!" cried Rouge. Accordingly, Omega grabbed. He caught the agent firmly around the middle with one hand and hoisted him into the air.

"Resistance is futile," he announced grimly. "You will surrender immediately."

"Woah, woah now, pal," said the agent in a slippery voice, squirming. He was a weaselly sort of fellow. "What say we make a deal, huh?"

"No deals," growled Omega. He was rather proud of having captured the tricksy agent; usually nimble catches like that went to Shadow and Rouge. He was determined not to mess this up.

The agent squirmed a minute more, then looked around helplessly as Shadow and Rouge stepped grimly up.

"Wh . . . what are you gonna do to me?"

"It's more of what _you're_ gonna do," said Shadow, folding his arms. "We'd like some answers. Tell us the truth, and we'll toss you in the river and let you go free—you _can_ swim, right?" He grinned darkly. The rival agent nodded eagerly, but there was a shifty light in his eyes. Rouge noticed.

"Careful," she warned. "We know if you're fudging. If you lie to us, we'll knock you out and drag you to headquarters for interrogation, and believe me sugar, you _won't_ like that."

"So lemme get this straight," gulped the agent. "If I tell the truth, Robo-boy here throws me in the river. But if I lie, he'll knock me out."

"Affirmative," grated Omega, glaring the agent down with surprising ferocity. "Talk, weasel."

The weasel suddenly grinned from ear to ear and looked Omega in the eye.

"You're gonna knock me out now."

Omega shifted back slightly, a faint electronic noise rattling in his head.

"Oh, heck no," groaned Shadow. "Omega! Don't think about it! Don't—"

"DOES NOT COMPUTE. SYSTEM ERROR," intoned Omega, and promptly shut down. His grip loosened, and the rival agent hit the ground running.

. . .

A while later, Omega awoke to find Shadow tinkering with the panel on his back.

"I told you not to dig around in my mechanics unless absolutely necessary," grumbled the robot.

"Would you prefer the alternative?" asked Shadow drily. Omega fell silent—Shadow's preferred fix-it for malfunctioning electronics was a well-aimed kick. It worked wonders, but Omega didn't much go for it.

"Did the agent escape?" he asked anxiously at length.

"Shadow got him eventually," called Rouge from nearby. "They're interrogating him now." She shuddered. "The poor sap. They're really getting brutal with him."

Omega shifted slightly in grim understanding.

"They are playing the HamsterDance?"

"Worse," sighed Rouge. "Firework."

There was a moment of unhappy silence. Team Dark wasn't the most merciful bunch, but G.U.N.'s interrogation methods made even them squirm a bit.

"So, anyway," said Shadow. "I guess at least _you_ don't have that sucker's misery on your conscience."

Omega gave a metallic equivalent of a sigh.

"My apologies for the near-loss of our objective. My systems were overloaded."

"You don't say."

"I do say," said Omega glumly. "The protocol denied itself. He said I would knock him out, so if I knocked him out, that would make his statement true. But if it were true, the correct punishment would have been the river. But if I threw him in the river, that would make his statement false, so I should have knocked him out. But I could not knock him out, because—"

"That's enough!" said Shadow hastily, seeing Omega's processors were starting to overheat again. "It's a paradox, Omega. There is no real solution."

"Of course there is," cut in Rouge.

"No, there is not," said Shadow impatiently. "That's why it's a paradox."

"Of course there's a solution!" Rouge persisted. "Omega, next time something like that happens, don't sweat it. There's a way out."

"Oh?" said Shadow, folding his arms. "Do tell."

"Easy," scoffed Rouge. "First you knock him out. _Then_ you toss him in the river."

Omega was silent for a while, processing. Then he gave a metallic sigh again.

"It would appear your intellect has superseded my own advanced programming. My deepest compliments."

"Why thank you, hon," Rouge smiled, folding her wings down coyly. "It's nothing, really. Well, sort of nothing. Kind of."

Shadow shut his eyes in resignation.


	5. Confusion and Chaos

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Team Sonic was charging through the wilderness somewhere, looking for trouble. No, not in _that_ sense; they were looking for trouble so they could take it down. There had been sightings of Eggman's robots in the area, and they wanted to check if it was another one of his schemes, or just another passel of clueless 'bots that got lost.

"Stop!" cried Tails all of a sudden. "Look at that sign!"

Sonic and Knuckles skidded to a halt and looked where the little fox was pointing. There was a high wall nearby, with a large gateway and a solid wooden gate. On the gate was hung a sign.

"CAUTION," Sonic read aloud. "CHAOS AHEAD." He glanced at Knuckles. "Would you know anything about that?"

Knuckles shook his head.

"Liquid Chaos is still inside the Master Emerald, as far as I know. So there shouldn't be Perfect Chaos or anything back there."

"Unless Dr. Eggman made a fake one!" said Tails anxiously.

"Maybe it just means 'chaos' like a whole lot of craziness," said Sonic. "Do you think they mean road work?"

"Knowing how they do road work these days, I wouldn't be surprised," muttered Knuckles.

"But then why is it so quiet?" asked Tails.

They all stood and listened for a while. Sure enough, there was no discernable sound coming from behind the wall. Certainly not any sound that could be identified as road work.

"Well," said Sonic at last. "Guess there's nothing to do but go and have a look."

"Sounds like a trap," growled Knuckles.

"Chance we've gotta take!" Sonic shrugged. "You guys wait here."

"But—"

Sonic would brook no denial. Slipping the gate open just a crack, he whisked through and shut it behind him. Knuckles and Tails waited in dreadful suspense, shifting uneasily. Suddenly Sonic bolted out through the gate and leaned back against it. He stared wide-eyed at his two friends, panting.

"Sonic! What's wrong? What was it?" gasped Tails.

Sonic suddenly grinned.

"Just kidding."

"_What's back there?!_"

Chuckling, Sonic threw the gate open and pointed. Beyond the gate was a grassy field, filled with an enormous sleeping colony of little blue . . . chaos . . .

* * *

**A/N: No, seriously. Who thought it was a good idea to have a series where the Emeralds and Energy and Control and Blast and Spear are all CHAOS, and there's an ancient liquid life form called CHAOS, and there's also little tiny flying life forms called . . . CHAOS? They could at least put an apostrophe in there . . . or come up with a better plural. I'm thinking singular Chao, plural Chaones, after the Latin. :P**


	6. Dancing in the Streets

**A/N: This one is actually a "novelization" of a comic drawn by a friend of mine. So if it seems a little strange . . . it did make way better sense in comic form. (And the expressions were adorable!) But still, having a try at it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

It was a lovely sunny morning on Mobius. Knuckles was outside washing his car. Now normally, he doesn't even have a car, but suspend your disbelief a li'l while, okay? If you watch the Japanese intro to Sonic X, you can see that he does at least know how to drive.

Anyway, Knuckles was washing his car. He had a huge soapy bucket of water, and had turned a radio on good and loud in the garage to keep himself company while he worked. The music was reaching easily to the end of the driveway.

While Knuckles was busy with a tough patch of grease, Sonic came sailing down the road, feet flying. However, he soon slowed down, then outright stopped, his ears twitching. He tilted his head and squinted with interest at Knuckles' driveway.

"Say, I like this song!" he remarked to no one in particular.

It was indeed one of his favorites. Soon the blue hedgehog's feet were tapping. Unable to contain himself, he began to sway slightly from leg to leg, getting tangled up in the bouncy beat. As soon as that song was over, another one of his favorites came on, and his swaying became more and more enthusiastic.

Presently Tails came by.

"Hi Sonic! Uh . . . what's going on?"

"I dunno, it's like it's gonna be a flash mob or something!" said Sonic, beginning to outright step and hop. "Come on, join in!"

"Oh, all right," said Tails, just a little dubiously. However, the music was definitely good, and soon the little fox was dancing happily around, his tails swishing.

Silver trotted by and stopped in puzzlement. There was loud music coming from Knuckles' garage, Sonic was warming up for breakdancing, Tails was doing the electric slide, and Knuckles, completely oblivious, was washing his car.

"Is this a flash mob or something?" asked Silver. "I've always kind of wanted to be in one of those."

"Sure, join us! We need all the help we can get!" called Sonic.

"Okay, sure." Silver joined the other two at the end of Knuckles' driveway.

Things escalated fast. Soon Amy and Cream came scampering in. Charmy dragged a reluctant Espio and Vector with him. Eventually even Rouge and Big were discoing about in that poor unfortunate driveway. They were all having quite a merry time of it, but Knuckles apparently didn't hear because the music was so loud where he was standing.

Eventually, though, Knuckles finished washing his car.

"Ah! Now I'm done!" he remarked cheerfully, surveying his newly-sparkling vehicle. He picked up the bucket, planning to empty it at the end of the driveway. The soap was good for killing weeds there.

As soon as he stepped around the car, Knuckles froze in shock.

"Oh no! Is that what I think it is . . . ?"

"It's a flash mob!" hollered Charmy exultantly.

"In my driveway?!"

"Yeah!"

Knuckles was not amused.

"GETOUTTAHERE!"

There was a flurry of splashing and yelping and general protest.

"Thank you, my trusty bucket!" Knuckles patted the pail fondly. "Got all ten of 'em."

"I'll get my revenge!" a very wet, sudsy, and irate Sonic was hollering meanwhile. Sighing, Tails wrung an enormous quantity of water out of one of his fluffy tails.

"Now I remember why I avoid getting into Sonic's get-ups. Man, I hate blow-drying these things . . . "


	7. Well, That Explains a Lot

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Team Dark was under assault again. But this time, it was a very curious kind of assault, being made by a bunch of very curious youngsters.

"So how did it happen, Mr. Shadow?" persisted Cream, her eyes wide and questioning.

"Yeah, tell us!" demanded Charmy eagerly.

"Okay, all right, fine. It's like this," explained Shadow. "This is how it went. There was this room." He motioned with his hands to indicate an appropriate sort of room. "And in this room was an amnesiac psycho with a major existential identity crisis, a bitter psycho with pyromania and serious rage issues, and a manipulative kleptomaniac with a compulsive lying problem. And the two psychos were trying to kill each other. I mean seriously, death battle. So naturally, the kleptomaniac suddenly realizes, 'Hot dang, we would make a great team!' And that's how it happened."

Shadow paused in his narrative for a minute, then turned to Rouge blankly.

"Wait, wait. Remind me again why you thought this was a good idea?"


	8. The Chao on the Bus

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

"There's no choice," said Amy Rose resignedly. "We have to take the bus."

The reasons were obscure and irrelevant, but Team Rose did indeed have to take the bus. Carrying duffel bags, they located a bus stop and attempted to calculate their fare.

"Okay," said Amy, rummaging in her purse and counting loose change. "Let me see. One adult fare for me, one for Big. One child's fare for Cream." She looked up and surveyed Cheese and Froggy thoughtfully. "I wonder if they allow pets on the bus . . ."

"Cheese is not a pet!" squealed Cream in protest.

"Fwoggy isn't a pet either! He's my fwriend!"

"Okay, okay," said Amy hastily, holding up her hands in surrender. "So we'll pay fare for them too. Is Cheese going to need adult fare or child fare?"

Cream glanced at the squeaky-winged, bow-tied chao thoughtfully.

"Well, Cheese is a grown-up chao," she ventured. "So he should pay adult fare."

"But how old is he?" asked Amy.

"Oh, Cheese is six years old, like me!" said Cream at once.

"Well, if he's the same age as you, he should take child's fare like you do," said Amy.

"Okay," said Cream. Then she seemed to realize something. "But six years is twenty-four in chao years!"

Amy sighed wearily.

"Well then, I don't know what he should pay."

"Neither do I," said Cream plaintively. "Do the buses count age by real years, or chao years?"

"Because in technical terms," groaned Amy, trying to explain it to herself, "Cheese is young enough to ride with child's fare. But in Chao terms, he's an adult, so maybe he should take adult fare."

There was some silence as Team Rose tried to figure it out.

"Or, let's think about it this way," ventured Amy. "Why do they have different prices for kids anyway? I mean, for zoos and museums and stuff, kids pay less because they don't get as much out of it. Would Cheese get much out of a bus ride?"

"I think on buses, they charge kids less because they're smaller," volunteered Cream. "So Cheese would pay child's fare, because he's really small!"

"That's true," said Amy. "That's very true. Okay, so since he _is_ technically six years old, and he _is_ really small and won't even need his own seat, he'll probably be paying children's fare. Okay!" She scruffed up her quills in relief. "Phew. Glad that's figured out. Children's fare for Cheese and Froggy."

"But Fwoggy's not a kid!" interrupted Big. "And he wants his own seat."

"I'm sure he'll still pay kid's fare, if he's below six," said Amy, struggling to keep her temper.

"Fwoggy's seven."

Amy stood in silence for a second, pulling at her quills. Then she snapped.

"Okay, that _does_ it!" She hurled her duffel bag to the ground, threw open the zipper on top, and pointed into it grimly. "I've had it. I don't care if those two are pets or passengers or adults or children or _what_. For as long as they're on the bus, they're going to be _luggage!_"


	9. Haters Gonna Hate

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.! **

* * *

"Yo Silver!" called Sonic, barging in through Silver's door without knocking, as was his habit. Tails trailed resignedly in the blue hedgehog's wake. "I know you're home, Silver! One of the Egghead's 'bots just fell over, and it weighs like fifty tons and it's blocking a public street, so we need you to help—"

Sonic broke off abruptly as he found Silver. The psychokinetic hedgehog was perched on a chair by the kitchen table, watching something on a small laptop. Judging by the strange expression on Silver's face, and the audio from the speakers, Sonic had a pretty good idea of what was playing. Behind him, Tails made a little worried sound.

Meanwhile, Silver glanced up, noticed them, and paused the video.

"Oh, hey guys. What were you saying about a robot?"

Sonic ignored the question. He and Tails stood awkwardly, not quite sure what to say.

"So," ventured Sonic at last. "You've seen them, huh?"

"Seen what?"

Sonic looked away slightly.

"The haters."

"Oh, them." Silver shrugged. "It's not like it's the first time."

"You knew about them?!"

"Knew about who?" Knuckles and Amy appeared at the front door.

"He's seen the hater videos," explained Tails. Knuckles shook his head sadly, while Amy gave a sympathetic wail and dove to give Silver a hug.

"You poor thing!" she lamented, as Silver reddened and gently attempted to free himself. "Don't worry, you know we all like you!"

"Uh . . . thanks," stammered Silver. "But—"

"I know how you feel," continued Amy, pulling back and swiping a tear from one eye. "I have a lot of haters too. I know it hurts, Silver, but you can stand strong through it!"

"Yeah, keep a stiff upper lip, buddy," Sonic ventured awkwardly. "What do they know, anyway? Just ignore them and—"

"Hey, hey, wait you guys!" protested Silver, waving his hands. "Thanks for being so nice and all, but I'm all right, really!"

"You don't have to put on a brave face, Silver," assured Amy gently. "There's no shame in feeling hurt."

"Have to agree with her there," grunted Knuckles, leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded. "I don't think _anyone_ could stand up under that kind of hate. I mean, people have made videos about feeding him to sharks, tying him up and shooting him, making him—" the echidna broke off with a yelp as Tails kicked him surreptitiously in the shin.

"What was that for?" protested Knuckles. The others gave him dirty looks.

"Yeah, just what Silver needs right now—more stories about the stupid things people do to him," scolded Amy.

"No, it's okay. I've seen all those videos anyway," said Silver. The others exchanged glances uneasily.

"And . . . you're okay?" ventured Sonic.

"Well, yeah," shrugged Silver. He glanced out the window contemplatively. "I mean, it's not fun watching myself getting beaten up. And it's really sad that people have so much hate in them that they have to take it out on a fictional character."

"Don't bring up that fictional part," pleaded Tails. "That still gives me existential crises!"

"Sorry," said Silver. "But yeah. I mean, I could understand it if people didn't like me. But hating me so much that they make videos showing what they'd like to do to me?" He shook his head. "Kinda lame."

"So, what are you gonna do?" asked Sonic at length.

"Same thing I've been doing for years: ignore them. It's no use getting worked up over a bunch of weirdoes like that." He scratched behind one ear contemplatively. "Sucks to be fictional, though. Would be nice to run into one or two of them someday."

"Uh . . . what are you implying?" asked Knuckles.

"Oh, nothing." Smiling innocently, Silver stood up and flicked his laptop shut. "All right, let's get to that robot you were telling me about."

The others exchanged uneasy glances as Silver trotted out the door. Knuckles shook his head dolefully.

"There are times when you hedgehogs scare me."

* * *

**A/N: Yes, this was an opinion piece. If anyone reading this happens to be one of those sadistic Silver bashers . . . sorry, but I'm not sorry. If your idea of fun is mutilating an innocent hedgehog, just go way back and sit down, okay? Thank you.**


	10. Shadow and Amy

**A/N: And ****now, for something . . . very different . . . **

**Although I'm sure you've seen this couple being done before, right?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

The crisp, beautiful afternoon was entirely lost on Amy Rose. She sat under a tree near her house, wailing in doleful misery. Her gloves were soaked, and even her skirt was spotted with tears.

"Amy?" A voice jolted her out of her little cocoon of grief. Sniffling, she raised her eyes to find Shadow standing nearby, eyeing her with a mixture of confusion and concern. For some reason, her heart fluttered suddenly. Her tears stopped flowing, or at least slowed significantly.

"Are you hurt?" asked Shadow, stepping closer. "Did something happen?"

"I'm—hrrrk—" Amy choked and struggled to get a hold of herself. "I'm—oh Shadow, it's so horrible . . . "

"What happened?" Shadow crouched next to her grimly, studying her tear-stained face. "No, let me guess—it's the blue idiot again." His face darkened. "Did he hurt you?"

"Not—not exactly," gulped Amy. "But, oh Shadow, it's so, so, horrible . . . "

Shadow studied her a moment more. Then, surprisingly, he shifted his position and sat down facing her, leaning against the trunk of the tree. He tilted his head, silently inviting her to continue. Amy's damp eyes were wide as she gazed at him in surprise.

"You—you don't mind if I tell you about it?"

Shadow shook his head. With a sudden watery smile, Amy took a deep breath and began.

"It's—it's nothing, I guess. I suppose I shouldn't be so worked up about it. But I'm just so sick of it all . . . Today I went out looking for Sonic, just like I always do. I just wanted to—to say hello, and hug him . . . " She gulped down another threatening storm of tears, then resumed. "So I searched and searched, and then I found him. But when I ran to hug him, he saw me coming, and he started to run away like always, and—and I yelled for him to stop, I begged for him to wait, and he just yelled 'no way!' and ran off, and . . . and . . . why does he always run away from meeeee?"

Burying her face in her palms, she resumed sobbing. Shadow sat pensively, his eyes distant with thought, but also softened with something unfamiliar—some feeling he didn't quite recognize. He supposed it was compassion.

"I know he doesn't like me hugging him," Amy was sobbing meanwhile. "But I can't help it, I really can't! I just love him so much, I have to show it. Sometimes I feel like I could follow him forever, but sometimes I just want it to stop . . . "

Shadow shook his head slowly.

"You're too good for him, Amy Rose."

"Wh . . . what?" whispered Amy, lifting her gaze again. Shadow regarded her, his eyes serious and honest.

"You heard me. That faker doesn't deserve someone like you."

"I . . . "

"You can't go on like this," continued Shadow. "You chasing, him running, you never catching him. I don't . . . I don't really know much about all that love stuff. Heck, I know pretty much nothing about it. But even I know that it isn't right, the way he keeps fleeing from your affection. When you're that crazy about him . . . it's just wrong for him to push you away like that."

"You mean it?" Amy's eyelashes, still sparkling with tears, quivered slightly with emotion. She couldn't believe Shadow was saying all this to her.

"You've got to do something about it," urged Shadow. "He's escaped you too many times."

"But I just don't know," murmured Amy. "I've chased Sonic for so long, I don't know what else I could possibly do."

"I think I know," said Shadow quietly. Amy's eyes turned to him, wide and puzzled and questioning. Glancing around to see if anyone was nearby, Shadow crooked his index finger twice, motioning for her to come closer. Her breath caught slightly, but she complied.

Glancing around once more, Shadow leaned closer till his mouth was right by Amy's ear. His breath tickled slightly through her quills as he whispered something hurriedly, almost shyly, a small smile flickering involuntarily onto his muzzle. Amy's eyes grew wider and wider as he spoke. As soon as he finished, she sank back, staring at him in utter euphoric disbelief.

"You . . . you mean it?!" she gasped, her heart pounding.

Shadow nodded, the smile sneaking back before he could do anything about it.

"That is, if you would be willing . . . ?" He trailed off questioningly.

"Yes! Yes, yes, _yes!_ YES!"

Following this squeal of joy, Amy abruptly lunged forward and kissed a very startled Shadow on the cheek. She swung back again, her eyes sparkling with absolutely cosmic delight, and giggled dizzily as Shadow blinked at her in shock. Recovering somewhat, the dark hedgehog looked away to hide the smirk on his reddening muzzle.

"You're very excitable, Amy Rose."

"I'm just so happy!" squealed Amy in return, pressing her fists to her muzzle rapturously. "You're—you're wonderful!"

"Well—well thanks, but . . . don't get too excited. I . . . " Shadow sighed. "I guess I should be honest with you. It's . . . it's not _just_ because of you. I guess you could say my motives aren't altogether pure."

Amy's face fell, but only a little. She blinked in mute inquiry. Shadow wiggled one foot back and forth, fixing his gaze on it awkwardly.

"It's not _entirely_ just because of you. Part of the reason I told you is—well, it's . . . kind of a rivalry thing. I know it's low-down of me, but partly I'm just doing this to . . . to spite the Faker." He actually blushed slightly. "I guess I sort of wanted to see him suffer."

Venturing a glance in Amy's direction, he saw her smile had returned full-force.

"I don't mind!" she assured eagerly. "I don't mind a _bit_, Shadow. After all I've been through, I kinda want to make Sonic suffer too!"

Shadow chuckled silently. Getting to his feet, he brushed off a few strands of dried grass and offered Amy a hand up.

"You're quite a girl, Amy Rose." Amy beamed at him, her cheeks flushed with eagerness.

"Are you really sure about this?" asked Shadow one last time. "Are you ready?"

"Yes! Yes! I'm so ready I could die!" squealed Amy. Shadow nodded and placed his hands on her shoulders, looking gravely into her eyes.

"All right, Amy Rose. Give me a little time, and I'll make you the happiest girl in the world."

"Oh, Shadow," whispered Amy blissfully. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Smiling one last time, Shadow turned away. "All right, let's do this. You stay right here, and be ready to grab. I'll chase that blasted undeserving Faker in your direction."


	11. Sonic the Sk8r-Hog

**A/N: Taking a suggestion from aquayzar777!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Sonic and his friends, for one reason or another, wound up going out to a roller rink. Most of them had never roller-skated before.

"Can't be that different from ice-skating, huh?" said Sonic cheerfully.

"And you're saying this in a _hopeful_ sense?" muttered Shadow. When ice-skating, Sonic spent most of his time on the ice literally _on_ the ice.

"Rollar-skating is very easy!" piped Cream. "And lots of fun! I'll teach you."

"Well thanks," said Sonic, clipping on a set of wheels. Mobians didn't change their shoes to roller-skate; they used old-fashioned skates that buckled on right over the shoes. Soon most of the Mobians were out in the rink, cautiously testing the new wheels and calling encouragement to each other over the scratchy, hollow-sounding rock music they always play at those kinds of venues.

"So what's first?" Sonic asked Cream, and promptly plunked down on his stomach. Scrambling up again, he fell over backwards instead.

"Um . . . " said Cream uneasily. "First you have to . . . stay upright?"

Sonic sat up, laughing.

"Gonna be harder than you thought, huh Cream?"

"Oh, don't worry Mr. Sonic!" said Cream hastily. "You'll learn!"

"Maybe," remarked Shadow sardonically from nearby. He didn't seem to be having any trouble at all, himself.

Meanwhile, Rouge was circling Knuckles.

"You're not doing too bad there, Knuckie," she grinned. "But you'd do even better if you actually moved."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," grumbled Knuckles, grabbing for the wall. He wasn't about to clown around like Sonic did.

Gradually, Sonic grew better at standing on his skates without tumbling. Still, just when he thought he was getting it, he'd always keel over again, usually bringing someone else with him.

"You're a menace, Faker," remarked Shadow, executing a lazy kick turn.

"Aww, come on! It's not like I'm the worst skater in the world or anything," scoffed Sonic.

"True." Shadow tilted his head reflectively. "I suppose we could always try to get Omega into a pair of skates."

"DISPENSE WITH THAT IDEA IMMEDIATELY, HEDGEHOG!" bellowed Omega's voice from beyond the wall of the rink. Rouge stifled a giggle.

Rolling his eyes, Sonic began to skate carefully along the edge of the rink, grabbing the wall whenever he felt unsteady. Amy skated close by his side, chattering blissfully about how romantic it all was. Shadow, meanwhile, circled the rink at a fair pace, swooshing past the twosome every twenty seconds or so. Sonic was getting annoyed.

"Well, please don't slow down on _my_ account," he muttered through his teeth, as Shadow passed him for the twentieth time.

"All right," smirked Shadow, and picked up speed. Soon he was beginning to blur slightly, circling the rink in a matter of five seconds or so. On the fourth round, he deliberately swerved slightly to clip Sonic's shoulder, sending him spinning into Amy. Amy was startled at first, but then threw her arms happily around a dizzy Sonic and half-crushed him as usual.

"I've really had it," muttered Sonic, struggling to squirm loose. "Get back here, Shadster!"

Shadow flicked an ear to show he'd heard and skated over, performing a neat T-stop.

"Giving up, Faker?"

Sonic, however, noticed a streak of liquid plastic trailing behind the shoe Shadow had dragged to stop.

"Dude, you're melting the wheels off your skates!" he said, pointing. "Are you using the jets on your shoes?"

"Naturally."

"Oh, come on! That's cheating!"

"There's no rule against it."

"Oh yeah?" Sonic stamped his skates in challenge. "I dare you to race me _without_ using your jet shoes!"

"Forget it."

"What, you _chicken?_" Sonic grinned. Shadow surveyed him for a moment, tapping the heel of one skate against the floor.

"Faker," he said at last. "You're annoying enough I'll put you through the humiliation."

"We'll just see about that!" declared Sonic, and fell backwards again for good measure.

They set up the conditions. Warning the other skaters to stay clear, they had Shadow dip his shoes in water to temporarily disable the jets. (He refused to take the shoes off; nobody actually knew if they even _came_ off.) He was still pretty steady on his feet, but his speed had decreased notably.

The race was to be forty laps around the rink. Tails called the start, and everyone settled back to watch.

At first there was some concern that Sonic would out-and-out get killed, trying to go fast when he couldn't even stand still without risking injury. However, as Sonic cautiously picked up speed, he started to do better and better. Soon he was going in a smooth blue streak, his skates clattering against the floor as his running instincts kicked in. Shadow was no slouch himself, even without his jets, but he quickly fell behind. By the time Sonic slid through the conclusion of his fortieth lap, Shadow was a full _three laps_ behind. Being a hedgehog of honor, he completed the final three circles anyway.

"How d'ya like that, then?!" exulted Sonic, as Shadow finally came sliding to a halt. "Three laps, Shadow! _Three!_"

"What's your excuse?" demanded Shadow. "Don't tell me all this time you were faking incompetence, Faker."

"Nahh. Speed is just my element. When I started to go faster, it got a lot easier to balance, and it was all downhill from there." Sonic grinned cockily. "So, do you still think I'm the worst skater in the world?"

Shadow bit his tongue, but sighed.

"No, not the worst," he admitted grudgingly, and shook the hand Sonic extended to him. "But don't worry, you're still pretty close."

"Thaaaaaaanks," said Sonic drily. Unfortunately, when standing still the force of a handshake was evidently enough to throw him off-balance. In the process of keeling over, he succeeded in knocking Shadow backwards as well.

Shadow sat up, shook his head clear, and deliberately tested the jets on first one shoe, then the other. They were working again.

"Uh . . . hold on, now . . . " said Sonic, backing away. "It's not like I knocked you over on purpose!"

"Run Faker run," warned Shadow, getting up.

"Ohhhh, shoot." Sonic took off for dear life, with Shadow in pursuit.

"Those boys never quit, do they?" Rouge sighed. She glanced over at Knuckles, who was still clinging to the exact same spot on the wall. "You know, you really _should_ consider moving eventually."

"I'm thinking about it," grumbled Knuckles.


	12. Battles in the Belfry

**Woo, a dozen of these already! I wanted to say thank you to everyone who's been reviewing, following, or faving! Domo arigato for all the support! I'll try to keep you laughing. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

"Come _on_, you slowpokes!" shouted Sonic from farther up the winding staircase.

"Easy—for—you to—say!" gasped Knuckles, leaning against the wall and hauling in great mouthfuls of air. "You're built for this whole running thing, so stairs are no problem for _you!_"

They were chasing one of Eggman's robots up to the top of a belltower in Soleanna. They had no idea what the robot was planning to do up there, but it couldn't be good. Sonic was reluctant to barge into battle in an enclosed space without his friends for backup, but waiting for them to make it up the staircase was grating on the hedgehog's nerves. Tails, who had long since given up climbing in the conventional way, was buzzing his tail-rotor wearily.

"How much farther to the top, Sonic?" he pleaded.

"Only a couple hundred steps, I guess!" Sonic called back, stamping with impatience. "Come on, come on! Who knows what that stupid Egg-bot is up to up there!"

"Stow it, hedgehog," growled Knuckles. "Or once we get to the top the first thing I'll do is throw _you_ out the window!"

Sonic scoffed and continued dancing around impatiently, but kept his mouth notably shut.

At last the three Mobians plunged into the belfry, two of them still panting wearily. The belfry was quite beautiful, really. Although the floor was rough wood, the arched windows let in a restrained, regal sort of light, illuminating cascades of dancing dust motes and casting a dim, ethereal glow into the corners of the room. Up above, in the murky recesses of the ceiling, hung a vast assortment of bells, all different sizes, their heavy iron curves ponderously silent.

All the appeal of the scene was lost on Team Sonic, however. They were throwing themselves at the Egg-bot stationed at one of the windows. The 'bot was evidently aiming its arm cannon at something down below—probably some Soleanna government official.

"Don't even think about it!" howled Sonic, as he and his teammates bore down viciously.

Even tired as Knuckles and Tails were, it took Team Sonic only about twenty seconds to reduce the robot to a pile of scrap. Dusting off his hands, Sonic stuck his head out the window and squinted at the ground far below.

"There's no panic going on down there—I think we got it in time," he said relievedly.

Tails' eyes suddenly went wide.

"Speaking of time!" he gulped. "I think it's six o'clock!"

"So?" asked Sonic.

Just then, there was a soft _swoosh!_ and a creak from overhead. Team Sonic looked up to find the largest bell in the tower slowly, ponderously swinging to the side.

"Ohhhh—"

GONG!

The sound was deafening; the vibrations alone were enough to send Team Sonic staggering.

GONG!

This time it threw them all to the floor.

GONG!

It really wasn't much use covering their ears, but they did it anyway. Pressing themselves to the floor, they felt it reverberating beneath them, tossing them about with every clang of the giant bell.

GONG!

GONG!

GONG!

The last echoes of the final ring quivered out into oblivion. By then Team Sonic was feeling pretty close to oblivion itself. Sonic sat up, still twitching slightly.

"Wellllll," he grinned shakily. "Good thing it was six o'clock and not something like mid—"

Suddenly the six o'clock chimes concert began.

"_Aghhh!_"

This really was quite enough. Helping each other across the trembling floor, Team Sonic dove for the trapdoor and half-ran, half-fell down the whole set of stairs. The tubular notes of "Für Elise" were still clanging far overhead when they tumbled out at the bottom of the tower, but the volume was quite tolerable by then.

Sonic sat up yet again, rubbing his head gingerly.

"Man," he groaned. "I never want to hear another bell!"

Tails gave him a startled look.

"Sonic? Did you say something? Your mouth is moving but I can't hear a thing!"

Sonic in turn jumped.

"Tails, what did you say? Your mouth is moving, but I can't hear you!"

"What are you saying?"

"Tails, don't talk, I can't hear you!"

"What did you say?"

"What?"

Knuckles, who was between them and could catch the gist of the conversation, covered his eyes in despair.

Luckily, their hearing returned fully within a few hours. They retained an extremely healthy respect for belltowers, however. Their friends never did understand why, every time a bell anywhere struck the hour, Team Sonic would yelp and scatter like pigeons in front of a bicycle.


	13. Midnight Mayhem

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

**Bringin' on the drama!**

* * *

It was the witching hour in Central City. The streets were eerily, blue-and-grayly quiet, since all the respectable people were at home and probably in bed. A streetlamp or two cast glimmering stripes of light onto the buildings nearby.

A soft rubbery padding sound reverberated down the street. A dark, cloaked figure was striding along the sidewalk, his head hunched over and covered by an ample hood. His face was obscured in the shadow of the fabric.

Silently the figure turned into an alley. Leaning coolly against a dumpster, he waited. Had anyone been present, they would have _felt_ a pair of keen, hard eyes sliding back and forth, surveying the alley in silent anticipation.

Soon another dark figure slipped into the alley, cloaked in an identical fashion. The only distinction was a bright red pin holding the cloak shut just below the hood.

The first figure rose and nodded silently in greeting. Tension was thick in the air. This was not a meeting between allies, merely one between potential provider and potential customer. They exchanged passwords in muffled tones and drew closer together.

"You know why I called you," murmured the first figure. "I wish to hire your services. The job requires the utmost efficiency and skill."

"Of course. That is my only modus operandi," replied red-pin.

"It must be impeccably done!" growled the first figure. "There must be _no_ way to trace it back to me. Not even the faintest shadow of suspicion thrown upon me. You must execute it so that it is clearly and undoubtedly an accident."

"You realize, with added security comes a higher price," red-pin's voice rasped softly, like silk sliding over a comb.

"Name it."

Red-pin leaned closer. The sum he murmured was so quietly spoken as to be all but unintelligible. The first figure only nodded tersely.

"Very well. You shall have your payment precisely one week after the successful assassination."

"We can discuss the matter further at your convenience," replied the assassin, a cold smile in his voice. "Now then, it is your turn. Who am I to compliment with my . . . somewhat unwelcome talents?"

His employer leaned forward in turn, murmuring the name of the unfortunate soul in question.

"Ah." The assassin dipped his head in understanding. "I believe I shall be able to accomplish that by the end of the week. You will be notified immediately once I succeed. Then we may further discuss monetary questions."

"Very well," agreed his new employer. "I have only one more question."

A tilt of the assassin's head, inviting the query. Suddenly the employer snatched violently at the hood of the assassin's cloak, dragging his head down.

"Who are you?!" he barked.

Struggling, the assassin pulled back a fist and drove it into the other figure's face. He was rewarded with the same in return.

A furious brawl began in the alley. Trash cans scattered and clanged against walls, as the two figures struggled to overpower or unmask each other. After two or three minutes of vicious combat, both cloaks suddenly ripped off, revealing the ones wearing them.

The assassin was Espio the Chameleon. His employer was Shadow the Hedgehog.

"Espio!" barked Shadow, taking a step back in shock. "You?! I thought you eschewed the violent aspects of the ninja lifestyle, and all this time you've been a—a hired assassin?!"

"There are worse things I could be," replied Espio, fixing his cold gaze on Shadow. "I could be the one _hiring_ the assassin."

"I wasn't hiring you!" snarled Shadow, his eyes blazing. "I was working for G.U.N.! They had heard that somebody was acting as a hired hit man in Central City, and they sent me undercover to trap him! I didn't think he would be _you_."

Still growling, he pulled out his G.U.N. ID card and held it out as proof. Espio merely flicked his glance at it for the briefest instant. Then he wordlessly pulled out a G.U.N. card of his own.

"I also work for G.U.N.," he said flatly. "I was recently employed as a kind of night job, since the detective business doesn't pay so well. They hired me to pose as a hit man, to trap people who tried to hire me."

Shadow glared at him, fury merging into bewilderment underneath his knitted brows.

"G.U.N. sent a fake hit-man-hirer . . . to catch a fake hit man?" he growled.

"It would be less unusual if we were not both agents of the same organization," replied Espio grimly. "I think they would have realized the situation."

Fury was beginning to return to Shadow's face. His jaw tightened.

"Espio. We've been had."

"What do you mean? By whom?"

There was a sudden peal of laughter from overhead. Shadow whirled, fire roaring in his eyes.

"_Rouge!_ Rouge, you—"

"No, no, congratulations, boys," called Rouge from her perch on a nearby building. She applauded with only minimal sarcasm. "You passed the test with flying colors!"

A Chaos Spear slammed into the brick just by her ankle, but her only response was to fall into a fresh bout of amusement and tumble right off the building. She caught herself easily in midair and leaned one hand against the wall.

"Take it easy, you two. It was a completely legitimate G.U.N. test! Can a girl help it if she wants to come see the show?"

Espio stood helplessly beside Shadow, clearly furious, but unable to do anything productive about it.

"What do you mean, a legitimate test?" he demanded.

"Well, G.U.N. hired you a month ago, but you didn't get any clients yet. I noticed that on your G.U.N. profile, so I suggested a test to see how you did in action. Figured I might as well give Shadow a bit of an exam too. They thought it was a great idea." Grinning, she folded her wings and fell lightly to her feet near the two boys. "And I'd say you both did splendidly."

"Why is it," asked Shadow through his teeth, "That you get access to the profile of every agent in G.U.N., and they don't even let me see my _own_ profile?"

"I'm a spy unit, remember? They expect me to know these things," smirked Rouge. "Besides, you probably don't even _want_ to know the kind of things you have on your profile."

"What are you—"

"Ah! Classified." Rouge chuckled. "See you later, boys!"

A clattering of wings, and she was gone. Shadow drew a deep breath, let it out, then glanced at Espio.

"So. Are you _sure_ you're only a fake assassin?"

Espio gave him an equally narrow-eyed glance.

"Don't tempt me."


	14. The Hedgie Who Cried Wolf

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

The night was mild, gloriously pine-scented and silent. Sonic was sitting on the lawn outside, peacefully drinking in the sounds and sights of the nocturnal world. Suddenly there was the sound of running feet.

"SONIC!" squealed Amy, her attack hurling Sonic backwards into the grass. "Hi!"

Sonic winced; he still hadn't recovered all of his living daylights after the last time Amy had squeezed them out of him.

"Ooh, this is romantic!" said Amy blissfully, settling down next to him with her arms still wrapped tightly around his chest. "We can sit and look at the moon together!"

"I, uh, was just heading to bed," attempted Sonic.

"Aww, you can stay up a little longer!" protested Amy. "I wanna sit with you a while."

"Uh . . . well, I dunno if that's a good idea . . . " Sonic pawed for an excuse, then was struck by a happy thought. " 'Cos it's a full moon tonight! See it rising over there? When it rises, I might turn into my werehog form again!"

"Oh, come on. That was only when the old planet was all broken and stuff," scoffed Amy.

"No no, sometimes the effects linger," said Sonic desperately. "I mean, I think I'm already starting to feel a little weird . . . I feel sorta . . . tingly . . . and I wanna howl . . . "

He tilted back his head and gave a drawn-out _AWWOOOOOOOOO!_, hoping it would convince Amy.

It didn't. She merely put her hands on her hips.

"Seriously, Sonic? One, werehogs don't howl, they roar. Two, I'm not scared of your werehog form. I like it, it's all fluffy and soft!"

"Ugh," groaned Sonic, his ears flopping against his head. He did not appreciate the notion of being fluffy.

"And third, what kind of a lousy howl was that? That wouldn't fool a—"

Suddenly, from the distance there came an quivering cry of _Woo-woo, awooooooooo!_

Sonic and Amy both gasped.

"Was that a . . . wolf?" whispered Amy in amazement. Wild wolves were rare on Mobius, and pretty much unheard-of where Sonic and his friends lived.

"It could just be a coyote," admitted Sonic. "But it did sound pretty cool! Come on, maybe it'll answer us again!"

He cupped his hands around his mouth and howled again, and Amy joined him. A stripe of golden light fell on the lawn as Tails poked his head out the front door.

"What the heck are you guys—"

"There's a wolf out there, Tails!" said Sonic excitedly.

"Really?"

Sure enough, soon there came _three_ answering howls, all in a chorus. Giddy with excitement, Sonic, Amy, and Tails kept howling back and forth with the wolves. Soon Silver and Blaze came over to see what all the noise was about, and started helping out too. The answering howls echoed thinly through the air, twining in and out with each other, indicating the growing number of distant wolves as the pack gathered. It was quite a magical night.

The next morning, a sleepy but very excited Tails went running to find his playmates.

"Guys, guys, I've got the coolest news!" he called.

"Me too! Mine is even cooler!" sang Charmy.

Tails folded his arms, smirking dubiously.

"Well, okay. You go first then, Charmy."

"Last night, the boss and Espio and I were out solving a case," said Charmy eagerly. "We had to go hunting in the woods, so we brought Knuckles with us, 'cos he's really good with forests." Charmy giggled. "But he really hates it when I call him the King of the Jungle. Anyway, we had finished the case, and we were all going home, when suddenly, you know what we heard? _A wolf!_ Right out of nowhere! And I howled back, even though Espio said a wolf wouldn't answer like that. But it _did!_ Actually, _two_ wolves answered! And so then we all started howling, and Cream heard us and came to help, didn't you Cream?"

"Yes!" smiled Cream, her eyes sparkling. "It was so beautiful, Tails! It kept going and going, back and forth . . . I wish you had been there." She sighed, then perked up. "So, what was your big news, Tails?"

"Uhhhhh . . . " Tails gulped. "N—nothing. Never mind."


	15. Don't Make Me Use My Scientist Voice!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Tails was usually a polite, mild-mannered, intellectual little fox. He was adept at battle, especially from an airplane, but he vastly preferred the oil-soaked drama of a freshly disassembled engine in a quiet, tool-cluttered workshop.

All the same, every now and then the little fox did things that even Sonic considered outright crazy. Say, insulting Shadow. _That_ was ground that even Sonic trod carefully. Sure, he teased his red-and-black rival relentlessly, but he took care to stay on the right side of a certain invisible line. Tails, to continue with the metaphor, would stroll across that line and deliberately step on Shadow's toes.

And for good measure, survive.

One time Sonic and Shadow were in the middle of one of their usual arguments, having tied in a race yet again. Their respective teammates were lounging about nearby, listening with varying degrees of disinterest.

"Will you quit pulling out the dumb 'Ultimate Life Form' line every single time?!" Sonic was protesting. "It gets old!"

"Can I help it if it's true?" Shadow growled in reply.

"It's not true," Tails suddenly put in his two cents. Sonic jumped and gave his younger brother a warning look; Rouge also sat up and waved her hands in a "don't-go-there" manner. Even Knuckles and Omega winced. Shadow, however, didn't bat an eyelash.

"You'd better have a pretty good argument for that, fox cub," he remarked, folding his arms.

"Biologically speaking," said Tails, "there are three requirements for a creature to _theoretically_ be the perfect life-form." He grinned smugly. "You meet only two, at the most."

"Oh? Continue."

"First of all," Tails began, "the perfect life-form would be immune to aging and disease—live forever, if undisturbed. You do meet _that_ requirement."

"I'm glad you think so," said Shadow drily. Sonic stepped closer to Tails protectively, worrying that Shadow was lulling them into a false sense of security. Tails, however, was outright audacious. He was clearly having fun with this.

"The second requirement is that the creature would have to be born an adult! That's true for you too, isn't it?"

"Yes, I never really underwent any physical development," agreed Shadow. "And mental development was, if I recall, very rapid. A matter of two or three months."

"See, there's a kink already!" said Tails. "That's two or three months of being biologically useless there!"

Okay, Tails really should have gotten a Chaos Spear in the nose by now. Shadow, however, seemed to actually be somewhat amused by the youngster's attack. He surveyed Tails with a slight smirk.

"Bold words, considering you've got eight _years_ of biological uselessness under your own belt. And more coming, too."

"I don't deny it," laughed Tails. "But I'm not the one claiming he's the Ultimate."

"Hmph. Well then, what's the third requirement?"

"Well, that's the kicker. The perfect life-form would have to constantly produce large numbers of high-quality _offspring_." Tails put his fists on his hips proudly. "Got you there, haven't I?"

Shadow chuckled quietly.

"No."

"What?! Don't tell me you're a dad!"

Shadow shook his head, smirking.

"Did the rules say it had to be the _traditional_ kind of offspring?"

"No, but I don't see what . . . you . . . " Tails's eyes went wide. "Ohhh—the Shadow clones at Eggman's base!"

"And the androids," agreed Shadow. "Large numbers, perfectly decent quality. I'm afraid you just proved scientifically that I _am_ the Ultimate."

"And he rrrrrrreally needed the encouragement," muttered Rouge, rolling her eyes.

Meanwhile, Tails considered the facts again, then laughed sheepishly and extended a hand to shake.

"Well, I guess you win then, Shadow. You were right and I was wrong. Sorry about that."

"On the contrary, it was very interesting," replied Shadow, shaking the little fox's hand with perfect gravity. "And you've proved that I apparently wasn't the Ultimate Life Form _until_ I got cloned. Very thought-provoking, fox cub."

"Any time," smiled Tails. Sonic, deciding to get while the getting was good, hastily arranged Team Sonic's goodbyes and hustled Tails and Knuckles off. Once they were gone, Shadow flopped back against a tree trunk, his eyes distant.

"Feeling merciful today, eh?" remarked Rouge. Shadow shrugged.

"Ah, the fox cub is all right. He's certainly much more tolerable than that unspeakable hedgehog he hangs around with, and the idea was interesting. I never thought I'd be grateful for all those android knockoffs, but I suppose I should be." He yawned and tucked his hands behind his head. "Next thing, the kid'll be telling me Black Doom wasn't my father."

"About that!" came Tails' voice suddenly. Shadow opened his eyes to find Tails had come dashing back.

"Black Doom actually wasn't your father!" piped the little fox boldly.

"Now you're taking it too far," grunted Shadow. "Black Doom provided the DNA that was the basis of my entire existence. Every other bit of DNA within me is a mere add-on."

"Exactly!" said Tails cheerfully. "So technically speaking, Black Doom was your _mom._"

Shadow sat and blinked at Tails for a long moment, a strange expression on his face.

"Fox cub," he said at last. "Get out of here, and get out of here now."

Tails, sensing the jig was up, took off with a will. Shadow continued to stare after him, his face still unreadable. At length he leaned back again and ran a hand slowly through his quills.

"Good grief," he muttered. "My _mother_."

Rouge wouldn't have bet money on it, but she got the strangest feeling that Shadow was trying not to laugh.


	16. Cream Interviews

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

**And this will contain spoilers for Sonic '06.**

* * *

"Is it recording?" asked a familiar voice, as a very blurry film of a small rabbit slowly came into focus. "Oh! The little red light is on, so I guess it's working. It's not too heavy, Cheese?"

"Chao, chao!" squeaked another voice right by the camera. A tiny blue chao hand briefly fumbled over the camera's lens, then disappeared again.

"Okay," smiled Cream. "Let's go!"

Clearing her throat, she held up a little reporter-style microphone.

"Hi everyone! This is Cream the Rabbit, on-set at the filming of _Sonic the Hedgehog_, also known as Sonic '06 or Sonic NextGen. I'm not in this game, so that means I have time to do interviews of the cast members instead! Today's hot topic: How do the cast members feel about working with Mephiles the Dark? Let's find out!"

As Cream finished, there came the clattery sound of the camera being handled. The picture shook slightly, then there came a sudden annoyed "Chao, chao-chao?!"

"The red button," giggled Cream, and the picture fizzled out.

When it returned, Sonic the Hedgehog was blinking curiously into the camera.

"So, Mr. Sonic," asked Cream. "How does it feel to work with Mephiles?"

"Who, him?" Sonic scratched behind his ear thoughtfully. "Eh, I guess he's all right. I mean, he's supposed to put an energy spear through my back on-camera, and it kinda gets old how he keeps trying to do it off-camera as well, but—okay guy, otherwise." His nose twitched suddenly. "Say, do you smell chili dogs?"

"Uh . . . " said Cream blankly.

The picture changed again. This time, Tails was in the spotlight. He looked more than a little uncomfortable.

"Mephiles?" He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Well, I . . . don't actually get a lot of scenes with him, and we don't see each other much off-set. Which is okay by me. I mean—I, uhhhh . . . just don't know if he'd really be that interesting to hang out with, and, uh . . . "

"_And_ he scares you stiff," remarked Knuckles, suddenly appearing in the shot.

"I AM NOT SCARED!" hollered Tails, his cheeks reddening.

"Aw, come on." Sonic suddenly appeared in the shot as well, munching a chili dog. "You don't have to worry, li'l bro. You know I wouldn't let him hurt you!"

"Soniiiiic! Not _now!_" protested Tails, his muzzle growing even redder.

"Huh?" Sonic looked blank for a second, then caught on. "Ohhh, you mean not in front of Cream!" He winked knowingly. "Got it. I'll be quiet and let you make a good impression."

"Ughhhhhh." Tails dragged a hand down his forehead. "Sonic. Cream. Right here. _Now._"

"Um . . . " Cream searched for a quick escape. "Oh, Mr. Knuckles! How do you like working with Mephiles?"

"Eh." The echidna waved one mittened hand. "I ignore him, he ignores me. It's good that way." He glanced in Tails' direction. "Well, squirt? You gonna ask her out, or not?"

"KNUCKLES!" hollered a by now thoroughly dismayed Tails. Cream took her leave quickly.

Silver got interviewed next.

"Yeah, Mephiles and I have a deal worked out," he explained. "I don't draw in a mouth for him with a Sharpie, and he doesn't kill me." He blinked earnestly. "Believe me, if someone's gonna be the first to break that agreement, it _won't_ be me!"

Next, Cream tried Blaze.

"I believe there is a saying in your dimension," said Blaze coolly. " 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'."

She folded her arms. There was some silence.

"Yes, and . . . ?" Cream prompted. Blaze swished her tail.

" . . . "

"Miss Blaze?"

" . . . "

"Oh," said Cream at last. "I get it."

Against her better instincts, she timidly went to interview Team Dark. Rouge frightened the little rabbit least out of the three, so she was first candidate.

"Mephiles, huh?" she began, but was interrupted by a sudden crash from off-camera.

"MEPHILES? WHERE?! DESTROY!" bellowed Omega's voice. He, at least, would not have to be asked his opinion on that particular cast member.

Rouge regarded the off-camera commotion wearily.

"You want some help there?"

"I've got him," called Shadow's voice.

"ANNIHILATE!"

"Almost."

There followed some metallic clanging and annoyed scuffling.

"Uh . . . I'm sorry about the trouble?" ventured Cream timidly. Shaking her head resignedly, Rouge turned back to the camera.

"Ah, don't mention it, kid. But yeah. Call me unorginal, but I don't really lose much love for Mephiles either. Creepy guy."

"Mr. Shadow?" asked Cream, turning the camera slightly. Shadow, still brandishing a wrench, shrugged indifferently.

"I don't know. Technically, I suppose he deserves a fair measure of respect. After all, he _is_ the only person who actually succeeded in putting the Faker's lights out, even temporarily. Somehow still doesn't stop me from hating his guts, though." He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Granted, one thing puzzles me. That Scourge weirdo from the comics is a villain, and he gets a ton of fangirls. I'm kind of surprised Mephiles doesn't seem to get any. Can't deny the sucker's good-looking enough to merit a few."

"Say _what?_" Rouge gave her teammate a strange look. "Where in the world did _that_ come fro . . . _Oh._" She slapped her forehead. "Oh, for _crying out loud._"

"Did I say something?" asked Shadow innocently.

By now thoroughly discombobulated, Cream went to interview the last cast member, Amy Rose.

"Are you kidding me?!" yelped Amy, flourishing her hammer furiously. "That jerk killed my Sonic, and you're _asking_ how I feel about him? Why, if I had any say in the matter, I'd—"

"Please calm down, Miss Amy!" squealed Cream anxiously. "I just wanted to make sure I had interviewed everyone, that's all!"

"Oh? You missed one," said a voice behind her. With a frightened squeak, Cream whirled—to find Mephiles himself towering over her.

"Not interviewing me?" chuckled Mephiles evilly.

"Leave her alone, you jerk!" barked Amy, raising her hammer. Mephiles scoffed and charged up a ball of dark energy in one hand, glaring menacingly from one Mobian to the other.

"Leave them alone, Mephiles," growled a quiet voice nearby. Mephiles turned to find Tails, grimly brandishing a plastic bottle.

"Don't you _ever_ attack my friends," hissed Tails. "_Especially_ not Cream."

"And what are you going to do about it?" asked Mephiles, an evil smirk in his voice—though not on his muzzle, obviously.

"You see this bottle?" Tails swished the clear liquid inside. "This is dihydrogen monoxide. The stuff has killed thousands of people throughout history. It can dissolve hundreds and hundreds of different substances. And if you make one _move_ towards Cream or Amy, I'll dump it on your head. Now go ahead. Make my day, why don't you?"

Mephiles stood a while, surveying the snarling little fox. He seemed to be considering his options. Several of the other cast members popped up in various locales, ready to provide support if Tails needed it. The situation was beginning to weigh against Mephiles' favor . . . at last, with an uneasy glance at the menacing liquid in the bottle, he stepped back.

"Later, fox child . . . later."

"Any time," retorted Tails, his voice cold as he watched Mephiles drifting away.

"You were wonderful!" Cream threw her arms around Tails. "That was amazing!"

"Uh . . . th-thanks," Tails stammered, blushing. "It was nothing, really."

"Now would definitely be a good time to ask her out," advised Knuckles. Tails turned bright red again.

"Aw, leave him alone, Knucklehead." Sonic elbowed the echidna good-naturedly, then turned to Tails. "Say, about that stuff you were going to throw at Mephiles. Would you really have gone through with it if he tried anything?"

"Sure," said Tails. "But luckily I didn't have to. It wouldn't have done much good at that point."

Opening the top of the bottle, he swigged down the contents, much to everyone else's consternation. Swiping the back of his hand over his mouth, the little fox grinned.

"Dihydrogen monoxide is the scientific name for water."

* * *

**A/N: Woo, Tails gets to be awesome again! :P I have to say, it was fun writing up the interview sequence. I might do another "Cream Interviews," if I can just come up with something for her to be asking everyone . . .**


	17. Hey Sonic, Enjoy Your Future!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

**And no, I'm not making this stuff up. It's all there in Archie Comics. Sheesh . . . the comics have their own charm (Omega gets all the BEST lines!), but that "30 Years Later" arc they did . . . heck naw.**

* * *

"You mark my words, Faker," said Shadow grimly. "In thirty years, this meadow will be a chemical plant."

It was a warm, breezy day on Mobius, and Sonic, Amy, Silver, Rouge, and Shadow were enjoying the sunshine in a picturesque field near Amy's house. Amy had brought along some paper cups and a thermos of lemonade, and things had been quite heavenly for a while there. So obviously, Shadow had felt the need to bring on the gloom.

"Ah, don't be so pessimistic, Shads," said Sonic lazily. "Maybe in thirty years, people will have realized how important places like this are. It might be preserved instead!"

"You're both wrong," interjected Silver. "I'm pretty sure this place is going to be made into a big farm."

"Oh? And what makes _you_ the authority?" asked Shadow drily.

"Don't forget, I'm a time traveler," said Silver. "I actually did visit the time period thirty years after this one, once."

"And you never told us?!" cried Sonic, sitting bolt upright. "What's it like?! What's gonna happen?"

The others also looked at Silver with interest, waiting for a view into the years to come. Silver shifted uncomfortably.

"I can't tell you. I'll create a time paradox!"

"Silv, you're from the future. You're probably creating ten paradoxes just by sitting there," retorted Sonic. "Now come on, tell us!"

Shaking his head unhappily, Silver tossed his empty lemonade cup into the air and spun it end-over-end with his psychokinesis.

"You probably won't like it very much . . . " he ventured.

"Ohh, _big_ surprise there," Shadow growled. "Now spit it out, before I force the matter."

Tossing the paper cup aside, Silver sighed.

"All right, fine. Here goes."

He took a deep breath and began to rattle off the course of events.

"Okay, so less than thirty years from now, Sonic's gonna go missing—lost in space, I think. Meanwhile, Shadow's gonna finally go well and truly bejeebers"—he twirled his fingers and crossed his eyes for effect—"and take over all Mobius and the government and make himself king and be really mean, only he marries a random squirrel who improves matters a bit.

"But then Sonic's gonna come back, and lock Shadow up in, like, some kinda suspended animation in the basement, and Sonic'll become king, and marry the random squirrel, and that'll go _much_ better, and they'll have two kids called Manic and Sonia. And Tails is gonna marry a mongoose, and they'll have two kids too, and one of 'em will have super-speed, which is funny 'cos neither of her parents had it, but okay. And at the point where I came in, Shadow's just escaped and offed some random echidna and released Tikhaos, which is Tikal and Chaos together, by the way."

Scratching his head in recollection, Silver continued.

"But anyway, we defeat it, and the castle falls on Shadow. And oh yeah, Knuckles found the rest of his clan was still around after all, and he marries a random echidna—uh, not the one that Shadow offed—and they have a little girl, and Knux gets a bionic eye that gives him super night-vision. And there are tons and tons of bionic or half-robot echidnas"—he waved his arms for emphasis—"just _all over_ the place, including some ancient ancestor who's nothing more than a mechanical head in a floating glass ball!"

Silver finished, sat back, and folded his arms resignedly.

"So yeah, that's all I know about it."

The silence was broken by Shadow slapping his forehead.

"What's in this lemonade?" asked Rouge, eyeing her paper cup uneasily.

All the same, that evening, Sonic pulled Tails aside.

"Tails buddy, listen," he said, putting his hands on the little fox's shoulders. "You know I don't usually tell you what to do. But could you please just promise me one thing?"

"Sure, Sonic," said Tails, looking anxiously up at his older brother. "What is it?"

"Promise me, Tails," said Sonic earnestly. "Whatever you do, don't _ever_ marry a mongoose."

"Uhh . . . " Tails looked up at him blankly. "Oh . . . kay?"

* * *

**A/N: All righty, I think it's high time I answered the guest reviews, since I can't thank you guys via PM. ^_^**

**Guest: Ummmm . . . well, it seems there are at least two of you, or perhaps even three of you. I feel like I'm faced with triplets. :P But thank you both (all?) for your very kind reviews! And to the latest Guest, I'm glad Shadow didn't seem too OOC. Being in-character while trying to be funny ain't easy. :)**

**Bearvalley3365: Thanks for your continued reviews! In response to your latest question, sorry, nope, no OC's or FC's here. Unfortunately, I have a rather persnickety cast I'm working with. Mephiles seems to be sensitive about his recolor status, and has vowed he will rule supreme among OC's. That seems to entail clobbering any OC that shows his/her face around here; we could barely even convince him that Maria was canon. Shadow's very persuasive on that subject, though. :P But otherwise, yeah. It's kinda dangerous for OC's on this set, so until we can convince Mephiles to leave, nobody but canon. **

**And of course, an extra thank-you to all the registered reviewers too! I'm really overwhelmed by all the support this little mishmash is getting. Domo arigato!**


	18. Altered Reality

**A/N: Whoops, again answering guest reviews!**

**Guest: Thanks for the review! And ditto. I don't much go for the cruel psychos either, especially when they're presented in a comic all graphic-like. Generally I don't reference the comics at all, except when joking about them.**

**Oh, and Sonic doesn't have anything against mongooses! He was just scared that if Tails married a mongoose, all the other horrible prophecies would come true too. XD**

**bearvalley3365: Read the note in the last chapter, please. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or any of the other fol-de-rol being referenced here!**

* * *

As robots went, Omega was pretty smart, but his sense of humor was debatable. He had a basic understanding of what organics tended to find funny, but he certainly never joked around himself.

Although on this particular day, Shadow and Rouge were starting to wonder if he wasn't messing with their heads.

"Say that again?" said Rouge incredulously, turning to give Omega a strange look.

"What causes organics to spontaneously combust?" repeated Omega patiently.

"Uh . . . why don't you ask Blaze?"

"I am not referring to pyrokinesis. I am referring to the female who stands on the building and spontaneously generates bursts of sparks. There seem to be many of her kind, but she appears to be more flammable than the other organics."

"Exactly . . . where did you see this lady?" asked Rouge, wondering if Omega had somehow snuck out to a circus when he was off-duty.

"I do not know," said Omega, sounding vaguely puzzled. "The data origin is not filed in my memory banks. However, I assuredly do have data on the spontaneously combusting female. The lack of explanation for her condition puzzles me."

"Don't know where it came from, hm?" said Shadow. "Perhaps you dreamed it. Dreams often don't make sense."

"That is a possibility," admitted Omega, and let the matter rest.

The situation soon escalated, however. While they were out on a mission, they ran into some rival agents and scrapped with them briefly. When the scuffle was over, Omega suddenly asked why there were no pigeons.

" . . . pigeons?" said Shadow.

"Affirmative. Is it not standard for organics to expel pigeons when they are struck?"

Shadow and Rouge exchanged glances.

"No," said Shadow with conviction.

"You must be thinking of robots," said Rouge. "Like how Flickies sometimes fly out of them when they're destroyed?"

"I am most certainly referring to organics," insisted Omega. "If it is not standard, under what conditions do pigeons tend to fly out of organics when you hit them?"

"No conditions that I know of," said Rouge.

And it went on and on. All night Omega kept saying random things. He mentioned a boy playing a flute in a tree, a lady who jumped around on a mattress, a guy whose skin could change to a colorful checkerboard pattern, and a boys' choir with glowing white eyes and the power of flight. He also wanted to know if it was legal to fight stuffed animals, whether blue humanoid aliens really existed, where you could find a restaurant table in the middle of a field, whether you were allowed to dance on top of the freezer cases in the grocery store, and if it was a good idea to get tattooed by a clown when a children's birthday party wanted to attack you.

Mostly, though, he was just _really_ hung up on that spontaneously combusting lady and the pigeons that flew out of people when you hit them. As the night progressed, poor Omega became more and more confused about all the things he kept saying—but that was nothing compared to how confused his teammates were getting. At length Rouge pulled Shadow aside.

"You think he should get scanned for viruses?" she asked, motioning back to where Omega was muttering something about creepy people with metallic cows' heads.

"It's not a virus," replied Shadow grimly. "Omega's systems are pretty tight. If there was invasive code present, he'd have given some kind of security warning by now."

"But don't tell me he's normal!"

"No, he's not. It can't be good, though. Damage that extensive without a warning means that his _own_ programming is corrupted. Judging by the way he's blathering on, it might be some kind of coding mutation deep in his rootkits."

"You mean he's . . . lost it?" asked Rouge anxiously.

"This is Omega. I'm not sure if he ever _had_ it. But yes, I guess you could call it a loss of sanity."

Rouge folded her arms and buried herself in thought for a minute.

"Guess we've got no choice but to check his code manually."

Shadow nodded reluctantly.

"Hey Omega," called Rouge, fluttering towards the robot. "Come on, we're going back to HQ."

"To ask about the pigeons?" said Omega hopefully.

"No, big guy. Not about the pigeons. Shadow and I are going to check your coding to see if anything's wrong with it."

Omega took a step back.

"I know, you don't like anyone messing with your programming," sighed Rouge. "But I promise we'll only look at your coding, not alter it in any way! It'll be like a Mobian getting an EKG—just a harmless and non-invasive scan."

"And if you do find anything amiss?" asked Omega.

"Then we'll let _you_ repair it," said Shadow. "Or we can try fixing it ourselves, if you want."

Omega gritted his gears unhappily, considering the matter.

"You guarantee there will be no alteration to my coding without my permission?"

"None," promised Rouge. She crossed her heart solemnly and held out a hand. Omega hesitated a minute, then awkwardly gathered his long metallic fingers together to shake in agreement.

They headed down to HQ and commandeered a spare computer—one of those huge ones built into the wall, with tons of buttons and control panels. Shadow opened Omega's back panel and began connecting him to the computer with a multitude of wires. Omega growled under his non-existent breath at a passing IT person.

"Don't worry, we won't let them get their hands on you," promised Rouge.

"I am not unnerved. She merely reminded me of the spontaneously combusting female."

"Good grief," muttered Rouge, laying her head in her hands. "I sure _hope_ we find out what's wrong with him. If I hear about that self-combusting lady one more time, I swear _I'll_ burst into flames!"

"Okay, that should do it," said Shadow, tugging at the final wire. "Shut down, Omega."

With a final anxious flicker of his eyes, Omega powered down into sleep mode. Rouge began to type things into the control panel, and mountains of green computer code began to scroll up the computer's black screen. She squinted at the gibberish and typed some more. Reading the new list of code, she jumped.

"Shadow," she called. "Come look at this."

Shadow stepped over and looked, then glanced at Rouge in disbelief.

"That's Omega's coding? You're sure?"

"Positive," said Rouge. "This is from that G.U.N. update he had yesterday. It went straight to his general knowledge banks—no wonder the poor guy was totally knocked out of reality!"

She flew over to Omega and rapped on his hull.

"Wake up, big guy."

Omega blinked awake and regarded her uneasily.

"Did you find out about the pigeons?"

"You could say that," sighed Rouge. "Good news! It's an easy fix. Just delete the data from your latest update, and you should be fine."

"Commencing deletion," said Omega, and powered down again. A small green light flashed from the panel on his back, showing that his processors were at work. Rouge surveyed the sleeping robot and shook her head.

"Now I've seen everything," she sighed.

"Some wise guy has a lousy idea of what makes a good update," muttered Shadow, starting to unfasten the computer wires. "That was a complete waste of our time."

"I'm just glad it was an easy repair," said Rouge. "Whose bright idea was it to upload him full of music videos, anyway?"

"I don't know," Shadow growled. "But when I find him, I swear, I will knock the _pigeons_ out of him."


	19. Depends on Your Perspective

**In reply to bearvalley3365: Yup, that's what I meant. No OC's till I figure out how to kick Mephiles out of here. Which would be nice, actually, because he's sitting on my slippers right now, eating all my cookies. **

**Could somebody call a Mephiles-removal squad or something, please?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Team Sonic was plowing furiously through the jungle, looking for Eggman's newest secret base. Knuckles knew his way around that area of the forest, so he led the charge.

"Careful," he called, sliding to a halt. "Quicksand."

He pointed to a broad, flat expanse of what looked like sand.

"It'll take too long to go around," he explained. "Tails, you can fly if you want. Sonic, you and I can take the vine."

Grabbing a nearby dangling vine, he took a running start and sailed smoothly to the other side of the quicksand. As Tails whirred over to join him, Knuckles threw the vine back in Sonic's direction.

"Go on, swing across!" he called.

"How deep is that stuff?" asked Sonic uneasily.

"Only up to your ankles," said Knuckles.

"Oh, well in that case I'll just walk across!"

"No! Don't you—"

"Relax, Knucklehead, I don't mind a little sand in my—_glub_!" Sonic vanished under the surface of the quicksand. Tails gave a terrified yelp. Growling all kinds of things under his breath, Knuckles seized another vine and also plunged under the quicksand's surface.

Within five seconds the echidna had resurfaced, hauling a coughing Sonic with him. Tails helped drag them both up onto solid ground, and hovered anxiously by them as they struggled to resume breathing. Damp sand clung to their fur and crusted their shoes and gloves.

"I _told_ you not to walk across!" barked Knuckles as soon as he could speak.

"Dude," panted Sonic. "_That's_ your idea of ankle-deep?"

"It _is_ ankle-deep," growled Knuckles. "If you fall in head-first."


	20. Read It Like an Open Book

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Silver and Blaze had been out training with Sonic and Tails one day, when the area was suddenly hammered with a rainstorm. Since none of the party were particularly fond of getting wet, they all dove into the nearest house, which happened to be Blaze's. The rain drummed relentlessly against the roof, without any visible intention of slowing.

"So, whaddawedo?" asked Sonic glumly. "Do we keep training?"

"_Not_ in my house," said Blaze firmly. "I'll make us some hot chocolate. Why don't you all sit down and read something?"

The guys exchanged dubious glances, but began to poke through the books lying all over Blaze's house. Blaze was a voracious reader times four; there were books of all kinds crammed into shelves and stacked on tables, all over the place. It was like a constant battle between Blaze's tidy nature and her love of literature. The literature was winning.

Tails, of course, immediately found a scientific book on the finer points of pyrokinesis, and promptly buried himself in it until only his twin tails were showing. Silver riffled lazily through several different volumes, while Sonic picked up a dusty old book with "The Mind Reader" printed on the cover. Throwing himself down on the rug, he began to page through it.

It turned out to be a pretty good book, a sort of sci-fi thriller with a bit of deep stuff thrown in. Sonic was soon so engrossed in it that he barely noticed his hot chocolate. The others left him in peace, and Blaze picked up a book of her own.

Hours passed, and the rain didn't stop. Eventually Sonic chewed through the last pages of the book and closed it with satisfaction. He said nothing, but rolled over, his head still spinning with the story of a cult with wild powers, the people who could look right into your mind and see your most secret thoughts. It seemed so amazing, and yet the main character in the book had come to realize that it was also a painful curse.

_Huh,_ thought Sonic languidly._ So mind-reading isn't all it's cracked up to be. Still . . . it would sure be cool to be able to read minds. See what other people are thinking of you all the time . . ._

He sat up, as he realized one of his friends had peculiar powers of the mind himself—and did occasionally trigger unkind thoughts in people.

_Gee_, he thought, wincing as he recalled some of his private opinions. _I wonder if Silver can read minds._

Silver glanced up from a sci-fi book of his own.

"No," he said firmly.

"Oh," said Sonic, simultaneously relieved and disappointed.

It was only five seconds later that he registered a double-take.


	21. It's Pony Time! Part 1

**Guest review-answering time!**

**Guest: Haha! Thanks for the very vehement review! Actually, there's a backstory to Silver's answer. He'd read the book before, you see. He saw that Sonic was thinking about the book, and then that he was suddenly looking anxious, and so Silver**** figured out his train of thought. Being a bit of a scamp, he decided to mess with Sonic's head. Silly hedgehogs. XD**

**Bearvalley3365: Thanks for the reviews, but no thanks. I'm not gonna risk fighting with Mephiles, and I think he's moved in for good. He's got a little evil moving van and is unpacking all his little evil boxes. I think you may want to take your OC's somewhere safer . . . Sorry. :(**

* * *

**AND NOW . . . fair warning. **

**This chapter and the next one will contain many references to My Little Pony. I know it's annoying to read references you don't get, so if by some miracle you've never heard of My Little Pony, feel free to skip these two chapters if you want.**

**Also, I know some people out there really don't like My Little Pony. If that's you, you may want to skip these two chapters too. It'll just be annoying for you, and I'm not here to annoy anyone. **

**And lastly, if you are a Brony and really love ponies . . . yeah, you may also want to skip these. There will be pony references, but not necessarily positive ones. I am NOT by any means a pony hater. I'm a casual Brony myself; the show is average okay, and I really enjoy all the fan content on Bronyland. But there are some things about the show that just don't sit well . . . **

**Holy cow. I think I just established that these two chapters are going to please _no one._ This should be interesting. :S **

**Oh well. Into the teeth of the storm!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or My Little Pony!**

* * *

Sonic was out on one of his usual runs one day when he ran into Shadow.

"First to Green Hill!" he called, breezing past his rival.

"Not again, Faker," groaned Shadow, but he couldn't just stand still and let Sonic outdo him. The two hedgehogs tore across the landscape, most of the time neck-and-neck; Sonic reached the hill first by just a few meters.

"Faker," growled Shadow, catching his breath. "Next time you want to race, go find that stupid Rainbow Dash. I've got better things to be doing with my time."

"Aw, you wouldn't say that if you'd—" Sonic came up short. "Waaait, isn't Rainbow Dash one of those pony-whatsits from that cartoon?"

"Yeah, a pony-whatsit," said Shadow drily. Sonic burst out laughing.

"Wait, seriously?! You're one of those Bronies?"

"Pipe down, Faker, or I'll send Amy into permanent mourning," warned Shadow.

"Woah, woah," Sonic backed up, waving his hands and trying to get ahold of himself. "Take it easy! I've got nothing against Bronies; I know Silver's one, and I think Tails and Knux are about to join him. And Cream and Amy are big on the show too. No shame." He chuckled. "I just _really_ didn't think _you'd_ be the type to like it."

"I don't really follow the show," said Shadow indifferently. "I just read the fanfictions."

"Ohh, is that so," chuckled Sonic, and fell silent. Still, a few seconds later he again twitched with silent laughter and sang under his breath, "Sha-dow's a Bro-ny . . . "

"All right, Faker," said Shadow through his teeth. He shoved Sonic unceremoniously back onto a boulder. "Siddown, and let me tell you a couple of good pony stories."

"Oh, go right ahead," said Sonic, waving a hand amusedly. "This I gotta hear."

Shadow perched on a rock of his own, and proceeded to tell Sonic such a load of grimdark and horror fanfics that you could paper a room with them. He finished up with the infamous "Cupcakes," in which Pinkie Pie turns Rainbow Dash into the titular baked good. No, I haven't read it myself, and I certainly do _not_ advise anyone else to. Shadow knew how to tell a story concisely but still keep in all the horror; Sonic's eyes grew wider and wider as the narrative progressed.

"And then," concluded Shadow, "she decided she would have it stuffed. And that's all. There's others, but those were the best ones."

By now Sonic was looking at Shadow like he was all four horsemen of the Apocalypse.

"_That's_ My Little Pony?" he managed at last.

"That's a portion of its fanbase, yes," said Shadow. "Good, isn't it?"

"No."

"I like it," shrugged Shadow. "But I have to read them on non-G.U.N. computers. Rouge swears if Omega ever ran into one of those fanfics, he'd blow out his sentience circuits and revert to Flicky-power."

"I wouldn't be surprised," said Sonic, still a little dazed. "Dude, seriously? _That's_ My Little Pony?"

"The show itself is pretty innocent," shrugged Shadow. "After all, you said yourself that Cream watches it. And most of the fans are pretty normal as well. But naturally, when people see cute little colorful ponies, their first instinct is to have them mutilate each other."

"That's . . . that's just sick."

"Makes for good reading, though," smirked Shadow. "I always thought 'Cupcakes' was particularly interesting."

"Seriously?"

"Think about it," said Shadow. "There are a lot of character parallels. That Rainbow Dash pony is blue and speedy and has too much attitude, same as you. And the Pinkie Pie one is pink and cheerful and ditzy, like Amy. Silver tells me there was even an episode where Pinkie Pie chases Rainbow Dash around."

He raised his eyebrows at Sonic significantly. Sonic gulped.

"You . . . you don't mean . . . "

"You may be justified in running away from Amy," said Shadow solemnly. "If I were you, I wouldn't let her catch me alone."

"Good . . . grief . . . " said Sonic dizzily.

Suddenly, Amy herself came dashing in.

"Sonic!" she squealed, throwing herself at her favorite hedgehog.

"Gah," gulped Sonic, too unnerved even to struggle much. "Uh . . . hi, Amy."

"I'm so glad I found you!" said Amy happily. "I know you must be hungry after your morning run. You wanna help me make cupcakes?"

"HolycowNO!"

Sonic was gone even faster than usual.

"Awww, Soniiiiic!" Amy wailed after him. She stamped her foot in frustration. "Aw gee, he always used to like my cupcakes . . . "

Meanwhile, Shadow watched the proceedings with a quietly amused smirk. Amy sighed disconsolately and turned to leave, glancing thoughtfully in Shadow's direction.

"Don't look at me," snorted Shadow. "I'm not helping."

"Don't worry, I wasn't about to ask," retorted Amy. "I don't bake with bitter people. It ruins the flavor."

Shadow laid his ears back in silence as Amy trotted off.

"I'm . . . going to pretend I didn't hear that."


	22. It's Pony Time! Part 2

**A/N: Again, my apologies if anyone here is a big Rainbow Dash fan . . . you really may wanna skip this chapter . . . Sonic's got issues. I usually tolerate Dashie, but she doesn't hold a _candle_ to the Blue Blur in the moral sense, and I find it disturbing that she gets such a rabid following. If anyone wants to present a case in the pony's favor, or just disagree vehemently, feel free to PM me. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or My Little Pony!**

* * *

The whole My Little Pony phenomenon spread around Mobius pretty fast. Soon everyone in Sonic's circle of friends knew as much as they could possibly want to know about ponies—and in some cases, even more than they wanted. But of course, it couldn't be long before the conspiracy theories began.

"We've gotta sue!" announced Tails, striding into a diner where Team Dark was eating breakfast.

"Oh Tails, don't be so angry!" protested Cream gently, following him. "I'm sure it's all just a coincidence!"

"What's just a coincidence?" asked Rouge, her ears pricking up at the promise of gossip.

"We've gotta sue!" said Tails, plunking a huge portfolio down on the counter. "Look at this. This is a portfolio of evidence that the ponies are all parodies of _us!_" He began to pull pictures and character bios out of the folder willy-nilly. "Just look at this. Fluttershy is just Cream and Maria. Big Mac is Knuckles. Twilight Sparkle and Blaze could practically share a character profile!"

"You'd better not get too excited, fox cub," said Shadow drily. "Falsely suing someone will get _you_ sued for slander."

"I've got all the evidence!" protested Tails, waving handfuls of paper in the air. "We've gotta sue!"

"Nobody's copied me yet," remarked Shadow. "You'd think I'd be one of the first to get knocked off."

"And you were," said Tails, digging in the folder again. "Look."

He handed Shadow a picture of three sinister-looking winged ponies. They wore dark bodysuits, slanted goggles, and evil grins.

"These are from the second episode," said Tails. "They were tempting _Rainbow Dash_ to join the dark side. And look at their costumes!" He tapped the picture. "Look at that zigzag pattern on the front! It's _just_ like Shadow's chest-fluff!"

"That's stretching it," snorted Shadow. "Just because they're evil and have zigzags doesn't mean they're a knockoff of me."

"They're called the ShadowBolts."

Shadow looked at Tails, then at the picture again.

" . . . Yeah, we've gotta sue."

"What's up, what's up? Sue?" sang Sonic, bursting in through the door of the diner. He swung into a seat across the counter from Team Dark. "Who's Sue? Who ya suing?"

"Tails wants to sue My Little Pony for copying all of us," said Rouge cheerfully.

"Aww, come on Tails," chuckled Sonic, helping himself to some coffee. "They're not _that_ similar to us."

"You're very calm, Faker," remarked Shadow. "Considering how closely that Rainbow Dash rips you off."

Sonic choked mid-sip of coffee.

"_What_ did you say?" he demanded, giving Shadow a keen look.

"You're just like Rainbow Dash. Everyone compares you to her."

"I'm not anything like her!" protested Sonic. "Not a bit!"

"You're blue, she's blue."

"Well, okay. But that's _all._"

"There's a little orange pony who looks up to her. Familiar much?"

"Tails isn't orange!"

"But I used to be, when I was little," said Tails. "Remember?"

"Ehh." Sonic folded his arms. "That's a long shot."

"You're extra-fast, she's extra-fast," continued Shadow.

"Oh, come on," scoffed Sonic, waving one hand. "You call that _fast?_ Have you _seen_ how much she strains just to break the sound barrier?"

"A lot of people say she's faster than _you,_" said Shadow.

Sonic laughed outright.

"They say she breaks the _light_ barrier," added Rouge.

"Impossible!" sang Tails from the sidelines. "First of all, if you watch the effects in the video, it's clearly the sound barrier she's breaking. Not to mention if it were the light barrier, you wouldn't be able to see her at all. Not to mention time would stop around her. Not to mention she would need either infinite energy or zero mass. So yeah, she breaks the _sound_ barrier. Period."

"Oh, well pardon _me,_" said Rouge sarcastically, waving in Tails' direction. "The junior genius has spoken!"

Tails chuckled; he was learning to appreciate Team Dark's backhanded form of compliments.

"Whatever. Case closed," said Sonic, shrugging. "She creates a huge fuss just by breaking the sound barrier. I break the sound barrier for _breakfast_. Heck, they call me Sonic because I'm faster than sound!"

"Which leads into the other similarity," said Shadow drily. "Both of you have identical personalities."

"_What?!_" Sonic's quills stood up every which way in sudden fury. "We do _not!_ Take that back!"

"Identical," repeated Shadow.

"Take it _back!_"

"Identical. First of all, you both brag and show off too much."

"I do _not!_"

Shadow's eyelids slid halfway closed. Sonic subsided slightly.

"Okay, okay, so I guess I brag a _little_, sometimes," he admitted. "But you do too! And I'm not half as bad as her. I mean, all she can talk about is how awesome she is! At least when people tell me 'good luck', I don't reply that I won't need it."

"I still say you're just like her," said Shadow coolly.

"Dude." Sonic gritted his teeth. "You're starting to get on my nerves. Listen to me. This is going to kill you, but I _do_ occasionally save the world. Like, the whole world. And do you hear me bragging about it? Do you see me getting stuck up and acting better than everyone else?"

"Hmmm . . . " Shadow rolled his eyes in exaggerated thought.

"While this Rainbow Dash," growled Sonic, "has _never_ saved the world. She's never done anything _close_ to the stuff I've pulled off. She saves a couple of random civilians, and she gets so stuck-up even her best friends can't stand her! Not blowing my own horn or anything, but I save random civilians every day, and nobody even _knows_ about it except them!"

Shadow surveyed Sonic critically. The blue hedgehog was getting properly lathered up. His quills were bristling so that he was starting to resemble his werehog form, and he was glaring like a wet cat. Shadow's ears flicked out to the side slightly—as they usually did when he was being trollish.

"Jealous, huh?" he remarked.

"Jealous?!" Sonic nearly exploded. "You wanna talk jealous?! If anyone else gets the spotlight for even a second, that pony starts to throw a hissy fit! Do you see me doing that? Do you see me getting mad when someone else saves the world for a change? It's happened! Tails saved Station Square! Chris got a Chaos Emerald from Eggman! _You_ saved freakin' Earth! Twice! I gave everyone full credit every time! Heck, you got your very own video game, and did you see me throwing a tantrum?

"And furthermore!" Sonic thumped his fist on the counter with surprising vehemence. "That pony constantly makes fun of other ponies who are smart. Do you see me making fun of _anyone_ except the bad guys? Do you see me making fun of Tails for being smart? Good grief, way back when, I was the only one who _didn't_ make fun of him for being smart!"

Tails smiled fondly at the memory, but there wasn't much time for recollection. Sonic was on a roll.

"And _furthermore!_ That pony acts like a total jerk to anyone who's slower or weaker than her. Do you see me yelling at people who can't keep up with me? Do you see me treating people like dirt for being scared of something? Do you see me making a doormat out of anyone defenseless? For crying out loud, she screams at innocent butterflies!"

Shadow stifled a smirk; there was a sentence you didn't hear every day. Sonic rattled on obliviously.

"That pony leads defenseless animals into a canyon full of monsters, and _leaves them to get eaten!_ And she's always pushing around that Fluttershy pony! She doesn't even care if she makes her _cry_, if it makes herself look good! Do you see me being that cruel to Cream?" Sonic's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Do you see me being that cruel to _Maria?_"

"You're still alive, aren't you?" remarked Shadow. "So obviously, I haven't seen anything of the kind."

"And furthermore," snarled Sonic. "That pony _cheats._ She freakin' _cheats_ to win! And they're okay with it! Do. You. _EVER._ See me freakin' _cheating?!_ Do you see me being a bad sport?! Huh?!"

"Woah, Sonic!" broke in Tails soothingly. "Don't get so worked up about it!"

Sonic sat back and took a deep breath, massaging his temples.

"Sorry. I guess I kinda lost it there. It just _really_ ticks me off when people say I'm exactly like that pony."

"Hmph. So," said Shadow, leaning his elbows on the diner counter. "I guess you don't like being compared to her."

Abruptly Sonic stood up on his chair and placed his hands on the countertop. He leaned way over the counter and looked Shadow grimly in the eye.

"I do NOT like being compared to that pony," he said, slowly and deliberately.

"Ah," said Shadow, unruffled. He tilted his head in thought. "So I guess that means you're not dating her, either."

Sonic's eyes flew open wide.

"_Dating?!_"

"There's drawings of you and her all over the internet. Kissing."

_Clunk!_ Sonic slumped onto the counter in a dead faint.

"You know, that wasn't very nice of you," said Rouge.

"Can't help it," replied Shadow, smirking. "It's kind of nice annoying _him_ for a change."


	23. Truth or Dare

**A/N: This is going to be a reply to Bearvalley3365. Everyone else, just skip to the disclaimer, please.**

**Bearvalley3365: All right. I've been trying to break this to you as gently as possible for a while now. There's really nothing left to do but tell it to you plainly. No. Just _no._ I am not accepting OC's. I have never wanted to accept OC's, and I never will accept OC's. I just will not. If you see my name next to the story's title, that means the story will NOT accept other people's OC's. Ever. I'm not going to explain why. I'm not going to keep cluttering up author's notes replying to reviews that have nothing to do with the story. I hope you understand. And please, stop nagging everyone. The FanFiction website is not the place to push your OC's into people's faces. It is not polite to nag authors to use your characters unless they actually ASK for suggestions. I'm very sorry I have to break it to you this way, but this has got to stop. And I'm sorry for this too, but if you review about your OC's again, I will have to delete your review. My apologies.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or any of the songs referenced.**

* * *

"So remind me," said Amy, her brows knitted. "Why are we here?"

"That's a very deep question," said Knuckles. "One that has been asked throughout the ages, but never fully answered: why are we here? What is the meaning of life?"

"No, I mean, why are we _here?_"

"To play Truth or Dare!" called Sonic.

"_That's_ the meaning of life?" asked Knuckles incredulously.

"It's a lousy meaning of life," grumbled Shadow. "Goodbye."

"Get back here," called Rouge. "It's only for a few minutes. Reader request."

"What readers?" asked Charmy. "There's readers?!" He waved enthusiastically with both arms. "Cool! Hi readers! Look at me!"

"Ignore him," sighed Espio.

Teams Chaotix, Rose, Dark, and Sonic were gathered in a field, sitting in a circle. Maria was there too, as was the informal "Team Dimension": Silver, Blaze, and Marine. Sonic stood in the middle of the circle.

"Okay, let's get this party started. You all know the rules, right? You pick a person, the person picks truth or dare. Then you give them what they picked, and they can't refuse, or they're out."

"I refuse!" called several voices at once.

"Yeeeeah, no," sighed Sonic. "Come on guys, get with the spirit! This'll be fun!"

"Oh, I haven't had this much fun since the last time I was in the ER," muttered Shadow.

"Can I finish here?" asked Sonic wearily. "All right. So no refusals allowed. And once you complete the dare or tell the truth, you get to pick the next person. Got all that?"

"No," came the chorus.

"Hecklers," muttered Sonic resignedly. "I'll start, then. Hmmm . . . I pick Shadow!"

"Who immediately refuses," agreed Shadow.

"Who does _not_ refuse," growled Sonic firmly. "Truth or dare, Shads?"

"You choose."

"Fine then." Sonic folded his arms and surveyed Shadow thoughtfully for a minute. "I dare you to smile!"

"Strange sort of question," said Shadow. "It's not like I've never smiled before."

"It's rare enough. Let's see you try."

"No."

"You have to! No refusing!"

"But I am refusing. And what exactly are you going to do about it, Faker?"

"I'll play the Gummy Bear song!"

Shadow yawned deliberately. Sighing, Sonic took off into the distance. Ten seconds later he was back, carrying a radio.

"Hey, isn't that my radio?" asked Knuckles irately.

"Sure is!" said Sonic. "Let's see, does anyone here have the Gummy Bear song on an MP3 player?"

"Me!" sang Charmy.

"Figures," muttered Shadow.

Tails somehow hotwired the MP3 player to Knuckles' radio without damaging either, and Sonic set it for the Gummy Bear song. Shadow yawned again and eyed the radio with distaste. Several rounds of the Gummy Bear song later, he still hadn't cracked. He continued to scowl most grimly.

"Fine!" sighed Sonic at last, throwing up his hands in defeat. "You lose, you know that?"

"My intentions exactly," said Shadow. "Winning at a children's game is not an achievement I care to add to my list."

"Whatever," grumbled Sonic. "Just go. You're out."

"Thank you," said Shadow, smiling. He got to his feet and turned to leave, then glanced over his shoulder.

"By the way, if you're so smart, Faker, let's see _you_ moonwalk instead of running or walking for the rest of the day."

"I'll take you up on that!" grinned Sonic. "Do you mean the dance move, or the actual kind they do on the moon?"

"Oh, most definitely on the moon," said Shadow. "And maybe you could stay up there, while you're at it."

"You don't have to be on the moon to moonwalk," scoffed Sonic. "You just have to defy gravity a little!"

In the end he fetched a pair of modified roller skates with springs on the soles, and spent the rest of the day bouncing around erratically and as often as not landing on top of someone on the way down.

"So," he said, falling on a disgruntled Tails. "I get to pick again! Charmy?"

"Truth!" sang Charmy, kicking his heels against the ground cheerfully.

"Okay." Sonic tried to catch his balance, but instead somersaulted and fell on his head. He sat up, rubbing gingerly at the location of impact, then grinned at Charmy. "So, truth and whole truth: Who's your crush?"

"Crush?" asked Charmy, eyes wide. "You mean, like love?"

"Yup."

"Yuck! No way! Bleh! Nonono!" squalled Charmy, nearly having a conniption. "No icky crushes! No way!"

"Aw, come on, you have to tell the truth," coaxed Amy. "Isn't there someone you especially notice, Charmy?"

"Blargh! NOOOOOOOO!" wailed the little bee. "I don't wanna have a crush! I'm too young to die!"

"I don't think you'd _die,_" said Knuckles. "It just _feels _like you're dead."

"I'm six years old!" Charmy continued to wail. "I'm too young to understand love! I'm not ready for the emotional complexity! For the angst and the insecurity and the heartbreak! I couldn't deal with the demands on my maturity!"

"Uh . . . what has he been watching?" asked Sonic. Espio and Vector shook their heads in bewilderment.

"They can't do this to me!" howled Charmy, irregardless of Amy's attempts to comfort him. "Somebody save me! Get me out of here! Readers!" He waved furiously. "Readers, if you're out there, help me! You gotta help me!"

"Charmy, that's enough," scolded Espio gently. "Nobody's forcing you to have a crush. If you don't have one, that's fine. Just stop talking to the readers! You're probably scaring them."

"Oh . . . right," Charmy calmed down and dried his eyes. "Sorry, readers."

Espio shook his head resignedly.

"All right Charmy, go on and pick the next player."

"Sonic!" sang Charmy, already back to his cheerful self. "Truth or dare!"

"Third time? Okay," laughed Sonic. "Dare."

"I dare you to dare Amy to sing something!"

"Uhhhh . . . okay." Sonic scratched his ear in thought and bounced lightly from foot to foot. "Aw man, I can't think of a good song. Amy, I dare you to sing a song that Rouge picks!"

"Oh sure, brush it off on me," grumbled Rouge.

"Pick a romantic one!" squealed Amy hopefully.

"Hmmm," said Rouge. "I'm tempted to say 'Super Bass' . . . "

"No! No language! And I can't sing that fast!" yelped Amy.

"All right, all right. I'll go easy on ya. Sing 'I Need Your Love'."

"Okay, I can do that!" said Amy cheerfully.

It turned out Amy had the song on her own MP3 player, so they hotwired that to Knuckles' radio and turned the music on. Amy stood up, smoothed down her skirt, and began to sing cautiously. She did it very well, although the occasional long instrumental breaks made her uncomfortable. Mercifully, Sonic tended to divert the others' attention from her during those intervals, usually by bouncing into someone.

When the song ended, Amy sat down again quickly, blushing. The others applauded approvingly.

"That was very good! I don't think you made a single mistake there," said Tails.

"Indeed impressive," said Omega gravely.

"Well thank you," smiled Amy shyly. "I'm glad you liked it. Knuckles, you're next."

"Dare," said Knuckles. "Give me anything! If anyone else here can do it, I can."

"Confident today, are we?" remarked Rouge.

"Why not? Let's see you come up with something I can't do!" scoffed Knuckles.

"Hmmm . . . " Amy scratched her ear in thought, then glanced at Knuckles' mittened hands. "Okay, I've got it."

"Yeah? Bring it on!" Knuckles swung his fists. Amy smiled sweetly.

"Thread a needle."


	24. Some Nights

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Nobody can have good luck all the time, and today was one of Team Dark's bad luck days. Rouge and Shadow were searching for a counterfeiting ring, and had crept into an apartment building in hopes of finding the ringleader's apartment. Obviously they had left Omega behind; creeping was not his specialty, and his sneaking needed work too.

"The numbers on these rooms are weird," murmured Rouge under her breath as she tiptoed down the hallway. "Shouldn't 716 be here?"

"Try down the corridor on the left," whispered Shadow. "I'll take the one on the—"

Suddenly a shrill ringing sound exploded into the hallway. Shadow started, but pressed back against the wall calmly enough. Rouge, however, jumped like a cat in one of those crazy videos you see online.

Abruptly the ringing stopped, and a muffled "Hello?" came from behind one of the doors nearby.

"Just a strange phone ringing," murmured Shadow. He looked up at the ceiling. "Don't like alarms, do we?"

"I'm a jewel thief," Rouge retorted, dropping silently back to the floor. "What do you think?"

Shadow made no reply, which said quite enough on its own. Rouge narrowed her eyes.

"You'd better not be laughing at me, Shadow the Hedgehog."

"What makes you think I am?"

Before Rouge could retort, there came the sound of a doorknob turning just down the hall. Rouge and Shadow glanced at each other and shot down another hallway to hide. They could hear the human's footsteps coming closer . . . he was going to get to the intersection and see them . . .

The two Mobians dashed around a corner, just as the footsteps turned into the very hallway they were in. Unfortunately, they were now in a dead end. Shadow gritted his teeth and looked around for an escape. Rouge motioned frantically. She had found a very large folding-open flap in the wall, like the ones in community mailboxes or library book returns. Shadow skidded over, glanced over his shoulder at the still-approaching footsteps, and clambered swiftly into the chute. Rouge dove after him, just in time.

It was really a risky move. They didn't know if the long, narrow chute led to a mail bin, or a furnace, or _what_. Not to mention they were on the seventh floor. But there was no stopping now; the chute was long and smooth and straight.

After falling for much too long, Shadow landed safely on something soft. He pressed back against the wall just as Rouge came skidding down after him, landing on her hands and swinging easily to her feet.

"Where are we?" she whispered, catching her breath. The place was dark and extremely tiny, barely any wider than the chute had been. Shadow and Rouge were pressed against opposite walls of the tiny space, and their noses were still almost touching. The floor was covered with something extremely soft and uneven, and the air was full of a sweet, flowery, cottony sort of smell. It was familiar . . . as was the strange humming noise that seemed to be coming from just beyond the wall.

Suddenly from overhead there came a swooshing sound.

"Something's coming down—" gasped Rouge.

In the apartment building's basement, a lady came into the laundry room to pick up her clothes from the dryer. One can imagine her great consternation when a nearby cupboard suddenly burst open, spilling out two Mobians tangled in a load of laundry, and she can thus be excused for screaming and running out of the room.

Rouge picked herself up and shook socks from her ears.

"Don't struggle, you're making it worse," she scolded a nearby bedsheet.

"What even is all this?" asked Shadow through his teeth, finally disentangling himself.

"I get it now!" said Rouge cheerfully. "We jumped down a laundry chute. The guy who was after us in the hallway must have been heading for the chute himself."

"Which means he'll be here soon," said Shadow grimly. "We'd better hide somewhere until we can regroup."

"Man, it took us half an hour just to get to the seventh floor without being seen," groaned Rouge. "Now we've gotta do it again?"

"Care to argue with G.U.N.?" retorted Shadow, as he and Rouge clambered out through a small window near the ceiling.

They had just managed to make it to the seventh floor again when G.U.N. suddenly called them. There had been a change of plans; the counterfeiting ring's leader was heading out of the building. Shadow and Rouge tailed him, but somehow lost him. While they were trying to find him, they got a call from HQ saying that the ring had gathered for a late-night meeting in a warehouse across town.

Sighing, Shadow and Rouge hurried out to find Omega. Then the three of them scrambled to the warehouse.

Things just kept getting worse. They waited for backup, but the transport of troops sent to help them got lost. Realizing the meeting would be over soon, they charged in on their own. There followed a melee that pretty much demolished every shelf in that warehouse, and also part of one wall and the ceiling. For good measure they didn't catch a single counterfeiter; every last one of them somehow vanished, leaving two scratched-up Mobians, one scratched-up robot, and a heck of a lot of collateral damage to answer for. The mission was an utter failure—and _that_ almost never happened.

"Well," sighed Rouge, tugging at one ear despondently as she looked around at the wreckage. "At least nobody got hurt. Could be worse." She heaved a sigh and sank down on an overturned crate. "Oh, who am I kidding? Things could not possibly get—"

"Don't say that!" said Shadow sharply. "You know it always starts to rain whenever someone says things can't get worse!"

"So what? That's only in the movies. Besides, we're indoors," grumbled Rouge. "So I will repeat: Things could _not_ possibly get any worse."

Abruptly the building's structural damage triggered the sprinkler system, drenching everyone instantly. Shadow glared through a haze of pouring water.

"You were saying?"


	25. Like a Boss

**A/N: Spoilers for "Sonic Colors" here! Yes, I did rip the dialog directly. This is what I imagine happened the first time they tried to film this scene. :P**

**Also! If anyone here read one of my earlier stories, "Road Trip," there's now a sequel! Brandtskee is writing up a whole new adventure with Shadow and Rouge, called "Road Trip 2: Canadian Adventures." It's looking great so far, so check it out if you're interested! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Mountain Dew. Or is that Mtn. Dew?**

* * *

Sonic had to admit, this crazy interstellar amusement park thing of Eggman's was tolerably cool. In some respects, that is. The rides and shops and restaurants were amazing, and the sushi place he'd just heard about sounded pretty good. The whole "using innocent aliens' energy to power the park and take over the world" thing kind of sucked, though. He was going to have to take this place down, sushi or no sushi, one adrenaline-doused battle at a time. He'd already fought a couple of Eggman's boss-battle robots; they were pretty awesome too.

Suddenly Sonic felt his heartbeat leap into overdrive, his quills tingling with excitement. He could feel it—another boss-level robot was about to appear.

Sure enough, a massive heap of metal suddenly hove ponderously into view. It was shaped like an enormous flying whale, with windows for teeth and droopily lidded eyes that peered down at him semi-menacingly.

Truth be told, for a boss battle, it looked pretty sleepy. And slightly cute.

Ah well, no matter! Sonic twitched with anticipation at the upcoming fight. The prospect of battle always put him in a downright heady mood, like too much coffee followed by two Mountain Dews.

"Hey," he called, unable to resist a few wisecracks. "Did somebody here order a clobbering?"

The giant floating whale moaned whaleishly in reply, its giant eyelids sliding up and down slickly.

"Are you sure? It says _somebody_ ordered an extra-large clobbering topped with everything!"

Another rumbling moan, from the strangely inactive boss robot.

"Hmm. Okay. Tell you what," said Sonic, still caught up in his little spiel. "I can't take this thing back, so I'll give you an extra-large clobbering for—"

Suddenly there was a blurring flurry of blue-green from overhead, accompanied by a brief whiz of rushing air. This was followed by a deafening crash, which was in turn followed by several more deafening crashes. Sonic watched in mute startlement as the boss robot was blown to bits and crumbled to the ground in an avalanche of metal parts. It all took about ten seconds.

Sonic recovered.

"Dude!" he hollered. "_Not cool!_ That was _my_ boss-battle robot!"

Silver emerged from the wreckage, dusting off his hands smartly. A stray drive belt was tangled in his quills.

"Geez. I got bored waiting for you to finish yakking with that thing!"

Sonic scruffed up his quills irately.

"Not cool, man. Not. Cool."


	26. Ask Me No Questions

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

"Hey Tails, bedtime!" called Sonic, poking his head into Tails' room. His little brother didn't look up; his nose was buried deep in a book.

"Tails?" Sonic shook his head. "Tails, don't tell me you're still reading! You've gotta quit, big guy."

"Wha'?" Tails looked up, startled. "Oh, sorry. What was that?"

"Tails, you should go to bed," sighed Sonic. "It's late! No more reading today, 'kay?"

"Just let me finish this chapter?" pleaded Tails.

"Got much left?"

"Only a few pages."

"All right then. But lights out after that, okay?"

"Okay." Tails buried himself back into the book. Chuckling, Sonic went to get ready for bed himself. With Eggman attacking who-knows-when, a hedgehog had to be well-rested and ready at all times.

Speaking of hedgehogs, that's what Tails was reading about. He had found a book on the nature of the Earth hedgehog, detailing the behavior, diet, and appearance of European and African Pygmy hedgehogs. He found it fascinating to compare Earth hedgehogs to the ones he was so familiar with on Mobius. Besides, there were non-sentient hedgehogs on some parts of Mobius too, so he hoped to know one if he ever saw it.

Finishing the chapter, Tails laid the book aside as promised. He tallied similarities in his head. Earth hedgehogs curled up into a ball to defend themselves from enemies. Mobian hedgehogs curled up into a ball to smash enemies. Close enough. Earth hedgehogs could make all kinds of different noises, like squeaks and hisses and purrs. Tails wasn't sure about all of those sounds, but Mobian hedgehogs could _talk_, and he figured that was an improvement any day. Earth hedgehogs hibernated. Sonic and the others were perfectly lively all winter, but they _did_ sleep abnormally much all throughout the year. Maybe they made it even out that way. Earth hedgehogs ate grubs and things—wellll, Tails was kind of glad Sonic preferred chili dogs.

But one thing puzzled Tails. He had read about a strange habit called "anointing," where a hedgehog would foam at the mouth, then spread the foam all over its quills. Nobody was sure why they did that, and Tails thought it would be awesome if he could enlighten the scientific community with the answer. He could just ask Sonic for the reason! The only problem was, he'd never seen Sonic (or Shadow, Silver, Amy, or Maria) foaming at the mouth. At least not in the literal sense. Inciting Shadow into figuratively foaming at the mouth was easy enough.

Tails puzzled about it for a while. Perhaps Mobian hedgehogs just didn't perform the anointing ritual? Quite possible, considering all the other ways in which they were different from Earth hedgehogs. But what service did the anointing provide that Mobian hedgehogs no longer needed?

Although he was a bit hesitant to ask what might be a sensitive question, Tails found he could not stand his curiosity. Sliding off his bed, he went out to look for Sonic.

In the hallway, Tails saw the bathroom door was open, and heard the sink running from inside.

"Hey Sonic?" he called, wandering over. "How come you and the other hedgehogs never foam at the mouth?"

"Mlmph?" mumbled Sonic. He lifted his head from the sink, his muzzle dripping with toothpaste slobber. "Sorry, wha' was the k'estion?"

Tails opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"Uh . . . never mind. I just got the answer."


	27. They Can't Make This Stuff Up

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co. **

* * *

The flu was going around Mobius, and Blaze absolutely insisted everyone get their flu shots. Shadow protested that he was the Ultimate and didn't ever get sick (except with magical ailments like Tinsel Dwarf Whooping Cough), but Blaze was adamant. She'd have had Omega taking a flu shot, if she could just figure out how to administer it to him. As it was, she contented herself with an updated antivirus system for the robot.

At any rate, most of the Mobians went down to the flu clinic together. Cream, Tails, Charmy, and Marine were all laughing nervously and telling each other it really wasn't a big deal, while Sonic was slouched grumpily in a waiting room chair. He didn't like getting shots; they always made him feel like Eggman was trying out some new chemical. Blaze, her jaw set, was reading a magazine. Most of the other Mobians were just waiting idly, except Shadow, who was muttering and pacing around the waiting room impatiently. He bumped into an elderly gentleman-fox who was just coming in through the door.

"Sorry," said Shadow tersely, and kept pacing. The gentleman ruffled up his fur crossly.

"Watch where you're going, young whippersnapper!" he scowled, his voice thin and irascible. "Don'cha have any respect for your elders?"

Shadow turned and shrugged, rolling his eyes. The gentleman bristled more.

"You young hooligans these days! When I was your age, I called everyone five years older'n me 'sir'!"

"Not when you were my age," said Shadow coolly.

"Oh, is that so?" The gentleman bristled all the more. "Then how old are yeh, you scoundrel?"

"Give or take, in my sixties," said Shadow wearily.

"You little liar!" the gentleman swung his cane at Shadow furiously, but Shadow stepped aside.

"Take it easy. Just go wherever you came here to go, and stop putting yourself at risk for apoplexy."

Still snarling about the disgraceful youngsters these days, the elderly fox loped off to the counter to check in. Shadow flung himself down in a chair moodily.

"That old, huh? Well gosh darn it," remarked Sonic. "All this time we thought Shadow had chest fur, and really all along it was a beard!"

Silver and several of the kids choked down laughter. Shadow gave Sonic a poisonous look, but just at that moment the nurse called him back to receive his shot. So Sonic got to keep all of his quills for a while longer.

"I don't think we have you in our records," remarked the nurse, a chipper middle-aged bushbaby with wide brown eyes. "Have you been here before?"

"No," groaned Shadow, knowing he would have to register now. He was going to tell Blaze what he thought, when this was all over.

"This'll only take a minute," assured the nurse, pulling out a form. "Let's see. Name?"

"Shadow the Hedgehog."

"Age?"

"Sixty-something. Put it down as sixty-two, physically nineteen."

The nurse gave him a dubious look.

"Don't ask questions," said Shadow wearily. "I'm ageless."

"Ohh . . . kayyyy," sighed the nurse. "Gender male, fur color black and red, eyes red." She motioned to a scale nearby. "Stand on that and I'll take your weight. And what's your height?"

"Three foot three," growled Shadow. He was getting impatient already.

"Parents?" continued the nurse.

"Good question," said Shadow. "I never knew my mother, I had several genetic contributors, and my father was supposed to be Black Doom. Then the fox cub told me Black Doom was my father only in practice, and in theory was my mother. So by now I don't know anything anymore. Put me down as an alien/hedgehog/unknown-other hybrid, whose father was a mad scientist and whose mother was a stasis pod full of green sludge."

"Mister," said the nurse wearily, putting down her clipboard. "Don't you think you're taking this a bit too far?"

"I wish someone had said that to those idiots back on the ARK," said Shadow with feeling.

"Please. Stop messing around, and just tell me your info, all right? We have a long line of people waiting for their shots."

"I'm telling you as best as I can," said Shadow coldly. It was very clear from his voice that he was not joking. Shaking her head wearily, the nurse picked up her clipboard again.

"Any other family?"

Shadow hesitated.

"No. Not . . . not biologically."

"Relatives by adoption or remarriage count too. Anyone legally registered as your family member."

"Nobody officially registered," said Shadow quietly.

"Oh. All right then. Any history of medical conditions? Ever had a heart attack, stroke, anything like that?"

"Frequent combat injuries, but they heal." Shadow grimaced. "And I fell through the atmosphere once."

"Fell through the . . . "

"Just put it down as, 'for all intents and purposes, was temporarily dead'."

Raising her eyes heavenwards, the nurse did so.

"Anything else?" she asked, somewhat drily.

"Repeated amnesia, depression, schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, violent tendencies, possible sociopathy, somewhat possible sadomasochism, assorted other forms of mental instability, victim of mind control," rattled off Shadow. "Add megalomania if you like."

The nurse gave Shadow an anxious look, her pen hovering in midair.

"Have you . . . considered seeing a therapist?" she ventured at last.

"I got over it," shrugged Shadow.

"Ah." The nurse considered the prospect of jabbing this clearly unstable creature with a hypodermic needle. It was not an optimistic prospect.

"Can we get this over with?" asked Shadow impatiently. "How much more on this form?"

"That's all. Do you . . . uh, do you want to get the shot now?"

Shadow rolled his eyes wearily and brushed back a patch of fur on his shoulder in preparation for the alcohol swab.

A few minutes later, Shadow came back to the waiting room and a very jittery Sonic was sent in. The receptionist handed Shadow a copy of the nurse's form so he could sign it.

"What took you so long?" asked Rouge. Shadow handed her the form wordlessly. She read it and closed her eyes.

"And then we wonder why you're so messed up." She glanced over the paper again. "How is it that you haven't been locked up yet?"

"I spend fifty years in a stasis tube, and you tell me I haven't been locked up?"

Cream, her arm still bandaged from her own flu shot, stood on her toes to see the form too. Her eyes widened sadly. "Ohh, Mr. Shadow . . . you haven't got a single thing listed under 'family' . . . doesn't even Maria count?"

"In legal terms, no. Legally speaking, I'm lucky enough to be completely alone in the world," shrugged Shadow. He glanced drily around the waiting room crowded with antsy Mobians. "Legally speaking. In practice, I'm stuck with more idiots than I know how to deal with."

Rouge rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, we love you too."


	28. Out of My Mind, Please Leave a Message

**A/N: Okay, this'll be random and possibly bewildering . . . is anyone here a fan of the Bad Lip Reading videos on YouTube? That's where much of the dialog comes from. I just thought Knuckles would be _perfect_ for this song.**

**Also, an announcement on behalf of The Hidden Flare! He asked me to help spread the word about a kickstarter for a 2D game called Shantae, which could use your support. Go check out the info on The Hidden Flare's profile, and he's agreed to take PM's if you're interested and/or want further explanation. Also, look up "E-series: Shantae Mini-Retrospective and Kickstarter" on YouTube for some background. There's a free game for the iOS out there too. Cool stuff!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

On Angel Island, Knuckles was mysteriously absent. The Master Emerald was still in its place, but Rouge was perched on top of it, a set of earphones plugged into her ears. Technically she could have sailed off with the gem several times by now, but it wasn't much fun swiping it when its guardian wasn't there to squabble with. So she was basking in the sunlight, waiting for Knuckles to return and warbling along to some song on an MP3 player. I don't know which song. Think of the last possible song you'd expect Rouge to like, then pick one twice as unlikely. Rouge's taste in music was not what you'd expect.

Presently a flash of red from the woods nearby caught Rouge's attention. She pulled out the earphones and grinned as Knuckles approached. He was carrying an armload of coconuts, evidently intending to store them for snacks, and he must not have seen her. He was approaching very calmly. Tumbling the coconuts in a heap at the bottom of the Master Emerald's pyramid, he trotted to the top.

"Morning, Knux," sang Rouge sweetly. Knuckles looked up, only mildly surprised. His equanimity was unusual—normally he'd be roaring for Rouge to get off the Master Emerald pronto, by now.

"Just dropping in for a visit, you know?" Rouge grinned. "Aren't you happy to see me, Knuckie?"

Knuckles surveyed her seriously for a minute.

"I was happy, and then your sister threw a sea fish at my TV," he replied glumly.

"Come again?" Rouge's ears twitched in surprise. The last time she checked, there weren't any sea fish anywhere nearby. And Knuckles didn't have a TV. And even that was disregarding the fact that she didn't have any sisters.

"What exactly did you say?" she asked, giving Knuckles a puzzled look. Knuckles looked up at her earnestly.

"You know, fish can hear you thinkin' just before you sneeze," he warned.

"Uh . . . Knuckles?" ventured Rouge uneasily. "Are you okay?"

Knuckles clambered up to join her on top of the Master Emerald.

"Amy left your party," he said, somewhat smugly. "And I'm leaving at three to pick apples."

"I never had a party. What are you babbling about, Knucklehead? Are you all there?"

"The tiny clown, he got wet," Knuckles began to sing. "I was talkin' to a psychic! And I can't sleep in the ozone; there's too many different peanuts lookin' sad . . . "

"Uh, I would like to go now," said Rouge uneasily. She slipped off the Master Emerald and whisked away post-haste. Knuckles, smiling oddly, watched her leave.

"Shadow, wait up!" called Rouge, swooping up behind the dark hedgehog. "I think you'd better go check on Knuckles."

"Don't tell me you've been making passes at the stupid Emerald again," groaned Shadow.

"That's irrelevant!" sputtered Rouge. "I think the Knucklehead's been alone with that rock too long. He's finally lost it! I was up there, and he was just spouting all kinds of nonsense!"

Shadow flicked an ear, somewhat interested.

"Crazy, huh? Well, I'll go have a look."

A while later, Shadow approached the Master Emerald. He found Knuckles lying underneath it, his hands tucked under his head lazily.

"Hello. Was Rouge just here?" asked Shadow curtly.

"Sure, sure," said Knuckles, getting to his feet eagerly. "But that's not important! Now we can begin!"

"Whatever it is, I'm not getting mixed up in it," growled Shadow. Knuckles wagged a mittened finger reprimandingly.

"No, no, pay attention." A somewhat dreamy expression suddenly crossed his muzzle. "Let's get to it! We're on Broadway."

"What the—"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a pleasant, jingly little tune started to play. Shadow looked around blankly, trying to find the source of the music. When he turned back to Knuckles, he found the echidna had somehow managed to don a very snazzy top hat and cane. Before Shadow could comment, Knuckles began to sing in a very charming sort of Broadway voice.

"_I once knew a kid, his tongue fell off in his sleep!_"

Shadow took a step back involuntarily, his ears folding against his head slightly.

"_La bibbida-bibba-dum!"_

"What?!"

_"La bibbida-bibba-do! _This is a violet!" Knuckles waved a sheet of newspaper in Shadow's general direction. Shadow growled.

"No it isn't."

"Yeah, well it could be a flower." Knuckles surveyed the newspaper fondly, then tossed it aside. "The other night, there was this movie that was all about gardens, called 'Bloody Shrimp'."

"You've got a _problem_," said Shadow grimly. Knuckles nodded earnestly.

"Uh, yeah! I just found out that we missed Halloween!"

Shadow looked at him blankly for a few seconds.

". . . Yyyeah."

Meanwhile the music picked up again, and Knuckles resumed singing.

"_I always wanted a Wookiee! Then I found out they weren't real . . . _

"Thanks for nothing, George Lucas.

_"La bibbida-bibba dum! La bibbida-bibba-do! La bibbida-bibba-dum!—"_

"Okay, this is getting old!" interrupted Shadow.

_"La bibbida-bibba-do!"_

"No more!"

_"La bibbida-bibba-dum!"_

"Come on, stop it!"

_"La bibbida-bibba-do! . . . _

_"CLUCK!_

_"Went the chicken!"_

The last musical notes rang out as Knuckles doffed his top hat and bowed graciously.

"And that's how they do it . . . on Broadway!" he declared, chortling merrily and twirling the top hat on the tip of his cane. Shadow, swiping one hand in resignation, left.

"You were right," he said, returning to where Rouge was waiting. "Stark raving mad."

"What do we do?" asked Rouge anxiously.

"Leave him. There's nothing we _can_ do, Rouge. He's too far gone."

"Poor old Knuckles . . . " murmured Rouge sadly, glancing back towards Angel Island.

"Eh," muttered Shadow. "He seemed happy enough."

* * *

A few days later, Sonic came skidding up to the Master Emerald shrine, where Knuckles was lounging underneath his prized gem as usual.

"Yo, Knux!" Sonic called. "How goes the insanity?"

"Pretty good," said Knuckles lazily. "I still feel like a complete idiot, but the batgirl hasn't shown her face here in almost a week! At least now I can close both eyes when I go to sleep and know the Master Emerald will still be here in the morning."

"Well, you know who to thank!" chuckled Sonic. "It _was_ my idea."

"Yeah, I owe you."

"Nahhh," said Sonic, plunking down to rest and high-fiving the echidna cheerfully. "You did all the work anyway. Ever considered a real career in Broadway?"

"Not if I have to sing like _that_," said Knuckles, making a face. Sonic laughed, but shook his head ruefully.

"Still wish I could've been there to see the look on Shadow's face, though."

"Yeah . . . " Knuckles smirked. "You would've liked it."

* * *

**A/N: If anyone wants to hear the song Knuckles sang, try searching "Bad Lip Reading the Governor's Song" on YouTube. I don't own the song, but neither do they, technically. :P It's very catchy, though. Sadly, Bad Lip Reading as a whole isn't always kid-friendly, but I can recommend a few all-ages ones if you're interested. The videos are all really funny.**


	29. Failure to Lunch

**A/N: Wellll, that was interesting! I hadn't expected such a response to that previous chapter, and a mixed response, too. Since so many people seemed to like it, I'm weighing the idea of a second part . . . but it did also rub a few people the wrong way, so I'm only weighing the idea for now. If you feel strongly about it either way, please let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

**Also, this one will assume that you all know the premise of "Sonic Generations." You know, with the little Classic Tails and the little mute Classic Sonic running around?**

* * *

Filming "Sonic Generations" wasn't easy. Pretty much every last one of Sonic's friends was involved in the game somehow, so squabbles were frequent. Usually only a few people had to be on-set at any given point in time, but the others were usually lurking around somewhere anyway. They never could tell when the director would give up on one cutscene and try filming another.

The real nightmare, though, was the crowd scenes. Filming the birthday party was like pulling teeth. From fifteen people at once. With a rusty excavator.

At length the director threw up his hands as usual. After thirty-seven takes, Amy still hadn't managed to knock Knuckles into that tree right. Luckily for Knuckles, the tree was made of soft foam, but he was still getting grumpy.

"Look, that's enough!" sighed the director. "Everybody take a lunch break, all right?"

Several relieved sighs from various quarters. Sonic and his little Classic self settled down to share a lunch of chili dogs, apples, and juice, while Silver and both Tailses bartered their lunch items back and forth.

"Man, I've had enough," groaned Knuckles, munching on a leek bun. "If I get smacked into that tree one more time . . . "

"Sorry, Knuckles," said Amy contritely. "It's so hard to make it look accidental and still aim right! Does it hurt?"

"Nahhhh," scoffed Knuckles, puffing up his chest. "I'm too tough to let something like that bother me."

"Then you won't mind a few more takes," remarked Rouge sardonically from nearby. Knuckles stifled a groan.

"Hey, don't complain, Knux," said Sonic. "Think what I had to go through. Fifty-four takes just to catch that stupid chili dog out of midair! I lost count of how many times I got hit in the head instead."

"Twenty-nine," said Knuckles instantly.

"Thaaaaanks, Knucklehead. That was info I _really_ needed to know."

The others chuckled. Rouge glanced at Silver and the two Tailses.

"Are you three just going to trade stuff all through lunch break?"

"Yup!" chorused all three Mobians.

"I'll trade two cookies for your granola bar!" piped up Classic Tails. Silver shook his head.

"Make it three, and I'll consider the offer."

Meanwhile, Sonic polished off another chili dog and glanced over to where Shadow was eating his lunch. As usual, Shadow had found a rock to sit on, far away from everyone else. He was quietly downing a sandwich, while a soda bottle and cupcake sat next to him. Sonic twitched one ear and glanced at his Classic counterpart.

Moments later, Shadow looked up idly as a slight breeze passed him. Glancing around, he realized his cupcake had miraculously vanished. He sighed, put down his sandwich, and strode over to Sonic.

"Give it back, Faker," he ordered.

"Mmph," replied Sonic, chewing. "Not sure you want it by this point, Shads."

Shadow gave him a warning look, but declined to get into a full-scale row over a cupcake.

"I'll take the apple as compensation," he said, commandeering Classic Sonic's apple and returning to his lunch.

Seconds later another breeze blew by him, and his soda disappeared. Gritting his teeth to maintain his patience, he blinked into high-speed mode himself and swiped the soda back. Grinning, Classic Sonic shot out again to snatch the sandwich right out of Shadow's hands.

"I love when this happens," said Tails blissfully (the Modern one). Silver and Classic Tails gave him puzzled looks.

Meanwhile, having thoroughly lost his temper, Shadow swiped the remainder of the two Sonics' chili dogs. This was a transgression not to be forgiven; the two Sonics flew into a fury and jumped Shadow simultaneously. Shadow calmly hoisted little Classic Sonic up by the scruff of the neck.

"Hmm." He surveyed the flailing little hedgehog grimly, then glanced at the usual Sonic. "I wonder what would happen to Modern Sonic if I got rid of the Classic one."

"Don't you dare!" barked Sonic. "You're gonna have to get through _me_ if you wanna hurt . . . uh . . . me!"

"I'm willing to try," smirked Shadow, dropping Classic Sonic unceremoniously to the ground and throwing himself at Modern Sonic. Shaking his little fists angrily, Classic Sonic entered into the fray, though it was unclear whether he was doing more good or causing more trouble.

The others watched resignedly as three vaguely hedgehog-shaped blurs chased each other around the set, spindashing into each other occasionally.

"Think they'll be okay?" asked Rouge.

"I doubt they'll attempt serious injury," shrugged Blaze.

Meanwhile, Modern Tails gathered up the three hedgehogs' abandoned lunches and redistributed them among himself, Silver, and Classic Tails.

"You sure they won't mind?" asked Classic Tails, popping open Shadow's soda.

"Nahhh," said Tails cheerfully. "Once they're done, they'll have forgotten they were even eating lunch."


	30. Friday

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or the movies or song mentioned!**

* * *

"Guys!" called Rouge, skidding into the training room where Shadow and Omega were sparring. "Come look at this movie I found on the internet!"

Shadow gave her an odd look, just before getting knocked backwards into a stack of crates. Omega didn't do so well with the concept of stopping mid-battle.

"Foul shot," grumbled the hedgehog, disentangling himself from a jumble of crates. "I was just about to call 'time'." He glanced at Rouge dubiously. "Why the wild eyes?"

"It's about Fridays!" said Rouge, already pulling him towards the door.

"Have you been watching _Friday the 13th_?" asked Shadow wearily.

"Come on, come on!" urged Rouge, hustling her teammates down the hall.

"Are you sure Omega can handle that kind of stuff?"

"You underestimate the durability of my processors," interrupted Omega in a wounded tone.

"Perhaps, but I also remember what happened when you tried to watch _Ghostbusters_."

Omega fell silent.

Rouge pulled Shadow and Omega in front of a computer and started up the music video for "Friday."

"Look! Fridays!" she said solemnly, her ears twitching erratically.

"Good grief." Shadow rubbed his eyes wearily. "That's all wrong. On very many levels."

"CONTENT FLAWED," intoned Omega suddenly. "CRITICAL ERROR. INITIATING EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN."

"Oh for goodness'—"

Too late. Omega fizzed out into sleep mode.

"You and your bright ideas!" Shadow growled, giving Rouge a disgruntled look. She made no response, however; she was staring blankly at the video, which seemed to be playing on loop.

"Rouge," said Shadow. "Don't look."

"It's like a horror movie," mumbled Rouge distantly. "I can't look away . . . "

"Well, you'd better." Shadow sighed. "Turn it off already, Rouge."

No response.

"Rouge?" He waved a hand in front of her eyes, nudged her, and shouted right next to her ear, but she continued to gaze dizzily at the music video, looking something between mesmerized and frozen in fear. Growling, Shadow turned off the video and entered a reboot code to wake Omega. Then he went searching for something to revive Rouge with.

Unfortunately for all involved, Rouge snapped out of her trance just as Shadow overturned a glass of water over her. Subsequently several G.U.N. rules were broken, including "No fighting in the halls" and "No swimming without an ID tag." For good measure, while Omega was anxiously trying to fish the two squabbling Mobians out of one of the training pools, he fell in after them.

It was indeed a dark day in the annals of G.U.N. history. And for good measure it was only Wednesday.

* * *

**A/N: Just for the record, I actually like "Friday." It's a cute song, and I don't see anything worse about its quality than the average modern song. I'd take it over most Katy Perry tunes, anyhow. In case you haven't guessed this by now, yes, I am a slightly deranged person. :P**


	31. Daisy Love

**Fair warning! Contains character pairing, possible pairing, and an enforced triangle. And general fledermaus mischief. Ever heard the song "Bette Davis' Eyes"? Yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

It was daisy season on Mobius, and the meadows had produced quite a bumper crop. Cream was in ecstasies, of course; she was determined to make a beautiful daisy crown for every single one of her friends.

One dewy morning, Team Dark was heading home after a long night of missions. Passing by a daisy field, they espied an unusually large number of Mobians in it. Silver and Blaze had a blanket, and were having a picnic breakfast together in one corner. In another corner, Cream and Amy were happily picking bushels of daisies, while Knuckles, for reasons unknown, was snoozing peacefully off to one side of the field.

"I'm going the long way," said Shadow grimly.

"What? Why?" asked Rouge, waking up slightly from her all-nighter-induced stupor.

"I'm not going anywhere near that rabbit until daisy season is over."

"Second the motion," grated Omega, making to follow after Shadow.

"Oh, for the love of pete," sighed Rouge. "You guys aren't scared of aliens or fire monsters or zombie hedgehogs or giant robots of doom, but you find unnerving a tiny little rabbit who makes crowns out of daisies?"

"Exactly," said Shadow, striking out for higher ground with Omega in tow. Chuckling tiredly, Rouge ambled over to say hi to the others.

"Good morning, Ms. Rouge!" called Cream. "Do you want me to make you a daisy crown?"

"Morning. Sure, thanks," said Rouge sleepily, sitting down. "Make me two extras and I'll bring them to the boys. They'll love 'em."

Amy stifled a giggle.

"What's Knuckie doing here?" asked Rouge, nodding towards the drowsing echidna.

"He was out treasure hunting last night. He must have gotten so tired he just lay down to sleep here," called Blaze from nearby. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Nah. I'm going to bed soon," Rouge yawned. She sat back and watched with only mild interest as Amy began to pluck petals from a daisy, one by one.

"He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me!" Amy squeaked happily as the last petal fluttered off the daisy. "He does love me!" She stopped and considered. "But I'd better count again to make sure!"

The next daisy, however, yielded a "loves me not." Disappointed but not disheartened, Amy picked another daisy and began to count again. Soon she had gone through twenty daisies and gotten thirteen "he loves me"'s, so she figured that was a pretty good percentage.

"You know, you're not supposed to do it multiple times," said Rouge. "You only do it once, and then it really matters."

"Well, the first one was 'loves me'!" said Amy happily. "Blaze, are you going to try?"

"No thank you," said Blaze, smiling slightly. Silver blushed, but smiled in return.

"So how about you?" asked Amy, turning to Rouge. From the edge of the field, Knuckles opened one eye silently.

"Mmm . . . all right." Rouge plucked a daisy idly and began to flick off the petals one by one. "Loves me, loves me not, loves me, loves me not—"

"Who are you counting for?" interrupted Amy.

"Hmmm?" asked Rouge innocently, but with a hint of a smirk. "Let's see, where was I? Oh yes. Loves me, loves me not, loves me, loves me . . . not."

She surveyed the plucked daisy head silently for a moment. Knuckles quietly opened the other eye and sat up.

"Well," said Rouge at last. She tossed the daisy stalk aside. "That's a relief!"

Knuckles nearly registered a heart attack, but Rouge either didn't notice or (more likely) pretended not to. Twitching her ears mischievously, she plucked another daisy.

"Now for . . . the other one."


	32. I Ain't Missin' You At All

**Any _Sonic Chronicles_ fans out there? **

**. . . **

***cricket chirps***

**Oh dear. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

"I've had it!" declared Amy, smashing a random rock. "Now I'm really annoyed!"

"What's wrong, Miss Amy?" asked Cream anxiously. Amy huffed and tossed her hammer from hand to hand moodily.

"That jerk Sonic missed another date! That's the third one this month!"

"I'm sure something important came up, Miss Amy," soothed Cream.

"Oh, something always comes up," muttered Amy. "He has to fight Eggman, he has to get to a chili dog special, he gets dragged into a storybook and turned into King Arthur! Every single time I manage to get a date with him, he misses it!"

Suddenly her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Say . . . that gives me an idea . . . "

"Miss Amy?" said Cream anxiously.

"He wants to miss dates, huh?" Amy grinned wickedly. "Maybe that's a good idea . . . maybe he should miss them _more._"

Cream watched with trepidation as Amy strode off, her skirt swinging with her purposeful stride. This was not liable to end well.

Sonic and his friends had a large assortment of extra-special moves they could perform when fighting opponents. Some were especially awesome. Knuckles' Uppercut was fast, easy, and cheap on energy, but hugely effective. Rouge's Jewel Storm could pierce a steel plate. Shadow's "doomsday stomp" as he approached for a Chaos Spear did almost as much psychological damage as the actual move did physical damage. Amy had her own variety of tricks and special moves too, some better than others.

But there was one move—one special move—whose devastating amazingness had gotten her and her friends out of many a pickle. Officially, the move was called the Tarot Draw. Using it, Amy could give enemies the Cursed condition, making all their attacks miss. When you were fighting an enemy who could crush you in one blow, having them miss every time was a lifesaver. Of course, Amy never used the move on her friends . . . at least, not until now.

She waited by the path that Sonic usually took on his morning run. As Sonic came sailing into view, Amy hollered "Soniiiic! Stop!"

Sonic skidded to a halt, maintaining a safe distance.

"Something wrong, Amy?" he asked.

"No, no—I just need you to stand right there!" said Amy. "Don't come any closer!"

Sonic raised his eyebrows. _Don't_ come closer? There was a new one. He blinked in Amy's direction, puzzled, then froze. He recognized that particular swing of the arms . . .

Too late. With a screeching hiss, a small black cloud of smoke suddenly materialized over his head—the usual indicator that one was Cursed.

"Amy!" he protested. "Whadja go and do that for?"

"I figured you liked missing things," said Amy sweetly.

"Oh." Sonic gulped. "This is about the date, isn't it?"

"Yup!" Amy produced her hammer and twirled it lightly around her wrist. "Don't worry. 'Cursed' wears off in about an hour and a half. You'll be fine then . . . unless I Tarot Draw you again, that is."

"Oh, brother," grumbled Sonic, as Amy skipped off.

The next hour and a half did not go well. Some of Sonic's friends asked him why he was so depressed, thinking he had picked up a little raincloud of gloom somewhere. Others, who were more familiar with Cursed, shook their heads pityingly. Over the course of that hour and a half, Sonic succeeded in missing his step multiple times. He also missed the boat, the door, the joke, the bus, and three phone calls. Any of his attempts at humor completely missed the mark, and when he went to challenge Shadow to a race, he missed his chance. Tragically, he even missed the chili dog cart that was making its rounds. It was fortunate that there were no alien invasions that day, because he would probably have missed them entirely as well.

After an hour and a half, Amy showed up, looking inclined to perform another Tarot Draw.

"Don't even think about it!" warned Sonic, backing away. "I don't feel like missing anything else!"

"Not even our dates?" asked Amy, folding her arms.

Sonic gave her a blank look.

"Or do I have to Tarot Draw you again?"

"Ack! No!" Sonic took off full-speed, before an irate Amy could initiate the move.

Cream peeked out from behind a nearby rock, seeing that the brunt of the storm had passed.

"Did it work, Miss Amy?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, right," sighed Amy. "Among all the other things he's missed, he also missed the point."


	33. (Dub)steppin' Out

**A/N: Announcement on behalf of my friend T.M. Veganstroth! She's writing the fourth installment of her own Sonic series, "New Hedgehog in Town." It's about Tristina, a wolf/quesa/hedgehog in the world of SatAM. Lots of adventure, lots of cool stuff! Go ahead and check it out, especially if you're a SatAM fan! You can also have a look at her profile page if you want some more info. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or the music referenced!**

* * *

Among other things you wouldn't guess he was, Tails happened to be a closet dubstep fan. The driving intensity and roar of machinery with interludes of electronica warmed the cockles of his oil-drenched heart. For a long time not even Sonic knew about it, but eventually Tails let the cat out of the bag. He'd been watching so many how-to videos and dubstep performances online, he soon became quite the adept little dubstep-dancer himself.

One day, Charmy, Marine, and Cream came over to play, and asked if Tails could show them how to dubstep. He was a little shy about it, but at last agreed. Since the weather was nice, they took Tails' little radio outside and practiced there.

Shadow came by, and eyed the proceedings from a safe distance. He was fairly used to the kids behaving strangely, but he fancied they were a bit young to be performing mass exorcisms. Which seemed to be what they were trying to achieve, at the moment. Either that or they were practicing for roles in a zombie dance show.

The music, however, soon caught Shadow's ear. He listened for a moment, his ears swiveling. His expression grew dark.

"Where did you get that?" he called suddenly.

The kids stopped dancing, startled.

"The music?" said Tails anxiously. "I got it on a CD!"

Shadow considered, then glanced upwards.

"Hey Rouge!" he called.

Rouge dropped from the sky unexpectedly and folded her wings.

"What's up?"

Shadow gestured grimly towards Tails' CD player.

"We've been infiltrated."

Rouge tilted her head and listened to the music for a while. The kids stood and looked at each other uneasily, wondering what was brewing.

"I think you're right," said Rouge at last. "Where did you kiddos get—"

"On a CD," interrupted Shadow.

"Where'd you get the CD?" persisted Rouge.

The kids were getting thoroughly nervous by now.

"It was just a regular CD from the store! Over in Central City," Tails explained.

"Were there others like it?" questioned Shadow.

"Uh . . . well yes, there were other copies," said Tails.

"Hmmm . . . " Rouge eyed the radio skeptically. "That's strange."

"It's a popular form of music these days," Tails rattled on. "It's called dubstep! It's getting really big."

"And do they all sound like that?" asked Shadow, jabbing a finger in the radio's direction.

"Well . . . yeah, kind of. The same style, anyway," said Tails.

Shadow and Rouge exchanged glances.

"Even if we _did_ get infiltrated," said Rouge slowly, "Why would anyone want to record _that?_ And why would they want to make it mainstream?"

"I guess it would make better sense for them to record something of actual _use_," agreed Shadow, folding his arms. "And then keep it secret, for blackmail. Even if they _did_ want to release it to the public, they'd pick something actually incriminating."

"Blackmail? Incriminating?" gulped Tails.

"Don't worry, you're fine," said Rouge, patting him on the head. "I think this whole thing was just a big coincidence. Thanks for cooperating though, kiddos. You can go back to whatever you were doing."

Rouge and Shadow left, as the kids continued to exchange puzzled and somewhat unnerved looks.

"That's the strangest thing that's happened all month," muttered Shadow.

"Do you think it really was just a coincidence?" asked Rouge.

"Probably. Like the kid says, that . . . dubstep thing is just supposed to be music."

" 'Supposed to be' is a good way to put it," snorted Rouge. "The stuff that passes for music these days!"

"Yeah," remarked Shadow absent-mindedly. "Still can't quite get my mind around that coincidence, though. Random piece of music, and it sounds just _exactly_ like Omega before he gets his coffee in the morning."

* * *

**A/N: Yes, Omega drinks coffee. And lots of coffee-flavored milkshakes. How else is a robot supposed to stay alert during an all-nighter?**

** Oh, so you want to hear what he sounds like without it?**

**No, you don't. Believe me.**

**. . . **

**All right, all right. Look up "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites" by Skrillex, and wait for the chorus. Don't say I didn't warn you.**

**But do a robot a favor and don't look it up, okay? Poor guy still hasn't heard the end of it. :P**


	34. Cream Interviews, 2!

**A/N: More spoilers for Sonic '06! Plus explanations for a couple of common complaints about that game. ;)**

**By the way, this whole system assumes that the games are being acted, not really happening. However, they _are_ a reenactment of events that actually did happen! Kind of like the "Sonic X Bloopers" by Shadow Talon Girl. (Those are awesome, by the way.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Cream was conducting another interview of the Sonic '06 cast.

"Today's question!" she chirped to the camera. "What is one thing you'd like to change about this game?"

Her enthusiasm was not the greatest; that was because she had a very unpleasant task before her. After last time, she knew better than to skip interviewing Mephiles.

Deciding to get the terror out of the way first, she told everyone to come after her if she wasn't back in ten minutes. Then she edged apprehensively up to the evil hedgehog. He was in his Crystal form.

"M-m-m-m-mister Mephiles?" she squeaked, her voice barely audible.

The red-and-green eyes turned her way. The camera angle bobbed wildly, as camera-chao Cheese evidently latched onto Cream's shoulder in terror. Mephiles continued to stare silently at the young rabbit.

"Wh-what would you like to change about this game, if you could?" whispered Cream, holding out the mike shakily.

"I would like it to cease existing entirely," said Mephiles slowly, his mouthless muzzle morphing slightly from word to word.

"U-um . . . " Cream tried to say something, but Mephiles' cold stare seemed to be getting sharper and sharper, and words kept failing her. At last she yelped "Thanks for your time, sir!" and the camera view turned into a swinging blur of color. Evidently Cream had fled, chao and camera in tow.

After that ordeal, the rest of the cast was nothing. Cream ran into Tails first.

"I'd like to have a little more screen time," sighed Tails wistfully. "I mean, heck, Omega's great, but I think _he_ gets more scenes than I do! It'd be nice to play more of a part."

"Hear, hear!" called Knuckles from nearby. "I get what, three lines in this whole game? Gimme a break! I mean, if they'd just let _me_ at that Mephiles dude, I'd lay him out flat in no time!"

"Oh really?" murmured a voice from behind him. Knuckles whirled.

"Ohhhh, fruitcake—"

Cream hastily vacated the premises.

Next she took on Silver.

"What would you like to change about the game?" she asked.

"Have me be the one to seal Iblis," said Silver at once. "Or at _least_ not have Blaze get taken into another dimension."

"Well thanks," smiled Blaze. "But at least it's not really happening this time."

"Yeah, but I don't like to remember it," sighed Silver, folding his arms. "So hey, how about you? What would you change?"

"Actually, I'd change _your_ part," said Blaze. "The gameplay should remove the handicap and let you use your psychokinesis to its full extent. At the current rate, I'm afraid people are not going to be impressed."

"I can't help it if I'm slow on foot!" shrugged Silver.

"How come they don't let you use your psychokinesis much, Mr. Silver?" asked Cream.

"Ehh." Silver smirked slightly. "If they did, people would complain I was _over-powered_."

"Well, what if people complain you're . . . slow?" asked Cream awkwardly.

"Then I'm gonna have something to say to the director."

Suddenly Blaze's ears twitched, and she tensed.

"He's coming," she said tersely.

Everyone froze as Mephiles came stalking into their midst, still in his Crystal form.

"Has anyone seen a sledgehammer?" he asked in his dark voice.

"That way," said Silver, pointing.

Mephiles turned and stalked silently in that direction.

"Well," said Blaze at last. "That was odd."

Cream went to interview Amy next.

"Aw, you know," sighed Amy. "It'd sure be nice if _I_ were the one who got to kiss Sonic. I mean, it's not like I'm jealous or anything; there's not really anything going on there. But _still_, I wish . . . "

"Did you talk to the director?" ventured Cream.

"Of course I did! And he was going to let me be the one, too. But then he changed his mind for some reason."

"I wonder why," murmured Cream, although she had some inkling of an idea.

Accordingly, she spoke to Sonic next.

"I'd like to not die," said Sonic frankly. "But the director said it was absolutely necessary, and it'd be too complicated to change the script."

"Speaking of the director," said Cream, as sternly as her sweet nature allowed. "Did you convince him not to let Miss Amy kiss you?"

Sonic jumped.

"W—w-well, I—"

"Mr. Sonic?" She was even more stern now.

"Well, what was I supposed to do?" blurted Sonic. "I wasn't about to let her kiss me in front of _everyone!_ Sweet Mobius, I'd die for _real!_ Besides, you know the dudes in charge don't like it when any one couple gets set in stone. So I . . . kiiiiiinda talked the director into letting Elise be the one kissing me. At least then everyone will know there isn't anything going on there!"

"Wrong, Faker," remarked Shadow, entering from stage right. "So this is all your doing, huh? You blew it."

"What?" protested Sonic.

"Everyone is going to assume something _is_ going on, you blockhead," snorted Shadow. "There's going to be an uproar!"

"Oh, come on. Nobody's going to assume I'm in love with a human! Or vice versa, or anything!"

"Ya think?" Shadow folded his arms.

"Come on! It's a perfect way to solve the whole mess. If Amy or Blaze or Rouge kissed me, there'd be a huge commotion about an _actual canon couple_. But with Elise, everyone is going to understand it's like that old fairy tale where the princess kisses the frog!"

"Ya thiiiink," drawled Shadow, rolling his eyes.

"Of course! I'll bet you a thousand rings on it!"

"Ten thousand rings says there'll be an uproar," said Shadow, shutting one eye knowingly.

"Ten thousand, darnit!" Sonic stamped angrily. "You'll see!"

(Needless to say, Sonic was not happy after the game came out. I think he _still _owes Shadow a couple hundred rings.)

"Mr. Shadow!" said Cream hastily, trying to break up an imminent fight. "What would _you_ change about this game if you could?"

"The script," said Shadow. "Especially the 'long time no see'."

"Hey, what's wrong with 'long time no see'?" protested Rouge, swooping in from overhead. "That's my line!"

"And it's overused," scoffed Shadow. "I think 'long time no see' has been used nine times in this series already. And that's not counting the _three_ times it's used in this game. I've had it. No more."

"Well why do you think it's used so much?" protested Rouge. "It's a good line!"

"You'd think that," said Shadow drily. "It's one of yours."

"So what? Everyone else says it too!"

"Um . . . guys?" said Cream anxiously, not liking this development. Meanwhile, in the background of the camera shot, Mephiles could be seen, tromping to the right with a sledgehammer.

"Yeah, I like the line," Sonic offered his two cents. "It shows that the games don't just come one right after another. There's time in between!"

"So what?" retorted Shadow. "Who cares if there's space between the games?"

"Where else are people going to fit in their fanfics?" protested Sonic.

In the background, Mephiles could be seen tromping to the left with a sledgehammer.

"Soniiiiic!" scolded Tails, storming in. "You're not supposed to break the fourth wall except in Sonic X!"

"You just broke it yourself by admitting there _is_ a Sonic X!" retorted Sonic triumphantly.

"Argh! Soniiiiiic!"

"Hit him with a wrench," offered Shadow helpfully.

In the background, Mephiles could be seen with scraps of stage foam in his quills, approaching a generator with his sledgehammer. Apparently, he was taking this whole "stop the game from existing" thing very seriously.

"I'm with Shadow on the 'long time no see'," said Knuckles, joining the gathering crowd. "It was cute the first few times, but at this rate people are going to start laughing at us."

"You mean like they're already laughing at _you_ for being gullible?" asked Sonic grumpily.

"Hey! That's just because of Sonic X!"

"DON'T MENTION SONIC X!" hollered a very annoyed Tails.

Meanwhile, in the background, Mephiles had obliterated the generator and was heading for the stage lights. Nobody seemed to be paying him any mind, despite the audible smashing of metal.

"What's this I hear about you talking the director out of letting me kiss you?!" Amy suddenly skidded into the other Mobians' midst, her hammer swinging.

"Look out! She's out for blood this time!" screeched Tails.

"Hey, what's going on?" called Silver, appearing from stage left.

"Settle down, before I singe someone's ears!" warned Blaze, striding in officiously.

"RIOT CONTROL SEQUENCE, INITIATING!" boomed Omega.

Before anything more could happen, a pair of red-and-green demonic eyes suddenly loomed right in front of the camera lens.

"_Yaaaaagh!_" came several startled cries, just before the camera was smashed to bits by a sledgehammer.

* * *

It took a while for the melee to settle down. Mephiles was told off and sent away until his turn to film came. The damage to the sets and equipment was repaired, some grudging apologies were made, and the director, pulling out his last few remaining hairs, started up the day's filming.

It happened to be the scene where Shadow and Rouge meet Team Sonic in the future. That broken glass you see in the foreground was more broken than was originally planned, thanks to Mephiles. Still, it didn't affect the scene much.

The crew always did all their own stunts. There were a few sneaky camera tricks thrown in, of course. Team Sonic's fall from the ceiling after Eggman threw them forward in time was actually filmed in two parts: first a shot of the long fall, after which the threesome landed softly in a large net; then a separate, very short fall from a small platform, with a camera-shake and exaggerated dust to make it look like they'd fallen a long way. Then they were supposed to get their bearings, then meet Shadow and Rouge.

Things were going swimmingly until the last second. Just as Rouge stepped up to the edge of the ledge and started to say her lines, there was a sudden creaking sound, which turned into a sharp groan of warping metal.

"What's that?" asked Tails anxiously.

Suddenly one of the enormous lighting towers toppled right across the shot.

"MEPHILES!" hollered several people both on and off-set, just before the lighting tower smashed to the ground in a shower of sparks. Promptly the entire lighting system blew out, plunging the set into utter darkness.

Some silence. Team Dark's eyes shone faintly in the black void.

"Well, now what?" growled Shadow's voice at last.

"Like I told you," said Rouge. "Long time—no see."


	35. Chip Off the Old Block

**A/N: Major spoilers for "Sonic Unleashed" here! The Hidden Flare asked for an appearance by Chip, so here the little guy is! Man, the pipsqueak's hard to write for. Did I get his personality down okay?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Sonic had just finished his morning run and checked all the usual trouble spots. Eggman wasn't up to anything fishy just yet, it seemed. Sighing contentedly, the hedgehog headed off to find a good place for a nap.

Suddenly something small and purple flew at his head, nearly bowling him over backwards.

"Hey! What in the—?!"

"Sonic! Hey, Sonic!" cried the small purple thing, in a familiar voice.

"Chip?" Sonic pried the flying rodent off his head. "Chip, old buddy old pal! How did you get here?!"

"They let me out of the lockdown every once in a while," said Chip gleefully. "I can't stay locked up inside the planet forever—I have to stock up on chocolate, you know! And I thought I'd come over and see you while I was out."

"Awesome!" grinned Sonic. "Come on, I'll take you to some chocolate and introduce you to some of the guys you haven't met. How long have you got?"

"At least sixteen hours, still," said Chip cheerfully. "Let's go!"

The two friends had a lot of catching up to do. Chip didn't really have the most exciting of developments to discuss—after all, he mainly just hung around as an intangible entity in the planet's core. Sonic had a lot more to say, therefore.

Eventually they found a grocery store in Central City and started looking for chocolate.

"I like this one!" said Chip, grabbing a bar off the shelf and hugging it in his usual hyperactive way.

"How many are you going to need?" asked Sonic.

"Just one! I can make it last for years and years. It kinda—wha's the word?—regenerates."

"I guess there's some perks to being Light Gaia," chuckled Sonic. He licked his lips thoughtfully. "Wish I could do that with chili dogs."

After purchasing the chocolate, they went out to hunt up some of Sonic's friends. Chip knew Tails and Amy already, but he hadn't met Knuckles before.

"Now, fair warning," said Sonic, as they boarded Angel Island. "Don't get too close to that big green rock. That's the Master Emerald, and the Knucklehead usually blows his top if anyone touches it."

"Got it," said Chip eagerly. "Does Knuckles like chocolate?"

"Not that I know of," shrugged Sonic. "He's more into leek buns. And grapes." He cupped his hands around his mouth. "Hey Knucklehead! We're coming up!"

A somewhat frazzled and drowsy-looking red head poked over the edge of the Master Emerald's pyramidal shrine.

"Well, come on up then. No need to shout," grumbled Knuckles. He blinked sleepily as Sonic bounded up the steps, Chip in tow. "Heyyyyy. What's that, then? Don't tell me you got yourself a chao?"

"What's a chao?" asked Chip curiously.

"Agh! It talks?"

"He's not an _it_, he's Chip!" said Sonic. "Or actually, Light Gaia."

Knuckles looked blankly first at Sonic, then at Chip.

"Light Gaia?"

"Yeah, you know! The spirit of light and goodness that battles the evil Dark Gaia and puts the planet back together when it smashes?"

Knuckles folded his arms.

"Just _how_ gullible do you think I am?"

"I'm serious!"

Knuckles laughed.

"Really? You expect me to believe that Dark Gaia is defeated and the stability of the entire planet is ensured by a flying purple hamster with a bunny tail and whipped cream on his head?!"

"I'm norra hamster!" Chip was indignant. "I'm Light Gaia!"

"Yeah, yeah," scoffed Knuckles. "You're cute when you try to be convincing."

"Grrrr . . . " Chip waved his little fists annoyedly. "I'm gonna teach you a lesson!"

"What the—" Knuckles jumped as Chip suddenly dove at his head. "Ouch! Get out of my hair, you little rat!"

"No chocolate for you!" growled Chip, tugging on Knuckles' dreadlocks.

Sonic watched the commotion glumly.

"This isn't really going like I planned . . . "

Eventually he managed to pull Chip and Knuckles off each other, and left as quickly as possible.

"Sorry about that," he said sheepishly to a still-indignant Chip. "Knux can be grumpy if you catch him at the wrong time."

He was a little uneasy about how Shadow would react to the tiny immortal creature, but Shadow was the one they happened to run into next.

"What are you doing out here?" asked Shadow at once, eyeing Chip.

"You know him?!" Sonic hadn't expected that one.

"G.U.N. keeps tabs on these things," shrugged Shadow. "Speaking of, they were hoping for a sample of your DNA, you being Light Gaia and all that. Strictly research purposes, of course."

"Rrrrright." Sonic narrowed his eyes. "Right."

Shadow ignored the suspicious look.

"So, you still haven't said why you're out and about. Is the planet going to break up again?"

"No, I'm here for the chocolate!" said Chip, producing his chocolate bar from an alternate dimension and waving it in Shadow's direction. "You want some?"

"I've got a better idea," said Shadow. "You let me clip off some of your fur for a DNA sample, and I'll give you a Swiss Roll."

"A what?"

"It tastes like chocolate."

"Deal!" whooped Chip at once, before Sonic could protest.

Deftly Shadow had the little flying rodent sit down on a table, then fetched a pair of scissors. He snipped a small scrap of fur from the fluff on top of Chip's head and tucked it into a little twist of paper. Honoring his word, he handed Chip a Swiss Roll. The pastry was almost half as big as Chip himself.

Sonic, however, was not pleased at the idea of G.U.N. messing around with immortal Light Gaia DNA. As Shadow put away the scissors, Sonic caught his eye and gave him the traditional "I've got my eye on you!" gesture. Shadow twirled two fingers at him dismissively, then turned back to Chip. The small purple creature was still clutching the Swiss Roll, eyeing it dubiously. He squeezed it carefully between his paws, seemingly puzzled by the soft feeling. Seen from the outside, Swiss Rolls do look like they'd be hard and chewy, like Tootsie Rolls.

"Go on, eat it," assured Sonic. "It's good."

Making up his mind, Chip crammed half the Swiss Roll into his mouth at once and began to chew. His eyes grew wider and wider, then abruptly he gave a muffled yelp, spun around on one foot, and slumped back onto the tabletop. He didn't move for a while.

"Well," said Sonic. "Either he really likes it, or he really hates it."

"Or he's choking," remarked Shadow, prodding the small rodent's stomach to see if he was breathing.

Chip revived eventually and began to scarf Swiss Rolls like his life depended on it. At last Sonic had to drag him away from there. Shadow gave him a Swiss Roll to keep along with his chocolate.

"The rodent has good taste," he remarked sardonically. Sonic shook his head.

"I really wish you hadn't given him that fur, pal," he said unhappily after they left. "Next thing you know G.U.N.'s going to be churning out armies of Gaia battle clones."

"Don't worry," said Chip, smiling innocently. "When I go back into the planet, I'll disappear, right? So will the fur he took."

"Oh boy." Sonic winced. "Shadow's not going to like that."

"I was going to tell him, but I wanted a Swiss Roll," said Chip contritely.

"Don't worry, it's fine," smirked Sonic. "But I . . . think I'll stay out of Shads's way for a while now."

Sonic made the full rounds, introducing Chip to everybody. Cheese was astounded at meeting another creature his size, and everyone else was pleased to meet one of Sonic's old friends. He got a lot of treats. By the time the rounds were done, Chip was loaded down with the chocolate from the store, the Swiss Roll from Shadow, a chocolate cupcake from Cream, a piece of fudge from Amy, a bag of chocolate M&Ms from Silver, and even a little paper cup of chocolate milkshake from Omega. He was getting somewhat heady from all the sugar.

"Hey, it's Mr. Grumpy Guy again!" he yelped suddenly, pointing. Sure enough, Knuckles was trotting over.

"Go 'way!" growled Chip. "I'll pull your hair again!"

"Take it easy," said Knuckles gruffly. "Look, you small purple thing. I still don't think you're Light Gaia or anything, but I guess we kinda got off on the wrong foot. I, uh . . . heard you liked chocolate, so . . . "

Shaking his head awkwardly, he held out a double-chocolate cookie—the kind with chocolate batter _and_ chocolate chips in it. Sonic, looking worried, shook his head firmly, but neither Knuckles nor Chip noticed. Chip certainly did notice the cookie, however. Wide-eyed, he dropped all the other treats and surveyed the sweet covetuously. Sonic was gesturing furiously now, but Knuckles had already handed the cookie over. Licking his lips, Chip dug in with gusto.

Three bites into the cookie, his eyes crossed slightly, then slid shut. Sonic caught him as he fell out of midair, out cold.

"What happened?" asked Knuckles, startled.

"Congratulations, Knux," said Sonic wearily. "You just managed to put an immortal light deity into a sugar coma."


	36. Do Not Call

**A/N: Just wanted to say a huge thank you once again to everyone who's been reviewing, following, favoriting, etc. And an especially big thanks to those who have been reviewing repeatedly! It's always awesome hearing from all of you. Wielkie dzięki! ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

**And I sincerely hope this chapter doesn't give anyone any ideas! :P**

* * *

Sonic and his friends were not a crew it was wise to mess with. That didn't just apply to regular combat, either.

On this particular day, it was pouring rain on Mobius. The wind was howling, and an occasional flash of lightning rendered the outdoors unsafe for those few maniacs who considered braving the rain. Everyone was stuck indoors, except Knuckles, who was hunched stubbornly under the Master Emerald and wrapped up in an exceedingly large raincoat. He was a tough little guy; weather like this was a mere bagatelle to him.

At Cream's house, a visiting Amy had to prolong her stay more than expected. She and Cream were trying to teach themselves how to needlepoint when the phone rang.

"I'll get it!" said Amy, knowing that Mrs. Rabbit was taking a nap. She picked up the phone. "Hello, Rabbit residence!"

"Hello?" said an unfamiliar voice at the other end. " 'Scuse me ma'am, is your refrigerator running?"

Amy considered, then scowled.

"Ohhhhh, well thank you for asking! Thanks! My fridge has NOT been running, for the last _three days_, which is also how long ago I called you for maintenance! And _now_, when everything inside it is completely spoiled, you have the guts to call and ask if it's running? Well, thank _you_, sir! Thank you very _much!_"

"Uhhh . . . " the voice at the other end of the line sounded somewhat lost.

"Get over here and fix the fridge, or I'll get over there and fix _you!_" warned Amy, and hung up with a vengeance. Cream looked at her with wide eyes.

"What was that for, Miss Amy? Our refrigerator is working just fine! Is yours broken?"

"No, mine is fine too," said Amy, sitting down and picking up her needlepoint. "The guy was prank calling. I've heard of that one—they call and ask if your fridge is running, and when you say yes, they tell you to go catch it."

"Oh," said Cream. She considered. "That was pretty clever of you, Miss Amy."

"Thanks," said Amy, just a little smugly.

Elsewhere, Blaze's phone was ringing.

"Congratulations!" sang the voice on the other end of the line. "You've just won three hundred dollars!"

Blaze blinked.

"From whom?"

"The Central City Secondary Book Club!"

"I'm sorry, that's quite impossible," said Blaze.

"No ma'am, it's the truth! You're our lucky winner!"

"I think not."

"Believe me, ma'am! How would you like to receive your prize?"

"In person, if you don't mind," said Blaze acerbically. "I'm very puzzled as to who gave you permission to give out prizes."

"The president of the Central City Secondary Book Club, of course!"

"_I'm_ the president of the Central City Secondary Book Club."

Silence on the other end of the line.

"Good day," said Blaze, and hung up.

Silver had gotten a grocery-store cell phone a few days ago, just for the sake of having a mobile number; somehow, that mobile number was already known.

"Do not try to hide!" intoned his first-ever caller. "We know where you are!"

"Thank goodness," said Silver wearily. "Because I have _no_ clue where I am myself."

"Wait, what?"

"I've been lost for three hours now. Which way to Wawel?"

"Uh . . . "

"Nevermind, I see a signpost!" said Silver, and hung up.

Unfortunately, the signpost wasn't in any language he recognized.

"Darn," he muttered. "I forgot to get that guy's number to call him back . . . "

Team Dark's shared G.U.N. cell phone really shouldn't have been accessible to the average Joe, but somehow the prank caller got a hold of their number too. Shadow answered.

"You have seven days left to live!" declared the voice on the other end of the line. Shadow blinked.

"What?"

"Seven days," repeated the voice menacingly.

"I'm immortal, you idiot!"

" . . . Oh."

"You want to talk to him, I think," said Shadow, tossing the phone to Omega.

Five minutes later, Sonic was picking up his phone.

"Hello?" whispered the voice on the other end of the line. "Is this the Society for Those With Oversensitive Eardrums?"

"No, but I get that a lot," said Sonic cheerfully. "You probably dialed a seven instead of a four."

"Um—"

"Don't worry, happens all the time!" said Sonic. "We're a laundromat. Wanna try the dry cleaning special?"

"Uhhh—"

"Or can I interest you in a nice fresh lobster? It turned up on the doorstep this morning, with a little 'please adopt me' tag."

Whoever the caller was, he hung up in dismay. Sonic chuckled resignedly, but sighed.

"Don't worry, Snippy." He patted the despondent-looking lobster on the head. "We'll find a home for you soon, I promise."

They never did find out who was making the calls, but it didn't really matter. Whoever it was evidently realized very quickly that crank calling the Sonic crew was a mistake.

* * *

**A/N: By the way, Marine eventually adopted that lobster. And Silver did reach Wawel, but unfortunately his services were no longer needed. Can anyone guess what he was going to Wawel for?**


	37. Oooh, Shiny!

**A/N: Oh my, so many guesses about the last chapter! Okay, so the crank caller was most likely Charmy, who was stuck bored at Chaotix headquarters. Could have been Bokkun down at Eggman's fortress, though. **

**And as to Silver! He was going to Wawel for the thing it's famous for: its dragon! Wawel is a real city, which was allegedly plagued by a dragon in the past. Silver figured he'd help out, since he's used to fighting fire creatures. But these days, the only trace of the dragon down in Wawel is its skeleton! They have it up for display, and it still breathes fire occasionally. So unfortunately, Silver didn't really get a chance to fight a dragon, but he did at least get a nice keepsake photo. ^_^ **

**Don't believe me? Google "Wawel dragon"!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or the game in question! Good game, though.**

* * *

Shadow had always feared this day would come. Omega, with his firm devotion to logic, tried to reason that it wouldn't come. But nevertheless, it came. G.U.N. updated the standard-issue agent cellphones to smartphones, and Rouge discovered Bejeweled.

Well, more accurately, she discovered Bejeweled 3. But who's going to quibble over versions?

Her teammates were there to witness the event. The new smartphone was ceremoniously unpacked from its G.U.N. case, with Omega making derisive comments all the while. He did not appreciate this tiny but highly intelligent competitor; he was beginning to worry he couldn't dismiss it as another worthless consumer model.

"It probably knows more than you do, you know," remarked Shadow, tongue in cheek.

"It is specialized to the point of ineptitude in other areas," said Omega loftily. "Perhaps it contains information, but it does not process it for itself."

"I'm sure it could beat you at chess," countered Shadow.

"But it would fail utterly at regular combat," growled Omega. "It is incapable of battle."

"True, true," said Shadow. "Luckily, I hear the next upgrade is going to include an ionizer. _Extremely_ efficient in combat."

"Hardly," grated Omega. "An ionizer is a device used in air purifiers."

Shadow shrugged. "So maybe I misheard the name. It could have been an atomizer."

"An atomizer is the device found atop spray bottles and perfume flasks."

Shadow said nothing, but his ears flopped sideways.

"Unless you intend to defeat your enemies by evenly moistening them?" continued Omega. He actually sounded innocent.

"Enough, you two," said Rouge, hiding a grin. "Let me see that thing."

Muttering something, Shadow handed the smartphone over.

"Wow," said Rouge, watching the large screen flicker to life. "Not bad!"

She began to tap curiously at the various apps on the touchscreen. Most of them were military in nature, but currently she was more interested in checking the thing for a Chaos Emerald tracker. Shadow watched over her shoulder, as Omega gritted his gears disdainfully.

"I still fail to understand what you meatbags see in that device."

"Plenty," said Shadow. "Small, efficient, _silent,_ no attitude—"

"Give him a break, Shadow," scolded Rouge, still fiddling with the touchscreen.

"And _also_," continued Shadow, unfazed, "It has a built-in GPS. And email and texting. And games and statistical software and—"

"Jewels," interrupted Rouge, her eyes growing wide. "So. Many. Jewels!"

"What?" asked Shadow, getting a sinking feeling.

Sure enough, when he looked at the phone screen, Rouge had opened a game of "Bejeweled." The window was studded with sixty-four brightly-colored jewels, complete with shimmers and a lovely translucent effect. Rouge tapped the screen to swap one jewel with another, creating three in a row. As the matching trio disappeared, the jewels over it dropped in to take its place, dragging more jewels in from the top of the screen.

"Endless . . . supply . . . of jewels . . . " Rouge's ears were skewed oddly.

"You know, I don't think that's a good idea," said Shadow, taking the phone away quickly.

It did no good. By the end of the day, Rouge had commandeered the phone and was sunk deep into the marvelous jewel-swapping game.

"She'll get tired of it eventually," sighed Shadow, trying to block out the endless _swish! clink! clinkclinkclink!_ of the jewels disappearing and falling in an endless cascade.

Omega snorted, which really shouldn't have been possible for a robot.

"You organics have exceedingly weak wills. Addiction and obsession seem to come much too easily to you."

"Oh, and I suppose you're immune to those things?" said Shadow drily.

"Affirmative. You would not see me behaving in such a fixated fashion."

"Then I guess I was imagining things last Fourth of July," remarked Shadow. "You remember, they had the fireworks show and you—"

"We had agreed not to bring that up," warned Omega. Shadow chuckled silently.

Rouge did not get tired of it, eventually or otherwise. She shook herself out of the trance for missions, just barely, but every moment she wasn't actively on-duty, she was poking intently away at that phone. Oh, and she did sleep too. Sometimes.

"Rouge, you've got to quit," growled Shadow one evening, tapping her on the shoulder.

"Mmm?" said Rouge, not looking up.

"The game is taking over your mind."

"Mmm."

"Are you even listening?"

"Uh-huh."

"Good, because we're under attack," said Shadow.

No response.

"They're coming in through the doors and windows."

"Mm, 'kay."

"And they're smashing all the computers and pouring Gatorade on Omega's head. And Omega's just trapped one of them under a laundry basket and is trying to poke him through the holes."

"Mmm-hm."

Shadow threw up his hands in defeat and stomped off.

About fifteen minutes later, Rouge finished a level and looked up, puzzled.

"Gatorade?"

The problem extended into Rouge's entire life. All her friends began to notice.

"How long has she been like that?" asked Knuckles, as Rouge sat at the table and tapped along obliviously. Most of the Mobians had gotten together for lunch, but Rouge didn't seem to be much into it.

"A long time," said Shadow resignedly. "You might as well eat her lunch. She won't be touching it."

"Is that so?" said Blaze. "Do you suppose we should attempt an intervention?"

"Be my guests," said Shadow, waving a hand.

Sonic tried first.

"Hey Rouge," he said, tapping her arm. "Mind if I put salt in your coffee?"

Rouge mumbled something highly incoherent in reply.

"Is that a yes?"

"Mmm."

"Okay then, I'm salting it!" announced Sonic, picking up a saltshaker. "For real, Rouge. I'm not kidding."

No reply.

"Seriously? Last call! Snap out of it, or I'll throw in the salt!"

Still no reply.

"You asked for it," sighed Sonic, and began to apply salt liberally to Rouge's coffee. Rouge still made no move to stop him.

"You're wasting your time," said Shadow. "She's not actually going to drink it."

"Unbelievable," said Sonic, shaking his head.

"I have an idea," said Blaze suddenly. The others glanced at her expectantly.

"I heard Marie Curie's sisters did this once," continued Blaze, picking up a chair.

The others were surprised that this kind of idea would come from Blaze, but they weren't about to object. Gathering up all the lightweight plastic chairs they could find, they stacked them into two tall towers on either side of Rouge.

"We're going to stack them over your head now, all right?" said Amy.

"Hhm."

"So don't lift your head, okay?" warned Amy, and grabbed more chairs.

They expertly stacked more and more chairs over Rouge, forming a sort of arch. When she still failed to react, they took to decorating the chairs with doilies and artificial flowers and ribbons and other things they hunted up in random places. It was very artistic.

When they ran out of decorating ideas, they sat and waited. Sonic took a swig of coffee and gagged—some wise guy had switched his coffee out for Rouge's salted cup. Meanwhile, Rouge kept tapping away, until the smartphone suddenly gave her a low-battery warning. Sighing resignedly, she closed the game, turned off the phone, rubbed her eyes—and lifted her head. She was met by an avalanche of chairs.

"Wh-what the—"

The others collapsed into laughter. Snorting, Rouge shook ribbons from her ears and got up.

"That's stupid," she remarked scornfully, and left.

It didn't help a whit. As soon as the phone was recharged, she was back at it.

At length, with some effort, the others managed to separate her from the phone for a little while. The girls tried to give her a homestyle talking-to.

"Enough is enough, Rouge," said Blaze firmly. "You cannot let that phone rule your life!"

"We miss you!" said Cream plaintively. "You never do anything with us anymore!"

"And it's just not healthy," agreed Amy. "Your eyes are all bloodshot, and your hair is a mess! You were always so careful about your appearance, and now just look at you!"

Rouge listened to all this with a sulky expression.

"Look here girls, are you finished?" she asked at length. "Give me a freakin' break, all right? I'm eighteen. I make my own choices. If I choose to play a phone game, that is none of _your_ business, you dig?"

"But _Rouge_—"

Meanwhile, the guys were examining the anatomy of the phone.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Silver, as Shadow opened a game of Bejeweled.

"Know thy enemy," muttered Shadow. "We've got to figure out how to rig this thing."

"What if it takes over your brain too?"

"I'm not jewel-obsessed," retorted Shadow. He looked up. "But all the same, if I start getting all beady-eyed, hit me on the head and take the phone away from me, all right?"

"With pleasure," assured Omega, lifting one arm to be ready.

"You needn't be quite _that_ eager," smirked Shadow. He fiddled with the main menu. "Shoot, no wonder this thing takes up all her time. There are eight different variations of the game!"

"We can't hack all of them," said Tails worriedly. "Does she have a favorite version?"

"Yeah, Zen," said Shadow. "Most of the other games have time limits, or at least require strategy and thought so you don't lose. But the Zen game is all about being relaxed and just swapping those darned jewels, forever and ever." He selected that game mode. "Let's see. There's the jewels, and there's an extra jewel necklace to the left. No wonder she likes it. There's also a lot of options here . . . " His eyes lit up suddenly. "Interesting. Here's something called 'subliminal messages'."

"Okay, that sounds _scary_," said Tails.

"It's optional," said Shadow, fiddling. "You can set it to send you messages like 'weight loss' or 'positive thinking'." He chuckled slightly. "Or also 'quit bad habits'. Too bad it doesn't work on itself."

"Why not _make_ it work on itself?" said Tails eagerly. "I can reprogram it to send a 'stop playing this game!' message!"

"Can you?" asked Shadow. He handed the phone over. "Knock yourself out, kid."

Tails' fingers flew over the phone's touch surface, his tongue tucked into the corner of his mouth in concentration. He'd never worked with smartphone programming before, but luckily the game's programming was not too drastically different from the norm.

"Got it!" he piped at last. "I see how this works! The messages are sent via ghostly white text that flashes very briefly on the screen. You can't really tell what it says, but supposedly the message reaches you anyway."

"Hang the technicalities," grumbled Knuckles. "Let's get out of here before Rouge comes back."

After that, everyone waited a few days to see if the subliminal messages worked. Apparently, they did not. Rouge seemed just a little puzzled for a while, and occasionally squinted at the screen as if she had glimpsed something unusual. Eventually she turned off the "subliminal" option so she could see the messages plainly printed. She was not amused.

And yet, she kept playing. Her friends were starting to wonder if it wasn't just to spite them all for trying so hard to make her stop, but either way it didn't matter. She just kept on and on and on.

At length things reached the breaking point. Rouge had always clawed her way back into reality whenever she heard the word "mission," but today she didn't. Shadow came to tell her they were wanted in Station Square that night, and she didn't even respond.

"Omega?" said Shadow quietly, glancing back at the robot. "Hold her."

Things got somewhat violent. It said something about Rouge's moxie that it took the Ultimate Life Form and the self-proclaimed Ultimate Robot to wrangle a phone away from her without injury. But at last Omega clutched the struggling bat firmly but gently in both hands, and Shadow began to fiddle with the phone.

"Don't you dare delete the game!" growled Rouge, her heels digging into Omega's hull viciously. "I swear I'll damage someone."

"Not very Zen of you," remarked Shadow.

Rouge struggled harder, causing Omega to tighten his grip slightly.

"Ouch!" Rouge yelped. Concerned, Omega loosened his grip again—and Rouge sprang from his hands like a bar of wet soap.

"Gimme that!" she yowled, diving at Shadow's head.

"Catch!" cried Shadow, throwing the phone to Omega just as Rouge drove him into the ground. Omega caught the phone deftly.

"DESTROY!" he roared, and crushed it to smithereens in one hand.

"Omega!" cried his teammates, dismayed.

"You weren't supposed to _kill_ it!" growled Shadow. "We still need a phone!"

Omega was unconcerned. He glared at the mass of shattered plastic and silicon in his fingers.

"Long have I waited for this day, varlet," he intoned.

Shadow dragged one hand down his face wearily.

"Oh, for the love of _Mike._"

* * *

G.U.N. was not happy. Team Dark was threatening to be a budget liability, at this rate.

"Well, we've got another phone," sighed Shadow, returning from the supply station. "But they didn't have any new ones, so they gave us an old one." He held out a cell phone identical to their old one from before the upgrade. "We'll be stuck with a sub-level phone until the next upgrade, which might not be for years. But there's _no_ Bejeweled."

"Shut up," said Rouge sulkily. She was still mourning the loss of her game. "Anyway, it's _your_ fault the smartphone got destroyed. If you didn't keep trying to scare Omega with it, he wouldn't have been so all-fired eager to smash it."

"You assume that I am apprehensive," scoffed Omega.

"Aren't you?"

"Negative. I am not unnerved by these inferior models. But in the event that I do become obsolete, I will step down."

Rouge gave Shadow a look. Shadow rolled his eyes resignedly.

"I never actually said you were going to be replaced, did I?" he sighed. "Obsolete or not, you're essentially stuck with us for life."

"And I am supposed to find this cheering?" said Omega drily, struggling not to visibly perk up.

"Whatever. Either way, you're not becoming obsolete until they develop a smartphone with sarcasm and severe temper problems," smirked Shadow, and ducked.

"Good grief." Rouge rubbed her temples. "I was hung up on that game for more than three weeks. In that amount of time, _h__ow_ did you two not kill each other?"


	38. Doppelganger

**A/N: Short-short, putting it up because I haven't been posting for a few days. I'm afraid this is going to have Pokémon references! Anyone seen the first movie?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Pokémon! Or _Bambi_, come to think.**

* * *

Charmy and Marine were big Pokemon fans. They both had enormous trading card collections and played against each other furiously, and they played the games and watched the movies when they could, too.

"Hey Cream!" called Charmy one morning. "Do you wanna come over to Chaotix headquarters for a movie tonight? Vector took me to the library in Station Square, and I got the very first Pokemon movie, full-version!"

"Full version?" asked Cream, puzzled.

"Yeah! When the movie first came out, they cut a huge section off the beginning 'cos it was sad. But this DVD has that one included!"

"Sad?" said Cream. "Is it really really sad?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen it. But it couldn't be worse than _Bambi,_ right?"

Cream considered, then nodded. She had lived through _Bambi_, more or less, and she did want to understand Charmy and Marine's Poke-chatter better.

"Okay, I'll come! As long as it's not too bad."

"You can leave if it's too much," promised Charmy.

Tails came that evening too; the kids had decided to make it a full-scale sleepover. Espio was there to supervise them, and Vanilla came over to help. Vector suddenly volunteered as well, of course.

Charmy slipped the DVD into the player excitedly, then the kids settled down with popcorn and began to watch.

The movie was indeed sad in places, but there was something else that the kids couldn't help but notice. It was the main character, Mewtwo. He seemed familiar . . .

Charmy had been scarfing popcorn at the movie's beginning, but soon he began to eat slower and slower, and at last stopped entirely, a handful of popcorn halfway to his mouth. The others looked similarly dismayed.

When the movie ended, Tails slowly got up, picked up the DVD package, and checked the production year.

"1998," he said flatly. "Mewtwo came . . . first." He rounded about to look at the others.

"We don't tell Shadow any of this, do we?" asked Charmy.

"None of it," agreed Tails.


	39. ATSH FAQ

**A/N: Anyone here a fan of SonicSong182's YouTube series, "Ask the Sonic Heroes"? It's like some of the question-asking fics and forums on this website, or some of the other series on YouTube, but it far outshines its competitors. It's very natural, very energetic, and very well-done; the voice actors are practically professionals, and the sound quality and drawings are expert-grade. Not to mention the questions and answers are ad-libbed so well that you could have sworn they were scripted! **

**Anyway, I love that series, and I sometimes poke at the YouTube page where people ask their questions, just to see all the funny stuff people ask. Some unanswered questions just keep coming back over and over . . . so I thought I'd take a shot at answering them here! Can't say I've done justice to the fun and liveliness of the actual show, though, so check them out if you want the real deal.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co, or Minecraft, or MLP!**

* * *

When filming "Ask the Sonic Heroes," the first problem was usually finding a time that fit everyone's schedules, so they could all get together and run the interview peacefully. After one incident where Vector was in a hurry to get back to a case and bowled over one of the cameras, they made sure to pick times that would be entirely peaceful.

Even then, it was hard getting many of the interviewees to cooperate. Team Rose always arrived bright and perky, all spruced up for the camera. The S-Team (Sonic, Shadow, and Silver) always arrived digging in their heels and like-as-not getting dragged by the ears. You could hardly blame them; they always got all the worst questions from the fans. As the series progressed the questions only seemed to get more embarrassing, and dragging the three hedgies together grew harder and harder.

Then somebody got the genius idea to haul the three of them in for a "frequently asked questions" session. Looking through the stock of questions on the YouTube page, Rouge and Amy had realized that some questions just got asked over and over. So many people had asked them that Amy and Rouge didn't even bother reading the names anymore; they just kept a tight lid on their guest stars and started asking.

"First question," said Rouge, trying to sound cheerful. She was really hoping this session wouldn't end in injury. "Sonic, what happened to Sally?"

"Who?" asked Sonic, blinking.

"Sally."

"Oh, gosh . . . " Sonic was evidently wracking his brain. "Geez, somebody jog my memory here, I, uh, kinda don't remember . . . man, sorry, I just run around and meet so many people all the time, I can't remember if I ever met a Sally. I'm sure she's really nice and all, but I just don't—"

"She's your girlfriend," interrupted Silver cheerfully.

"My _what?!_"

"Your girlfriend! In an alternate dimension. The comics and SatAM and stuff," continued Silver. "You're real sweet on her there. Amy usually doesn't exist or is just a side character. In the comics she and Sally kinda compete."

"Izzat so . . . " Sonic was looking a little pale at the prospect.

"He's been drinking lemonade again," said Shadow glumly.

"Uhh . . . let's move on," said Amy, more than a little weirded out. "Next question! Tails gets this one a lot, but all of you three have got it too. Do you like Minecraft?"

"Never heard of it," mumbled Sonic, evidently still trying to process the whole Sally idea.

"I play it sometimes," shrugged Silver. "Don't see why it matters."

"Never played it myself, but Omega used to," said Shadow. "Then he got fed up and blew up a G.U.N. computer. He doesn't play it anymore, now."

"I remember that," said Rouge, wincing. "Poor computer didn't even have time to scream."

"It was asking for it," grinned Shadow darkly.

Rouge shuddered.

"All right, next question." She read it and chuckled. "Uh-oh, Sonic."

"I'm outta here!" yelped Sonic, attempting to bolt from his chair. Shadow caught him by the elbow and swung him back into his seat calmly.

"Traitor," muttered Sonic.

"What did you expect?"

"A-hem?" Rouge cleared her throat impatiently. "All right, Sonic. Fans have been asking you to kiss . . . " she trailed off and scanned the list, then looked up with a wry grin. "Maybe it'd be quicker if I told you who you _weren't_ asked to kiss?"

"Oh, sweet _Mobius_," groaned Sonic, covering his eyes. Suddenly he seemed to gain resolve all at once, and slammed his hands down on the table in determination. "You know what? I'll do it."

"You will?" asked Amy hopefully.

"Yup. But I'm gonna do it _right_. I'm gonna try it the _special_ way." Abruptly he disappeared under the table and started to rummage around. Heaven knew why there was such a lot of junk stashed under that table, but every now and then a coathanger or fuzzy slipper or potted plant would fly out from under the tablecloth.

"What are you doing down there?" asked Rouge.

"I'm gonna go the whole hog!" Sonic's muffled voice came from below. "Forget the old standard kissing. I'll give everyone the Kiss of Death!"

He emerged from below the table, in a long black hooded cloak that covered his face in shadows. He was also carrying a scythe, Grim-Reaper-style.

Several scattered yelps, and most of the interview party fled. Shadow remained, though, scrutinizing the spectral figure thoughtfully.

"Cousin?" he said at last.

At length the cast was herded together again, and the interview resumed.

"Technically, Shadow and Silver get a lot of the same question," remarked Rouge. "But I think we can do without two more Grim Reapers running around."

"I dunno, I kinda like that costume," said Silver.

"Next question!" sang Amy hastily. "Oooooh, Sonic! This one's for you! Tons of people asked: How many kids would you want, and what would you name them?"

"Uhhh, what?!" yelped Sonic.

"They probably want to know what to name their OC's," said Silver drily.

"Well, Sonic?" asked Amy, fluttering her eyelashes. "What's the answer?"

"Uh, hum, well," choked Sonic, trying to ignore the sardonic grins Shadow and Silver were exchanging. "I think I'd like . . . twins."

"Really?" squeaked Amy.

"Yeah, and I'd call them Abby and Gabby," continued Sonic. "Or if they were two boys, Peter and Moskeeter."

"What?!" Amy yelped.

"Or if it was a boy and a girl, Rack and Rackette," said Sonic, perfectly serious.

"_What kind of names for kids are those?!_" hollered Amy in dismay.

"Or who knows, maybe we could go overboard, have hundreds of kids," continued Sonic, waving a hand. "We could call them all Sonic Jr., except one that we called Nemo."

"I'm starting to reconsider marrying you!" warned Amy despairingly.

"Oh, really?" Sonic raised his eyebrows in innocence.

"All right, all right, that's enough," laughed Rouge. She wasn't the only one amused. "Looks like you'd better be the one naming the kids, Amy."

"Maybe four boys," volunteered Sonic. "And call them John, Jacob, Jingleheimer, and Schmidt. Or three girls, Anna, Roxana, and Banana."

"Be serious, would you?!" growled Amy.

"Next question," said Rouge soothingly. "Next question. All three of you: What do you think of My Little Pony? Sonic, specifically Rainbow Dash?"

"Let's not get into that again!" said Sonic hastily. "I've already said how I feel about it. No more."

"I like 'em okay, though," said Silver.

"I move that we bring in Rainbow Dash as a guest star," smirked Shadow.

Seeing that Sonic's ears were beginning to lay back dangerously, Rouge figured it really might be a good idea to move on.

"Funny you should mention guest stars," she said, examining the questions sheet. "This question is _huge! _So many different variations! People are suggesting teams or guests we can have on the show. People want to see Metal Sonic, Classic Sonic, Manic, Sonia, Sally, Sonic-dot-EXE, Tails Doll, Mephiles, Mighty, Ray, Tikal, Eggman Nega—wow! And also, everyone and their second cousin wants an OC on the show."

There was a bit of silence.

"We don't really accept guest suggestions," said Amy flatly.

"But there have been so many questions," sighed Rouge. "People just keep asking and asking."

"Don't do it!" advised Shadow. "You'll open the floodgates. Once you cave, people will never stop asking."

"Besides, how would you choose which guests to invite?" asked Silver. "You'd hurt people feelings if you took one request and not another, but you can't invite all of those guest stars!"

"Oh?" said Rouge. "Actually, I'm afraid we already did."

Suddenly there came a thundering at the door.

"Don't let them in!" gasped Silver, just as the doors flew open on their own and a flood of creatures came piling through. Aside from all the requested characters, there were thousands upon thousands of OC's. Half the crowd looked a lot like Sonic, and another half a lot like Amy, and another half a lot like Shadow. On top of that fractional anomaly, the remainder was made of Tails clones and assorted crazy species, including many wolves. The hordes were massive, and they just kept pouring through the door in a babbling swarm. The original interview cast was forced to take shelter under the table to avoid being crushed.

"How many _are_ there?" asked Silver, peeking out from under the tablecloth.

Sonic appeared to be in a state of shock. He was huddled against one of the table's legs, shivering and holding his head.

"Fakers . . . Fakers everywhere . . . " he mumbled, his eyes glassy.

"You're one to talk," snorted Shadow. "You're part of the problem."


	40. Egg Yolks

**A/N: Well, it's the big Four-Oh! Goodness gracious, about to hit two hundred reviews . . . Once again, a huge thank you to everyone who's been reviewing, especially repeatedly! I really can't say enough about all you guys. But your reviews always make my day. ^_^**

**Now, better buckle on some helmets for this chapter . . . there will be puns! Thanks to ABCSonicKirbyWarriors for the story suggestion, and to VlogBrothers and various other sources for some of the puns!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

"Incoming! Incoming!" Tails was running around his workshop like a madfox, adjusting dials, typing inputs, and grabbing readouts. "Eggman invention incoming!"

"What's up li'l bro?" asked Sonic, materializing in the doorway. "Eggman? Eggman's up to something?"

"Sensors say he's got a new invention!" yelped Tails, getting one leg tangled in a long strip of data printouts and hopping around trying to disentangle himself. "He'll be releasing it in no time!"

"Take it easy, Tails," soothed Sonic, catching him before he tumbled over. "As if the Egghead could come up with anything we can't handle!"

"I dunno, Sonic," said Tails. He finally managed to kick the coil of paper off his foot. "Sensors say this one will be a doozy!"

"Well then, let's get going!" whooped Sonic, and whizzed out the door.

Seconds later he was back again.

"Ah, which way was it s'posed to be?"

They eventually found Eggman's flying fortress, hovering over a fairly desolate area. Silver came swooping in too, having received Tails' warning call. Sonic scoffed.

"Aw, come on. It's not like we're gonna need an army to take out one liddle biddy Eggman robot!"

"It's gonna be a doozy, Sonic," warned Tails, squinting at an array of portable sensors and scanners he had brought along.

"Besides, I don't get enough Egg-scrambling action in," said Silver cheerfully.

Tensely, they waited for the flying fortress to make a move. At last a sliding panel on the bottom opened, and something round and metallic tumbled out. It flashed in the sunlight briefly, then hit the ground with a clang. Perfectly egg-shaped and about as tall as a large bookcase, it lay there silently on its side. Sonic, Tails, and Silver waited. For quite a while.

"Doozy, huh?" said Sonic.

"Sensors indicate trouble!" warned Tails doggedly. "I wouldn't go near it So—Sonic! Don't!"

Ignoring Tails, Sonic trotted over and poked the smooth side of the giant metallic egg.

Abruptly two metal-lidded eyes flew open, causing Sonic to jump back warily. Two rabbit-like feet popped out from the bottom of the egg, and the whole device began to rock gently, then wildly, trying to wobble upright. Sonic and Silver started to laugh; even Tails was struggling to keep a straight face.

"Definitely dangerous," grinned Silver, stepping over to help the robot onto its feet. "If you stand too close, it'll tip over and fall on you!"

Suddenly Eggman's voice boomed from overhead, emanating from the speakers built into the flying fortress.

"Better not laugh yet, you puny rodents!" Eggman hollered. "Behold! My magnificent Pun-Spewing Egg!"

"Say wha'?" called Sonic.

"Hey," spoke up the egg suddenly, making everyone jump at the sudden metallic voice. "What do candy bars and modern music have in common?"

"It talks?" said Silver. Meanwhile, Sonic unwisely took the bait.

"Okay, tell us. What do candy bars and modern music have in common?"

"To properly enjoy them, you have to get rid of the rapper!" replied the egg.

"Oh, good grief," groaned Silver.

"No, that was pretty good," grinned Sonic. "But seriously Egghead, is that the best you can do? You must really be running out of ideas now."

"Just you wait and see!" cackled Eggman, and steered his flying fortress away, leaving the Pun-Spewing Egg and three puzzled Mobians behind.

"A man went out and bought himself a very fancy wig," chattered the egg. "Now back then, wigs were expensive. The guy wore the wig all day, but he took it off at night so he wouldn't ruin it. While he was asleep, someone came and stole the wig to resell it. When the guy woke up, he just sighed and said, 'hair today, gone tomorrow!' "

Sonic stifled a snicker.

"Take it easy there," he warned the egg good-naturedly. "I'm supposed to be the expert on bad puns around here."

"Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from jail?" continued the egg firmly, following after Sonic on its rabbit-feet. "He's a small medium at large!"

"I've had it!" groaned Silver, covering his ears. "Make it _stop!_"

"This is getting to be too much," agreed Tails, grimacing.

Sonic was amused, though. Tails and Silver left, dragging Sonic resolutely with them, but the egg trotted along behind them, still yammering.

"There was an extremely old building in Europe that had been expanded many times over the centuries. Parts of the building were built in the medieval style, parts were Gothic, parts were Baroque, parts were Tudor, there were even some totally modern parts. However, its latest owner was an elderly eccentric who was obsessed with the Baroque style of architecture, and only liked the Baroque part of the house. Now, being huge and ancient, this house often needed repair. Things kept breaking. But the owner didn't bother to repair most of the house; he just said, 'if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it!' "

"Stop it! Just stop it!" wailed Tails, tugging on his ears in despair. "Silver, can't you do something about that thing?"

Nodding, Silver lifted a hand, which began to glow blue-green. The Pun-Spewing Egg also began to glow blue-green, as Silver lifted it off the ground and attempted to crush it with his psychokinesis. Nothing happened.

"Two goldfish were in a tank!" announced the glowing egg brightly. "And one of them said, 'do you know how to drive this thing?'"

Sonic was flopped on the ground laughing by now, but Silver was far from amused.

"I can't do anything with it!" he gulped, his eyes wide. "Usually my psychokinesis can scramble a robot's insides, but it doesn't do a thing for this one! And the shape makes it almost impossible to crush, too!"

He dropped the egg none too gently back to the ground, hoping to crack it, but it bounced to its feet and continued to chatter away.

"What did the oxygen say when it got turned into water? 'To think that I would be reduced to this!'"

Tails suddenly burst out laughing.

"Whaaa?" asked Silver, giving the little fox a puzzled look.

"Sorry, sorry," gulped Tails. "Science joke." He choked down a fit of giggles. "Hee hee hee . . . Reduced to this . . . "

"This," said Silver, arms folded grimly, "is getting out of hand."

They went looking for Amy, wondering if her hammer could do some good. In the end, the Pun-Spewing Egg wandered off and found Rouge instead. It cornered her by the library.

"Howdy ma'am!" it hollered. "I see you've come to see the tallest building in town!"

"What?" asked Rouge blankly.

"It's got the most stories!"

Rouge looked the egg up and down.

"What even are you?"

"Rouge!" shouted Silver, running in. "Don't move! We'll save you from that thing!"

"Hmph!" Rouge folded her arms. "Please. Do I look like a damsel in distress?"

"What dress? You're wearing a jumpsuit!" said the egg jovially.

Rouge eyed the contraption grimly.

"One of yours, Tails?"

"No way. Eggman's."

Nodding, Rouge dove at the Pun-Spewing Egg and dealt it a Screw Kick. The egg wobbled dangerously, but seemed undisturbed.

"Gosh, ma'am," it sighed admiringly. "You're stunning!"

"Seriously!" Rouge dug her fingers into her hair. "What _is_ that thing? Make it stop!"

"We're trying," sighed Silver. "We're trying."

"And it looks like the whole process is very trying," said the egg sympathetically.

"_You're_ trying," growled Silver.

Amy was the next person they met. Once they told her about the egg's peculiar habits, she didn't want to get anywhere near it. But she did agree to hurl her hammer at it from a distance. Swinging it around and around her head like an Olympic hammer-thrower, she flung the huge Piko Piko hammer in the Pun-Spewing Egg's direction. It connected with a mighty _clang!_, and the robot fell over. For a long time it was absolutely silent. The others dared to venture closer.

"I was wondering why that hammer seemed to be getting bigger," remarked the egg suddenly. "And then it hit me."

Despairing groans all around.

They went to find Shadow. He wasn't interested.

"I'm keeping a neutral relationship with the Doctor just now," he informed them coolly. "If it isn't threatening anyone's safety, I see no reason why I should antagonize its maker by destroying it."

"But—but—" began Tails.

"Don't try to reason with him," sighed Silver, walking away.

"You're giving up?" protested Tails.

"Not exactly," said Silver. He returned a few minutes later, herding along the Pun-Spewing Egg.

"Howdy!" hollered the egg cheerfully. "Did you hear about the guy who mugged the Energizer Bunny? He's facing a battery charge!"

Shadow gave the jabbering robot a grim look.

"Didja hear about the rubber-band gun that got confiscated in algebra class? It was a weapon of math disruption!"

"Does it ever shut up?" asked Shadow.

"Speaking of shut up!" chortled the egg. "Didja hear about the guy who sued a briefcase company? It was an open-and-shut case!"

"You know what? I've changed my mind," said Shadow, charging up a Chaos Spear.

"I had a racing snail," the egg averred glibly. "I took off the shell to make it faster, but instead now it's more sluggish!"

Shadow Chaos Speared it. The cloud of smoke cleared, and the egg emerged entirely unharmed. Shadow's eyes flew open wide.

"Whaddaya get when you Chaos Spear a French bathroom?" chirped the egg. "Linoleum Blown-Apart!"

"It's using my own freakin' weapons against me . . . " hissed Shadow, backing away. "What _is_ it?"

"It's an egg, it's annoying, and it's totally indestructible," sighed Tails.

Sonic's friends did their level best. They attacked that egg with everything they had, including Chaos Blast. They even tried attacking it all at once, and gave each other a fine set of headaches. But the egg itself remained undamaged.

"I see what it is," moaned Tails, as everyone sat about regarding the egg in glum defeat. "Eggman's invented a truly indestructible robot. But making it indestructible is so complicated that he couldn't add any battle features, so he just made it tell puns. And it worked; he's going to drive us all insane, and there's nothing we can do about it!"

"What do Orcs say when you catch them?" babbled the Pun-Spewing Egg. "Nothing! They just scream bloody Mordor!"

"I'll never watch _Lord of the Rings_ again," groaned Silver.

"I don't know what you're all complaining about," said Sonic cheerfully. He'd been unaffected, through all this. "I like these puns!"

"Oh, is that so?" Shadow swung up onto his feet. "All right, Faker. That makes you the beast's official caretaker. Get it out of here. Take it somewhere where it won't make anyone suffer."

"You don't like it?" said Sonic, bewildered. "Are you sure you don't want it to stay?"

"Heck no! Begone with it, Faker. Take that egg and beat it."

There was a chorus of gasps.

"Oh no!" wailed Tails. "Not you too!"

"What?" Shadow turned to Tails blankly.

"The malady is catching!" yelped Knuckles. "Kill it before it spreads any further!"

"What?" repeated Shadow. "Hey! What do you think you're—" The rest of the question was lost as most of the others lunged at him, intent on eradicating the punning bug.

Ignoring the general chaos taking place, Sonic nudged the Pun-Spewing Egg in the direction he wanted to go.

"Well, guess it's just you and me now, eggy. Let's go. I'll find you a nice home in a TV studio, and you can come up with puns for the episode titles."

"I was at a TV antennas' wedding once," remarked the egg. "The ceremony was nothing much, but the reception was great!"

"Look out!" warned Sonic, as the egg missed its rabbit-footed step and tumbled down a small hill. Of course, it was undamaged.

"This reminds me of my grandad," it sighed, lying peacefully on its back. "When he got sick, my grandma rubbed his back with butter. After that he went downhill very quickly."

Chuckling, Sonic trotted over to help the egg up. As he did so, he noticed a peculiar shape on the instep of the egg's left rabbit-foot.

"Well whaddaya know," he murmured absent-mindedly, pushing the Pun-Spewing Egg back upright. "An 'off' button."


	41. Piece of Cake

**A/N: Okay, another idea by ABCSonicKirbyWarriors! Hope you like. :) And two announcements:**

**One, I've got a new poll up on my profile! There's a small critter in one of my future stories that needs a name. Drop by and pick one out if you like!**

**Also, I've been asked twice by now for Cream to interview Elise as well as the rest of the Sonic '06 cast. I'd love to do that, but I'm having a hard time coming up with questions. So, what would you guys like to have Cream ask Elise? Anything goes, just keep it classy. Thanks! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

As you might expect, the episodes of "Sonic X" you see weren't all that ever happened during that time. There were plenty of little behind-the-scenes dramas and melees.

One particular day while Chris was at school, Amy decided she wanted to bake Sonic a cake. When baking cakes for Sonic, one did not go by halves; the bigger and sugary-er, the better. Ella didn't have enough flour and sugar in the kitchen to satisfy Amy's demand for them.

So Amy asked Chuck to take her to the store. Chuck, who was in the middle of some mechanical paradise with Tails, was a bit reluctant to go, and suggested she just make a smaller cake.

"But it has to be a huge one!" protested Amy. "A little cake won't be enough for my Sonic!"

"Don't you think you're overdoing it?" said Chuck just a little wearily.

"Overdoing it?" screeched Amy. Out came the hammer, barely missing the head of Sonic, who had just come in through the door.

"Gah," he gulped, jumping to a safe distance. "Take it easy, Amy."

Amy tossed aside the hammer resignedly.

"Pleeeease, Chuck? Please?" she pleaded. "Just this once?"

Chuck sighed and heaved himself out of his chair.

"All right, little lady. I'll drive you to the store. Cream too?"

"Yes please, Mr. Chuck! I want to help!" sang Cream.

Knuckles was lounging outside, sunning himself. He opened one eye grumpily as a whole crowd came piling out of the garage, chattering. Amy and Cream were carrying on about the grocery list, and Sonic and Tails seemed to be excited over some minor matter. There was quite a din being created.

"We're going to the store, Mr. Knuckles!" sang Cream. "Are you coming?"

Knuckles glanced at Sonic and Tails, who were chattering a mile a minute.

"I'm coming," said the echidna firmly.

They had to get Chris's old booster seat for Cream to sit in. She held Cheese firmly in her lap for safety, and the chao in turn clutched the grocery list. Amy fidgeted in the adjacent seat, while Knuckles clambered into the front passenger seat.

"I think you're too short," ventured Chuck, seeing that Knuckles' nose was pointing squarely at the glove compartment.

"The airbag warning says "thirteen or older," pointed out Knuckles stubbornly. "I'm sixteen."

Chuck shrugged and let it go. After all, the airbag warning was to protect small children from getting hurt by the impact if the airbag opened. Knuckles was tougher than a thirteen-year-old in a suit of medieval armor; no airbag was going to hurt _him._ So they drove to the store with Knuckles scowling sternly at the glove compartment all the way.

They made it there in one piece. Chuck was about as laid-back as a fellow can get, but the Mobians managed to get even him a little frazzled. Amy plowed through the store searching for ingredients, and huffing annoyedly at the curious stares other shoppers gave her. Cheese found the candy aisle and nearly lost his little chao mind; Cream had to struggle to pull him out of a container of bulk licorice. Meanwhile, Knuckles wandered about boredly, eyeing the various products.

He perked up abruptly when he saw the produce section, where there was a huge mound of exceedingly tempting bagged green grapes. Knuckles glanced back at Chuck, who was helping Cream weigh a bag of licorice quickly before Cheese could devour it. The echidna sighed. He was too proud to ask like a little kid, but those grapes looked so good . . .

Chuck noticed the echidna's longing look, however.

"Sure, go ahead and grab some," he chuckled. Grinning his thanks, Knuckles went over to select a bag of grapes from the display. He reached as high as he could . . . which happened to be no higher the bottom of the pile. The minute he pulled out one bag of grapes, the entire stack collapsed and tumbled to the floor, mostly on top of one unfortunate echidna.

"Mr. Knuckles!" gasped Cream. Chuck tousled his hair and sighed wearily.

At last they got everything straightened out and headed home. Amy was loaded down with grocery bags, Knuckles was most definitely not amused (but still clutching his bagged grapes possessively), Cheese was stuffing himself with licorice, Cream was treading carefully so as not to set off any perilously balanced tempers, and Chuck was by then properly frazzled.

Knuckles was getting tired of scowling at the glove compartment; it was not the most thrilling view. He tried and failed to see out the window, so he twisted around to look through the back window instead. In the process he noticed that Cream was glancing at him and Chuck hopefully, looking like she wanted to say something.

"What?" he asked.

"Are we going home now, Mr. Knuckles?" asked Cream plaintively. Knuckles rolled his eyes.

"No," he snorted wearily. "We're going to that California place Chris told us about."

"The one that's miles and miles away?" Cream gulped. "You don't mean that."

"Nice to know _somebody_ picks up on subtlety around here," sighed Knuckles, turning back to the glove compartment. Chuck laughed wearily, reminding himself resignedly that a carload of squabbling Mobians was still more interesting to have around than no Mobians at all.

Once they got home, Amy set eagerly to work on her cake. Sonic was nowhere to be found, but he showed up just as Amy finished frosting her creation.

"Where have you been, Sonic?" protested Amy.

"Ah, took a quick run," said Sonic, stretching. "Swung by California."

"Well, you're lucky the cake didn't get stale," Amy sighed.

Sonic jumped.

"Cake?!"

"Yes, see? I baked it just for you!"

"Aghh! The cake is a lie!" hollered Sonic, and shot out the door.

"Soniiiiiic!" Amy wailed. "Ugh!"

"Well," said Knuckles flatly, looking up from the kitchen table. "All _that_ for nothing. He probably thinks you put a love potion in it."

"Ohhh," grumbled Amy. "What'll I do with this cake now?"

Knuckles licked his lips, eyeing the sugary delectable.

"I've got a pretty good idea."


	42. It's in Your Nature

**A/N: Well, I guess now we know that nobody reads the author's notes! :P But I'm gonna keep blabbing on anyway. Mwahaha, et cetera! (I think Halloween is getting to me.)**

**So, I know this story's been lagging a bit lately. There's this weird thingy they tell me is called "real life," and I'm also posting a horror story for Halloween, so probably no updates here till after that. Still have a few ideas left, though! **

**Now for this one, I was worried at first that Tails was OOC. But then I thought back to "Sonic Colors," and saw the cutscenes for (woo!) "Sonic Lost World," and I realized, nope. This is perfectly in-character. XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

After running, defeating Eggman, and eating chili dogs, Sonic's favorite thing to do was nap. He did it a lot. He napped in the oddest places, in trees, on benches, on top of dresser drawers. He needed to stock up on energy for all that running.

Tails and the others understood about the biological necessity of so much sleep, but it could be irritating. Sometimes you really really needed Sonic awake, and he wasn't. And wouldn't.

Tails and Knuckles were looking for him one day, and found him sprawled under a tree, snoring. At that particular moment they wanted him conscious, so Tails called his name and tugged his arm. All he got was a faint stirring and some incoherent mumbles uttered from the depths of sleep. Knuckles poked him with his knuckle-spikes and at last punched him lightly, which woke him a little.

"Whaaaa? Wha's happenin'?"

"For pete's sake, they should call you the Laziest Thing Alive," snorted Knuckles. "Are you the same guy who does all that running stuff?"

"Don' worry, I'll feed it in the morning," mumbled Sonic, his eyes already sliding shut. Tails and Knuckles exchanged disgruntled looks. As Sonic resumed snoring, Tails went off to get a video camera. Returning, he cleared his throat and assumed a deep, peaceful voice, like the narrator of a nature documentary.

"Deep in the uncharted wilderness of the Mobian meadow," he intoned, filming a dandelion, "countless mysteries of the natural world remain undiscovered." He panned the shot cinematically to Sonic. "Among the most elusive and fascinating of them all, the Cartesian Ground-Dwelling Sloth—a creature so rare, many still believe it is a myth."

Knuckles watched with amusement as Tails continued.

"This jungle-dwelling animal is notoriously inactive; local legends often portray it as physically incapable of moving. In truth, its only form of defense against the outside world is its masterful use of mimicry."

Tails zoomed in a bit, focusing on Sonic's ear, which conveniently happened to twitch at the time.

"Skillfully displaying its blue fur, it looks exactly like Sonic the Hedgehog, and fools predators into leaving it alone. In this rare footage, captured after months of searching, the sloth lies languidly in wait . . . unaware of Mobian presence."

He glanced to Knuckles, who obligingly whipped out the little cowboy hat he had kept from his Classic days and jammed it onto his head. Flopping down on his stomach in the grass, he propped himself up on his elbows like the star of a wildlife TV show, sneakily watching a skittish wild animal.

"We have here a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," he said to the camera in an exaggerated whisper. "We are fortunate enough to be witnessing the territorial display of the Ground-Dwelling Sloth, never before recorded! Like the song of a sparrow or the howl of a howler monkey, the call of the Ground-Dwelling Sloth marks out its territory to other sloths. Notice here its perfect imitation of a dozing hedgehog, as it gives its territorial cry."

They both waited in silence, as Sonic continued snoring lightly.

"It's not going to reserve much territory," deadpanned Tails.

"Doesn't need much," Knuckles grinned. "It's not going anywhere."

Tails struggled to stifle his laughter enough that it wouldn't be picked up by the camera. Abruptly, one of Sonic's eyes slid open.

"You guys are real funny, you know that?"

"Uh-oh." Tails gulped and backed away nervously. "Uh, we—uhh—"

He hadn't gone two steps before Sonic leaped up with a growl and tackled him.

"So, I betcha thought we _sloths_ were vegetarians, huh?" he scowled.

"A-aren't you?"

"Nope." Sonic grinned and began to tickle his little brother mercilessly. "Now, do you want to be lunch, or should I save you for dinner?"

"Ack! Stop, stop!" pleaded Tails between fits of giggles, flailing. "Soniiiiiic!"

Knuckles surveyed the scene morosely.

"Poor sap," he sighed, removing his hat and pressing it to his heart. "I've had it with this job. You hire these young camera-guys and they're so eager and full of life, and then they just get eaten by the sloths."


	43. This is Halloween

**Well, I'm back from the dead! Sorry for the long wait, folks. Posting horror story, RL, and half the cast was sick on candy anyway. Hope you guys all had a good Halloween?**

**So, first off, new cover picture courtesy of a friend of mine. Many thanks to them! **

**Second off, another friend of mine, smileaway96, has a new profile poll just longing for some friendly voters. Also some extremely awesome stories, so you should definitely swing by for a look if you're interested! **

**Anyway, it's a little late for this, but here's a bit of a Halloween special! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

"Go easy on the fake blood, Sonic," sighed Amy, watching Sonic applying his disguise.

"Oh, come on. You gotta have fake blood to look evil!"

"Up to a point," scolded Amy. "When you overdo it, you just look like you've fallen into a cherry pie."

Sonic scoffed, but looked into a mirror and decided Amy had something of a point. By the way, he was going as Sonic .EXE, the evil Sonic lookalike from the creepypasta. He had originally tried to paint red pupils onto a pair of black sunglasses, but everyone just kept mistaking him for Elton John. Then Tails got the idea to paint Sonic .EXE's eyes onto Sonic's eyelids, so Sonic could just close his eyes to look exactly like EXE. This worked amazingly well, except that Sonic tried it out too much before the paint dried and got his eyes stuck shut.

The others had all come over before trick-or-treating. The costumes were a motley lot. Tails was dressed as Captain Kirk, Amy was wearing her old Nimue costume from "Sonic and the Black Knight," Big was wandering around dressed as Totoro, and Cream and Marine were pirates. Cheese was wearing a little beak as Cream's parrot. Unfortunately, Charmy had dressed up as a ninja, so he and Marine spent the entire evening arguing about pirates versus ninjas. Espio, meanwhile, was wearing a trenchcoat as Inspector Colombo, and Vector was simply wearing a headband with fuzzy-tipped wire antennae. He was there mostly to supervise the youngsters while they went out for candy.

"Hey, hands off!" warned Rouge. "You can't just take those."

Knuckles paused in the midst of taking an apple from a wooden tub full of water that Tails had set up.

"Why not? They're here for eating, aren't they?"

"No, it's bobbing for apples," said Rouge. "You have to grab an apple from the water with your teeth."

"You're kidding."

"No, she's right," said Tails, strolling over. "Want to try?"

Knuckles raised an eyebrow, but crouched down and snapped half-heartedly at one of the apples. It slipped out from between his teeth easily. Several attempts later, he hadn't even come close to getting one, but he was clearly getting more and more determined to do so.

"It's not as easy as you think," said Tails, smiling. "There's a trick to it, though."

"Don't tell me, I'll figure it out on my own," grumbled Knuckles. "I'm not going to get outsmarted by a bucket of apples!"

"At least you hope so," grinned Rouge.

"Oh, don't be smart. Let's see you grab one!"

Rouge shrugged, but leaned quickly over the water and snapped up an apple lightly. Knuckles blinked.

"How? . . . "

Rouge smirked, revealing one unusually sharp canine.

"It helps to have a bat's set of teeth," she said, and began to eat the apple nonchalantly.

Knuckles sighed in resignation and went back to grappling with the remaining apples.

Just for anyone who's curious, nobody was quite sure what Knuckles was supposed to be dressed as. He was wearing a very fluffy blue hoodie, with two close-set eyeballs on top of it. When asked, he refused to tell anyone what he was aiming at, but sometimes muttered that he was hungry. As to Rouge, her sense of irony was very healthy. She had fastened feathers all along her wings and was wearing a loop of gold wire over one ear and a nightgown over her usual outfit.

"Avast, ye swab!" growled Marine, chasing Charmy around. She had just lost an unreasonably vicious game of beanbags to the little ninja bee.

"Hey guys, take it easy!" called Silver, who was wearing a somewhat clumsily basted homemade Superman costume. "We're heading out now!"

"Woohoo! Candy!" whooped the youngsters, barging for the door. Most of the older Mobians were going too. Amy was last out of the house—or so she thought. At the last minute she backtracked and poked her head back in.

"Hey Knuckles, come on!"

"I'm gonna get one if it's the last thing I do," growled Knuckles, seemingly not hearing her as he snapped uselessly at one of the smaller apples.

"Come on, you'll get the apples later," scolded Amy, grabbing Knuckles by the arm and pulling him out the door.

The little party got itself organized into two groups. Vector was supervising one, while the ever-sensible Blaze was supervising the other. She hadn't planned to dress up, but seeing that everyone else was in fact wearing a costume, she accepted Cream's little interview microphone and claimed she was Lois Lane.

"So where are Shadow and Omega?" asked Silver.

"Shadow's picking up Maria," said Rouge. "He'll be here soon. Omega's still working on his costume, I think. He's making it himself this year." Shaking her head, she motioned the others closer and lowered her voice. "By the way, he's trying to be a swamp monster, and from what I've seen, it is _not_ as scary as he was aiming for. Could you all maybe cut the poor guy some slack? Just act like the costume's scary." She tousled her ears resignedly. "Or at least don't laugh."

"Oh dear," giggled Amy.

"Hi guys!" squealed Maria, dashing into their midst suddenly. She was wearing a little jacket that looked sort of aviator-ish, and a pair of Tails' flight goggles. Shadow and Omega materialized out of somewhere as well.

"Good grief," said Sonic under his breath. Either Omega's judgment on what Mobians found frightening was a little off, or he just wasn't good at making costumes; he looked like a cross between a weeping willow and a sheepdog.

"Uh . . . very frightening, Omega," said Blaze politely, as Vector firmly clamped a hand over Charmy's mouth to stifle the little bee's giggles.

"Scaring me to death," agreed Amy with a straight face.

"Hey, no costume Shads?" asked Sonic, surprised. "You wore one last year!"

"Yes," said Shadow acerbically. "As I recall, I rubbed chalk in my fur to make it gray and gypsum in my stripes to make them white, and put a bit of white plaster over my mouth to hide it. And everyone kept trying to _kill_ me!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that." Sonic scratched his ear, grinning. "That was awesome."

"No, it was not. No more. Not this year."

"But you can't get candy without a costume!"

"Just watch me."

"Hey!" called Rouge. "I don't want to see you swiping whole bowls of candy off people's front porches again this year, you hear me?"

"Better close your eyes, then."

"Get back here!" hollered Rouge, as Shadow disappeared in a dark blur. "The rule is ONE piece of candy per house, Shadow the Hedgehog!"

Groaning, she waved to the others.

"I'm going to have to split off from you guys, okay? Shadow will be pillaging any candy left unattended, and Omega tends to reflexively shoot anything that startles him. Which includes any Halloween decoration that makes a sudden noise." She grimaced. "We've had to skip the Parkers' house every year ever since he blew up half their front porch."

So saying, she disappeared off after her teammates.

"Boy," said Vector. "It makes looking out for Tails and Charmy seem like nothing."

The trick-or-treating went pretty well. Charmy and Marine were still arguing, so they wound up competing to see if pirates or ninjas could gather more candy. Rouge and Shadow did their best to forewarn people to be "frightened" of Omega's costume, while Rouge was also trying to keep Shadow out of people's candy bowls. Apparently folks in the area were catching on; every year fewer and fewer people were leaving unattended candy on the front porch. Meanwhile Cream was startled by a talking zombie mannequin in somebody's front yard, but rather than going into a fit of hysterics threw Cheese at it and broke its head off. Being a kid in the Sonic crew was a weird experience.

At last everyone headed back to Sonic's house to examine their loot. Charmy and Marine set to work counting out their pieces of candy individually, and were dismayed to find they had gotten exactly the same amount—not surprising, really, since both their groups went to the exact same houses. They started to argue over who got better quality instead. Amy disappeared into the kitchen and came out with a box of caramel apples she had brought along and stored in the fridge. Knuckles went right back to apple-bobbing.

"You sure you don't want me to tell you the trick?" asked Tails dubiously.

"Forget it," scowled Knuckles. "Just you wait, I'll get one."

"Why no' just get a car'mel one?" Sonic managed to ask through a mouthful of sticky goodness. Knuckles, his muzzle underwater, grumbled something unintelligible.

"I'll never understand you boys," sighed Amy glumly.

"Likewise, I do not believe I shall ever comprehend organics in general," grated Omega. "Your aesthetic sense is clearly incompatible with my systems."

Shadow and Rouge exchanged glances from across the table where they were playing poker for candy. Evidently somebody somewhere had told Omega something, despite their efforts.

"Don't worry, Omega," said Maria shyly, patting the robot's arm. "I think your costume is very scary. I bet everyone else does too."

"Which is why I do not comprehend you," Omega grumbled. "I had been attempting to achieve a humorous effect."

Shadow smacked his forehead wearily as Rouge, one hand clamped over her mouth, tumbled silently out of her chair.

Meanwhile, the last of the caramel apples had been scarfed down, so Amy went to the kitchen to get the second box. Knowing Mobian appetites, she had brought two. Just as she was turning to close the refrigerator, a ghostly face appeared above the door.

"Yipe!" yelped Amy, and threw a jar of mayonnaise at it. Her aim was very good.

"Oww!" cried the ghost, tumbling back onto the floor.

"Back from whence you came!" hollered Amy, sending a head of lettuce after the mayonnaise.

"Ouch! Amy, it's me," protested Sonic, pulling off his mask.

"Yeah, I know," retorted Amy, producing her hammer.

"Oh man." Sonic scrambled to his feet and shot back to the living room.

"Hold still just a minute there, Sonic!" ordered Amy, pursuing him determinedly as he others quickly got out of the way.

Somewhere in the course of the altercation, Sonic dodged the hammer by a hair's breadth and instead plowed straight into Knuckles, who was in turn thrown against the edge of the wooden tub. The jolt was a bit much for it, so it proceeded to flip onto its side and send a deluge of water and apples across the living room.

"Aw, great," groaned Sonic, shaking water from his quills. Meanwhile Knuckles pulled loose an apple that had somehow gotten between his teeth and sat up, looking like he had some choice words to say. Suddenly he stopped and looked at the apple in his hand.

"Hey," he said, his eyes lighting up. "I got one!"

* * *

**Say, just curious: Did anyone catch the joke with Team Chaotix's costumes? And what are Knuckles and Rouge dressed as, what was Shadow last year, and what pop song is related to Silver's costume? (It would make a great theme for him, by the way). If you think you know, or just want a hint or the answers, shoot me a PM! (Not in the reviews please, that's not allowed!) I have some small prizes in mind if anyone can guess all of them correctly, too. Happy late Halloween! :)**


	44. We Don't Need No Education

**A/N: Change of plans! The answers to the trivia in the last chapter will be posted next chapter, for anyone who wants to see them.**

**Also, plot here based on an idea from smileaway96!**

**And to guest reviewer Yelhsa, thanks very much for the review! Don't worry, I guess not having an account calls for an exception to the "no interactive reviews" rule. Again, answers in the next chapter. And Silver's very proud of his little Superman costume! It was a lot of work for him. No amount of psychokinesis can save you from poking yourself with the sewing needle. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.! Also, I've got nothing against high school fics per se, but they have to be well-written. And that's a rarity.**

* * *

"Come on guys, come on," sighed Knuckles, herding along Marine and Tails. "I know you have your own stuff going on, but we really need to start practicing the script for the next story."

"I bet I'm not even in it," grumbled Marine, dragging her feet. She'd been in the middle of a gripping pirate book.

"There you are!" called Sonic, waving. The whole crew was clustered in a field, and Sonic was handing out copies of the script.

"What's the verdict?" Knuckles called back.

"High school story," replied Sonic.

"Oh boy."

"Hey, what about my script?" asked Vector. Sonic checked the character list at the front.

"Man, sorry Vec. You're not in this one."

"I'm never in the high school fics," Vector grumbled.

"That's 'cos you're too old!" sang Charmy.

"Stow it kid," retorted Vector, reddening. "_You're_ too young."

"Yeah, but I'm cuter!" said Charmy smugly.

Rolling his eyes, Vector went off to join Omega and Big under what was grimly referred to as the "Tree of the Unloved." Marine spent a fair amount of time there herself, but this time she got lucky and got a script.

All required actors sat down and began reading over their lines. There was silence for a while, save for the turning of pages.

"So, is everyone getting all this?" asked Sonic at length. There was a chorus of half-hearted "mm-hm"'s and some timid nodding. Sonic was not fooled.

"Yeah, no." He stood up. "Okay, let's work through this group-wise. Maybe we can figure it out."

"Okay, first thing I'm getting is that we're in high school," said Silver.

"And I get paired with Son-ic!" sang Amy happily.

"And also with me," said Shadow drily.

"What?!"

"And with me," said Knuckles. "Although_—_wait_—_bleh_—_I thought I was paired with_—_"

"Me," put in Rouge. "And I'm stuck between you, Shadow, and Silver."

"I thought I was with Blaze!" protested Silver.

"No, that's at the beginning. Then you dump Blaze and start dating Amy for a while, then me."

Silver's quills bristled out furiously, but he held his tongue for the time being.

"Blaze switches to Sonic," remarked Rouge, paging through the script.

"How are you even keeping track of all this?" demanded Amy.

"Probably she's been reading romance novels," grinned Knuckles, then ducked hastily. "Take it easy, I was kidding!"

"Hold on, hold on," Sonic scruffed his fingers through his quills. "Everyone keep calm till we figure out all these love triangles."

"You call that a triangle?" grumbled Silver.

Tails counted in his head for a moment.

"Actually, I think that's an octagon."

"Which, coincidentally, is the shape of a stop sign," growled Shadow. "I'm staying out of this."

"I'm glad they're leaving me alone," said Charmy happily, watching a trail of ants in the grass instead of reading his script.

"They're not," said Tails. "You and I are both in octagons with Cream and Marine, plus it looks like I get some kind of kid crush on_—_" he checked the script and shuddered. "Must be a typo."

"Nope," said Rouge glumly.

"Wait, I'm in an octagon?" yelped Charmy. "No! I don't wanna!"

"Would you prefer a nonagon?" sighed Tails.

"Wait, wait!" cried Cream suddenly, cutting into the rising commotion. "We have the wrong script! There are lines here for a person called Sally, and we don't know anyone called Sally."

"She's that one from the other dimension," corrected Silver. "I guess they'll be bringing her in somehow to be in an octagon with_—_" he checked the script "_—_Sonic, Shadow, and Espio."

"That can't be an octagon," said Tails grimly. "Octagons are two-dimensional. If we bring in Sally, who's from another dimension, that'll be a _three-dimensional_ shape!"

"Dodecahedron," volunteered Omega from a distance.

"Thanks," said Tails. Then he considered and slapped his forehead. "On second thought, no thanks."

Meanwhile, Knuckles was paging through the script, looking puzzled.

"Guys?" he said. "This is a high school story, right? How come there aren't any bits about classes in here? I mean, when you're in high school you go to class, right?"

The others also began shuffling through their scripts, searching.

"Oh! We're missing pages," said Amy. "Look, here it says that we're heading to class, right at the bottom of the page, but on the next page it's already after classes! Does anyone have the pages about the classes?"

There was a chorus of "no"'s all around.

"That's some oversight there," sighed Rouge, pulling out Team Dark's G.U.N. cell phone. "Give me a sec and I'll call the director."

She dialed, waited, and then argued for a while before finally getting to speak to the director. She let him know about the missing pages in the script, but he didn't seem to agree.

"Wait, what?" said Rouge, blinking. "You mean there never _were_ any classes in the script? But this is high school! You're supposed to get educated in high school!"

Some chattering on the other end of the line.

"So you're saying," said Rouge slowly, "that in this high school there isn't actually any learning going on? Well . . . okay then. 'Ta."

She hung up, then immediately dialed again.

"Hello, Mobius Board of Education?"

* * *

It was a long and unpleasant afternoon. The crew did their level best to make sense of the script, but in the end just decided to learn the lines and ignore whether they actually understood what was going on or not. Shadow refused to practice any lines; he just glared sullenly at anyone he was supposed to exchange words with. Charmy, displeased at his six-year-old self being corralled into mushy romantic relationships, adopted a similar tactic. The really interesting part came when the script called for a conversation between Shadow and Charmy.

"Come on you guys, be nice and say your lines," sighed Blaze. Charmy stuck out his lower lip and gave Shadow a particularly evil-eyed look. Shadow raised one eyebrow, then pointedly returned the glare. Charmy, with a muffled yelp, dove behind Espio.

"Guyyys," protested Sonic. He glanced over to where Amy, Tails, and Cream were performing their lines operatically (Tails in Italian, no less) and tugged at his ears wearily.

"Okay Charmy, how about you do the scene with Marine?"

"What scene with Marine?" asked Charmy, who hadn't been at all studious about reading his script.

"The one where you kiss her."

"WHAT?!" howled Charmy and Marine simultaneously.

"I don't want any cooties!" protested Marine. "I'm not kissing anyone! No way!"

"Me neither!" agreed Charmy.

"Oh, you two will change your minds in a few years," sighed Blaze.

"Well, a few years isn't now!" scowled Charmy. "I quit!"

"Me too!" averred Marine, and tossed her script into the air. Charmy did likewise, then grabbed an unsuspecting Espio's script and sent it after the other two.

"Hey, hold on there_—_" began Sonic to no avail, as the kids began to run around gathering up people's scripts and tossing them skywards one after another. A few of the other Mobians, also disgruntled, threw caution to the winds and started helping. The air was getting thick with fluttering paper. Sonic plunked down and regarded the deluge resignedly.

"Is it just me, or is this whole thing going to take a while?"

Shadow surveyed the mayhem still playing out before them.

"Nah, it's probably just you."


	45. Price of Fame

**Answers to the Halloween questions here, as promised!**

**1. Team Chaotix was dressed up as each other! The amazing thing is, that wasn't pre-planned. They didn't even realize it till Amy pointed it out!**

**2. Knuckles was dressed as Cookie Monster! And ate his Halloween candy like you'd expect, in that kind of costume. XD**

**3. Rouge was dressed as an angel! **

**4. Shadow went as Mephiles last year. **

**5. Annnnd the pop song in question was "Superman" by Five for Fighting! It's a perfect song for Silver. :)**

* * *

**Replying to guest reviews!**

**Yelhsa: Thanks very much! "Dodecahedron" is a real shape, featured in ****_The Phantom Tollbooth. _And I'm glad you think Omega's staying in-character! He's so much fun to work with. ^_^ Silver the Psychokinetic Spider-Hog sounds great! They should make a plushie of that.**

**LGYCE: Thanks for the review! Glad you liked. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

When you were with G.U.N., you never knew where you'd end up next. Shadow found himself stationed halfway around Mobius in an old-fashioned city, with narrow cobblestone streets and chilly gusts blowing between the antique-looking buildings. With a little knit cap jammed over his ears for warmth, Shadow strode down the streets looking for a tailor he was supposed to contact. Keeping a low profile in this city was difficult . . . apparently he was well-known even out here. The problem was, back near his usual haunt everyone was used to him, but out here people would see him and get . . . rather excited. He took all the attention coolly, but he was getting a little worn-out.

Sure enough, as he brushed past a young female mongoose, she suddenly gave a little gasp and whirled around, her eyes shining.

"Why—you're—you're—"

"No, I'm not," said Shadow hastily, noticing the thick spectacles hanging on a cord around the mongoose's neck. If she was nearsighted, maybe he could convince her that she'd been mistaken and avoid an awkward session of giddy squealing. He was in a hurry.

"But you're—"

"I'm not."

"No you _are!_"

"I'm not, really," said Shadow, backing away. He removed his cap out of habit, forgetting that it might make him even more recognizable. The mongoose stared at him in amazement for a second.

"Oh, but you look just like him," she breathed.

"Do I?" asked Shadow, feigning surprise. "You're the first one that's said that, ever."

"Yes really, look," she said, and pointed to a shop window. Shadow squinted at his reflection, dodging the occasional passerby.

"No, I don't really look like him—my stripes are lighter," he declared at last. "And the nose—"

"Hmm, yes, it's very—" the mongoose waved a hand abstractly, her mind seemingly elsewhere.

"But I s'pose you'd know him better," remarked Shadow slyly.

"Nothing of the kind," said the mongoose primly. "He's only a casual acquaintance."

Shadow almost snorted; the mongoose was certainly no acquaintance of his, casual or otherwise. All the same he played along.

"Well, that's what you say," he said knowingly. "I've been hearing things."

"Really now, sir," the mongoose smiled in return, visibly pleased. Shadow shrugged and made a leaving motion, to indicate he wished to be off. The mongoose nodded in understanding, but before turning to leave she carefully put on her spectacles and gave Shadow a long hard look.

"You don't look like him at _all_," she declared at last.

Shadow's mouth twitched, but he said nothing, instead jamming his hat back on and striding onwards down the street. A few steps later though, he turned back to glance at the retreating mongoose in silence.

"She looks more like him than _I_ do," he muttered at length, and continued on.


	46. Swap?

**A/N: Well, learn something new every day! No more British humor. What would poor John say if he knew how I'd botched his scene? XD**

**Guest reviews!**

**Yelhsa: Thanks for the review! Heh . . . Shadow. She thought he looked like Shadow, and by the time he was done convincing her that he _wasn't_ Shadow, she decided he really didn't look like Shads. :P **

**LGYCE: Yup, I reply to reviews. :) I'll keep replying for now, and we'll see how it works out, hm? Thanks for reviewing! Always appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Team Dark and Team Chaotix were a somewhat belligerent bunch. No Sonic team was free of squabbles, but sometimes it seemed like those two gangs in particular were bickering almost non-stop. Espio and Rouge probably felt it the most; Espio's nerves were always being worn down to nothing by Vector's bossing and Charmy's hyperactivity, and Rouge was always trying to keep her teammates off each other's throats.

So bad things were bound to happen when Espio and Rouge ran into each other in a convenience shop. The next thing anyone knew, there was talk of a trade.

The idea went down well with pretty much everyone, actually. Rouge and Espio were both quite sure they'd have it easier on the other team, and their respective teammates were also interested in a change. They agreed to trade Espio and Rouge for two days, then get back together and see what they thought.

Well, you probably know how these stories go. Usually both parties realize they had it waaaaay better in the original setup and are very eager to get back to their usual roles. Nothing of the kind here, though!

Granted, there were a few glitches. Rouge and Vector clashed a bit at first, since both of them had somewhat overbearing and/or bossy personalities. And since Shadow and Omega weren't over talkative, and Espio wasn't either, Team Dark was starting to look like the Sounds of Silence. There were a few severe mix-ups due to lack of communication.

Very quickly though, the problems were sorted out. Vector was allowed to call the shots on the general course of action, while Rouge directed the details of the procedure. Shadow and Espio both eased up slightly on the silent act, so the team graduated from Sounds of Silence to Monosyllable City.

Two days later, as planned, both teams met up again.

"It's working for me," said Rouge bluntly.

"I'm also enjoying it, actually," admitted Espio. "G.U.N. missions are well-suited to my abilities."

"And Rouge is gonna teach me how to fly faster!" sang Charmy excitedly.

"Then it looks like we're all happy with the current setup," said Shadow. "We'll meet again in two days."

So they met again as planned. Still they weren't tired of the trade, and waited two days more. At that point, they realized something concrete had to be done.

"We've either got to trade back, or stop treating this as temporary," announced Vector, as the two teams faced each other. "It seems to be working out really well for all of us. What do you say we transfer Espio and Rouge permanently?"

"It does seem to be a good setup," said Shadow tersely. "Very well then."

"Okay, so let's shake hands on this," said Vector, extending a hand. "All of ya, this is your last chance. Before we seal the deal, are there any objections?"

A bit of silence. Some tugging of ears and twiddling of fingers. Shadow was already reaching out to shake Vector's hand when Omega suddenly interrupted with a sharp snapping of gears.

"As the teams currently stand," he warned, "we are left without a flight unit. It is unfair to us."

"Point," said Shadow wearily. "We haven't needed a flight unit as of yet, but we will eventually."

"Well Charmy, would you be willing to help 'em out?" asked Vector. "What say guys, we'll trade Charmy for Omega?"

"Satisfactory," grated Omega.

"I guess," said Charmy.

So Omega stepped over to Team Chaotix's side, and Charmy buzzed over to Team Dark.

"Hold on," said Rouge. "This still isn't fair! _W__e_ don't have a speed unit!"

"I'm sure you'll manage," shrugged Shadow.

"Ohhhh no, you're not gypping us out of a properly balanced team!" warned Rouge. "Here, send Espio thisaway, we'll trade you Vector."

Once that was carried out, they assessed the teams again. Unfortunately, now Team Dark consisted of Shadow, Vector, and Charmy, and they complained they were getting the raw end of the deal because _all_ the computer hackers were now on Team Chaotix. So they traded Omega with Vector this time. This setup should have been fine, except—

"Hey!" wailed Charmy. "You're not gonna leave me alone with _them_, are you? They're scary!"

Shadow and Omega exchanged "who, us?" glances as the others groaned. Charmy utterly rejected the arrangement, however, and stubbornly left his place on Team Dark to latch onto Vector's arm. When it proved impossible to cajole him into going back, Rouge shrugged and took his place as Team Dark's flight unit.

"All right," sighed Vector at last. "Are we done now? Or are there still objections?"

A bit of silence. Shadow looked around and opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again.

"Well, since nobody has any problems . . . " shrugged Vector, and shook hands with Shadow to clinch it.

"That was a lot of wheeling and dealing just to wind up with the original team arrangements," remarked Espio under his breath.

"Hush," Rouge whispered back. "I don't think they've caught on yet."


	47. If You Like Pina Colada

**A/N: I couldn't resist . . . this is kind of a continuation of the last chapter. There's a secret background joke worked in . . . :)**

**And thank you very much to both guest reviewers!**

**Yelhsa: Couldn't agree more! Teams Chaotix and Dark are perfect the way they are, but practically polar opposites. They'd mix like oil and water. ^_^**

**Guest/LGYCE: Good point there; that would definitely explain why none of them were in "Sonic Lost World"! I can just imagine the director calling "Okay, let's get Team Chaotix on the set!" and getting Omega, Vector, and Rouge instead. XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

The whole team-trading affair was quickly forgotten by Team Chaotix; they'd gotten through it with no major shakeups. Charmy was even extra-nice to Espio for a few days to indicate his satisfaction with the results. For Team Dark, however, the attempted rearrangement had sowed the seeds of discontent, and it seemed to be the middle of the growing season. Squabbles became even more frequent then usual, but even that was nothing compared to the unspoken dissatisfaction soaking the air in between arguments.

Rouge didn't even realize it, but she had started keeping her eyes open for a new position. G.U.N. had a webpage where individual agents and teams could post "personal ads" of sorts: advice on techniques, requests for informal training meets, announcements crowing that such-and-so team had set some new agency record or reached some goal. It was surprisingly informal, for an organization as serious as G.U.N.

But then there was that one post that caught Rouge's eye.

"Small G.U.N. team, seeking flight unit," it read. "Extensive experience and combat skills preferred. Good working conditions, non-lethal combat and spy missions only. Switch to lethal missions negotiable. Non-intrusive teammate relationships, independence encouraged. Background, reputation, scruples not important."

Rouge sat and stared at the post for while, torn. Darn, that was tempting. Most G.U.N. teams didn't even have or _want_ a flight unit—after all, most G.U.N. agents were humans! Having another team calling for a flight unit was practically a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and the conditions sounded great. Better, she had to admit, than what she was stuck with now.

But she already had her own team, and they were going to be seriously disadvantaged if she left. With all due modesty, G.U.N.'s only all-Mobian team wouldn't have become the pride of the agency if not for Rouge and her flight skills. She couldn't just skip out on her teammates like that, could she?

Yeeeeah . . . she could. Glancing over her shoulder furtively, Rouge hit "reply."

"Interested in position," she typed. "Years of combat and spy experience, seasoned flyer, exceptional speed, strength, and agility. Strong nerves, tough/assertive personality. Non-lethal missions preferred."

She bit her lip, wondering if she should add that she was a skilled hacker and safe-cracker. Nah . . . they had said that they didn't care about background or morals, but all the same admitting that she was a part-time thief would do nothing to recommend her case. Reading over the message again, she posted it.

She said nothing of the matter to her teammates, obviously, but it made her jumpy as a cat. She waited till Shadow and Omega were both elsewhere to check if there was a reply.

There was.

"We are interested in your offer. Your qualifications are ideal. Are you willing to meet for a formal interview at seven PM tonight in the front western rec room of the HQ building?"

Rouge swallowed. Things were going rapidly downhill . . . at this rate there'd soon be no turning back. But by gum, she'd do it!

"I'm willing," she typed back. "How will we recognize each other?"

Almost immediately a reply popped up.

"I'll be sitting on the green sofa by the domino table."

"All right," Rouge typed back. "You can't miss me. I'm a Mobian. White bat in a black-and-pink jumpsuit."

She thought that was all, but another reply came back.

"Oh, are you Rouge the Bat?"

Rouge suppressed a smirk. No big surprise they'd heard of her before. She was the only bat in G.U.N., and a darn good agent too.

"Yes. I'm flattered you know me," she typed back coyly. "What's your name?"

There was a longer-than-usual pause before the next reply.

"Shadow, actually."

Rouge's hand met her forehead a little harder than was necessary.


	48. Scrounge? Scoruge? Scrooge?

**A/N: Ideas for this chapter are from Fairyhaven13! ^_^**

**Thank you to all guest reviewers!**

**Yelhsa: Yup, Shadow was trying to replace Rouge with a flight-capable agent from G.U.N. The background joke is that Rouge is the ****_only _flight-capable agent in G.U.N. . . catch my drift? ;) The pina colada reference is actually from an eighties song with a similar joke. Good guesses, though!**

**LGYCE: Don't worry, I guessed it was you that time. :) Glad you liked the chapter!**

**Guest: Yup, Portal reference back there. Never played the games, though. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Just your usual morning on Mobius; blue hedgehog dashing around, pink hedgehog dashing after him. You'd think he could run faster than that, but she'd been tailing him doggedly for almost an hour now.

At some point, Sonic seemed to grow tired of the game. He turned around and started telling Amy what he thought, in no uncertain terms. Amy, puzzled by this unusual behavior, brought out the hammer.

"Jeepers!" yowled her opponent, and jumped into a pond to escape.

Amy stood on the bank, staring. Sonic was definitely _not_ acting like himself today. He usually never lost his temper over anything except injury to his friends, but here he was throwing a hissy fit just because she'd been chasing him. He usually avoided water like the plague, but here he'd just jumped into a pond. And he usually couldn't swim a lick, but now he was striking out for the opposite shore like nobody's business! Something didn't ring right here.

Amy's amazement was only compounded when she saw the hedgehog climbing out on the other side of the pond.

* * *

"I tell you!" Amy kept insisting to all her friends. "He was blue when he jumped in, but when he climbed out he was _green!_"

At first nobody believed her. But one by one, the others started to catch sight of the strange green Sonic-like hedgehog too. At last they all gathered together and started swapping experiences.

"Amy's right!" averred Tails. "I saw a green hedgehog knocking over trashcans this morning! He ran off when I called to him."

Several others came forward with sightings too. It was like a convention of Bigfoot hunters. Silver, however, grew grimmer and grimmer.

"Guys," he said. "I don't know how this is possible . . . but I think this is Scourge."

"Who's he?" asked several voices at once.

"He's from the other dimension. Like Sally," said Silver grimly. "And even in _that_ dimension he's from another dimension."

"What?" asked Sonic, his brows knitted.

"In the other dimension, they access _another_ dimension, and in that dimension there are evil versions of all the good guys. Scourge is the evil version of you."

"Silver," groaned Shadow. "What did I tell you about drinking that lemonade?"

"It's true!" protested Silver irately. "It has nothing to do with any lemonade."

"Besides, how do you explain all the other sightings then, huh?" asked Amy.

"You've all been getting into the lemonade," said Shadow, waving a hand in resignation.

Silver shut his eyes and sighed.

"Okay, ignore him. Anyway, we've got an evil version of Sonic on our hands now."

"Geez, that's kind of far out. I never thought I might have an evil version . . . " murmured Sonic.

"You mean besides Dark Sonic. And Metal Sonic. And Sonic .EXE." corrected Tails.

"Gosh." Knuckles scratched his ear suspiciously. "What is it with you and evil versions?"

Sonic shrugged blankly.

"Either way, don't worry," said Silver, rubbing his head. "From what I know, Scourge is more of an annoyance than actually dangerous like those other guys."

"I see my reputation precedes me," a voice spoke suddenly. Everyone jumped and turned to the new voice, and there stood Scourge, in the furry green flesh. He was leaning against a tree with his arms folded, smirking. Silver glanced smugly at Shadow, who snorted grumpily.

"I still don't believe it. He's a lemonade-induced mirage."

For a lemonade-induced mirage, Scourge certainly managed to cause enough trouble. Over the next few days, he proceeded to swagger about and generally behave in a disgraceful manner. The first time Amy caught him cursing in front of Cream, she knocked him across the room. Not just any room either, an auditorium.

However, his behavior did not improve. His conduct towards ladies was particularly intolerable; the others wouldn't stand for it. They lectured him, warned him, and in Silver's case knocked him unconscious (nobody messed with Blaze while _he_ was still breathing), but Scourge's behavior didn't change a whit.

"He's like one of those talking stuffed animals," groaned Rouge. "No matter how many times you hit him in the stomach, he still spouts the exact same stupid lines!"

At last they all lost patience. Shadow borrowed a Chaos Emerald from Sonic.

"Get a better recolor, Faker," he advised. "For pete's sake, yours is just annoying. Now, back when _I_ got a recolor, he finished you off, nearly finished _me_ off, and tore apart the space-time continuum."

"That's nothing to be proud of, you know," scoffed Sonic. Shadow snorted, took Scourge by the scruff of the neck, and disappeared. He reappeared a while later, with the Emerald but without Scourge.

"Did you find the right dimension to drop him off in?" asked Amy.

"Yeah, yeah," grumbled Shadow. "They didn't want him there, either, but I left him anyway. He had some interesting things to say about that."

"Oh?" Sonic chuckled. "Like what?"

"Only keep it G-rated!" warned Amy, already covering Cream's ears.

"G-rated?" Shadow considered. "Well in that case, he didn't say anything."


End file.
